Reviewers write reviews most of the time but it has NOTHING to do with a reference.  IMHO, a reference is "service after the sale".  That client picked you, did everything he needed to do to make you comfortable enough to meet with him, he showed up, acted appropriately (I assume), gave you your donation, etceteras...  that's a LOT.  Time and money are very valuable resources and I am always thankful for the business and the efforts made on the clients part to provide that business.  

Referrals are in gratitude for their efforts as well as supporting safe processes in the provider community.

Requiring a review for a reference (or a reference for a review) could be considered bribery.
I don't think that is good from either the provider's or hobbyist's side. I thnk a reference should be given if asked, (if the customer was a good client deserving of a reference.) A reference is usually something like "Yes I did see him. He came, he paid, and he left, without any problems." It doesn't need to get into details. It provides safety for the providers, and helps the hobbyist meet new providers, he might not otherwise meet. It shouldn't have anything to do with a review.

On the other hand I don't see a problem with a provider requesting a client to write a review of her if he enjoyed the session. But it should not be a condition of giving a reference. I think if you said something like, "Of course I will give you a reference." then bring up later, "If it's not too much trouble would you mind writing a review of me?" That would come off much much better than "I will give you a reference if you write me a review."

If you were just starting out and only had a few reviews under your belt, it would be more important to ask for reviews. In your case, you already have 21 reviews, all very good. The clients might have thought of writing a review then figured "I have nothing to add. It will just be "ditto" what the last 21 guys said." Even clients that regularly write reviews might not reviews for every experience. And some may think that if they have nothing new to add to all the reviews out there, why write one? I haven't seen you and I am not one of these people so I can't really speak for them but just giving my 2 cents on how I think and I am sure many others probably think like that. Thanks.

I understand what your saying although I'd give the reference. I would let him know that you asked him to write a review maybe it slipped his mind that you had asked if it hasn't I would let him know that it bothers you to be a reference for him seeing as he wasnt one for you. and politely ask him to use another girl as a refernce in the future.

-- Modified on 7/13/2011 6:23:11 PM

that promised to write you a review, you're perfectly in the right to feel his failure to do so is not nice.

But for the other client, your expectation without his promise to write a review is simply that: an expectation.

I have a personal policy of not writing reviews. I've found that providers, and clients, can be sensitive and over-react to the slightest perceived insult.

It doesn't mean that I don't find providers unworthy of a review however. Nor does it mean that I won't ask a provider for a reference.

Your giving out references to other providers and asking for references in return is a great system that provides safety among providers. While it isn't foolproof, it does afford a great deal of protection in a business that is inherently dangerous, especially to providers.

Give a little, gain a lot.

My 2 cents

I don't write reviews.  I tell people that.

Out of consideration, I never ask permission to give someone as a reference unless they are regulars I've seen several, several times.

On a somewhat different topic of white-listing, I don't ask for that either except from regulars I have seen many, many times.  Thanks to the two who have done so.

I had one provider, a multiple-time regular, and sometimes a multiple-hour regular, say she would not white-list me until I wrote a review.  Okay, her prerogative.  But it kinda stuck in my craw.  (This was a very established provider, with dozens and dozens of reviews; it wasn't like she needed mine.)

As others have pointed out, being a reference helps everyone.  And, in my view, white-listing someone (if deserved) can relieve a provider of having to give a reference, which just makes things more simple and easy for everyone as well.  Cheers!

If a gentleman that I have seen I will give a reference no problem.Regardless,if he has reviewed me or not.I have had a few gentleman that said they would post a review who did not but still asks for me to provide reference.I provide the reference I do not even mention the review if he wants to write one fine if not that is also okay but him not writing a review has no bearing on me being reference friendly.I am reference friendly not reference friendly with a condition to it.
Just my point of view.

Dear Anna (and all other posters/readers),

I was brought up to honor my word ("word" being closely related to "promise" but not quite the same). If I tell a lady I am going to write a review of our encounter, I follow up on my word and write the review. I may not get to it the next day or even the next week, but I keep my word. Please note: I make reference to the review AFTER our encounter is completed. I some cases, I even ask permission from the lady because some women have a 'no review' policy.

Now, there are times when I have not written a review (and not given any assurance that a review would be involved) simply because I did not think a review from me would be very favorable. I chalk it up to the possibility that the lady was having an off day, had other life issues with which to contend or, possibly, I was being too critical. Rather than post something negative, I chose to remain silent on the matter.

However, if a provider is horrible...(slovenly, unkempt, not the lady in the photos, an up-seller extraordinaire, etc.), I will write a review...a factual review so that others will know what to expect. I see that as a duty to other hobbyists and as an obligation of sorts as a member of TER.

Under the circumstances, I think Anna was correct to expect a review if it was promised or there was some verbal assurance that a review would be forthcoming. Let us not forget that reviews can be a powerful form of advertising for the ladies and this is, after all, a business. And, let's be realistic about one thing: some hobbyists will give assurances of a review in the belief that they will somehow be able to coerce the provider into giving it her best, so to speak. They are dangling the carrot of a review in front of the lady's face, with no actual intention of following through. They usually do this BEFORE the session begins.

Finally, in providing references for both of these men in question, Anna took the high road by being professional and exhibiting more than a little class. Let's not forget, also, that references are solicited and given as a means for the ladies to weed out the psychos, weirdos, rip off artists and, even, the potentially violent hobbyists. So, Anna provided a service to the other providers, just as she expects them to do for her.

Bottom Line: Anna is certainly justified in being disappointed that her clients did not keep their word regarding a review for her. She did not retaliate by giving either man a negative reference. The men gave assurances they did not keep - or had no intention of keeping, perhaps.

PS (for Anna): You have met all kinds in this business (or you will if you wait long enough). Best to get used to the fact that you cannot always believe what you are told. You provided a service, were compensated for it and the men apparently behaved normally. That is what you should expect. If your expectations go beyond that, you will be setting yourself up for further disappointments.

I don't write reviews often and never without asking if the lady would like to have a review posted.  I deliberately wait some indefinite period of time as this helps me gather my thoughts.  I also look to review posting patterns and try to post a review during a "lull" in reviews for the lady as this puts her on the new review list.

Having said that; if you decline to give this gentlement a reference, you make expect that he won't call on you again or make a recommendation either online or to a friend.  Is that an outcome you want?