I am breaking up with my boyfriend. (A fiction)

We have dated for over a year. I still remember the first day he came over my house. He was very slim, very timite, polite. He brought me Godiva chocholete at the Barnos and Norbe book store. It was a ordinary date for me, except that he is a Chinese. Usually Asian man like the pitte, blound, westen girl, like Linda. My typic visitors are mostly American who likes Asain girl...

He told me he came to the United States as a foreign student and had just gund a job here in Florida. So I said:"You got your master here?" Because he looked so young. He said he was a PhD student. I told him that I was impressed, that he did not look old enough to be a Doctor. The usuall way I would told to a man whom I gets paid for to spend time with. He was very modest in the way he talks to me, so I had a nice feelings about him. That is why I land him some of my Chinese movie. I was casually starting be friends with him, not even consciously thinking anything beyound.

I think negotiation is a painful process in a relationship,unless you don't have feelings. With my husband, which was my first relationship with a man (except mininature and immaginary ones I had as a young girl), I try to last as long as I could. It was a very painful experience for me. He finnally gone and it tolk me few months to realize that it was the end of our marrage. Because he was always gone for his bussiness trip to China 2 or 3 month at a time... I new he had girlfriends there, sometimes I gets to meet them face to face. Sometimes he brought one of them to United States, Canada or England. But somehow we stayed married...

I think that is how I developed a style for my subsquent relationships. I do end it up ubruptly at certain poin of time. And now I recognize it's time for me to leave Kevin...

More to come. Thanks for reading. xoxoxo. Lilly (954) 557-3303  
 


 He have a few girls he tolk to on the phone or on the computer on a rehular basis. I have non. So It is a chanllenge for me to break up with him... That is why I am posting here. Writing down things I remember, hopping to finding warmth and understanding with people out there. Or may be develop some supportive friendship. I am not ready for a real relationship yet. I need time to make a closure and heal. And writing is one way to do that I think!?

Thanks for reading. xoxoxo. Lilly (954) 557-3303  
 

Kevin:

I waited a week to tell you about this, because I don't want to say things just because of my over whelming emotions. Somtimes my emotions work against me.

You hurt me! You know it well that it wasn't about the difference of our sleeping schedule. We can accomplish it many ways. I can leave through the glass door and close it behand me, Leaving your house safe and sound. Or I can use your key to lock the front door and hide the key in the bushes or under the door mater... I am very perceptive, thanks for the years I spent in school. (Money can't buy love, but every thing else it can!) I know you are being diffeculte is because you are trying to set up a ruleas that now you got your new house...I am always consider myself as good at knowing my limits, never want to force myself on anyone, not even my exhousband. I follow the hiden, unspoken rules, carefull not to cross the line that is not wellocomed. But I can not allow you to do this to me, to set up rules so obvious and forcefully. It is very disrespectfull! Not to mention that you have got the only other key to my house.

I know it's time for me to walk away from you now. Yes, I still thinking of you every day. But it will gets better in time, I don't want to deny that I was very much attracted and dependent on you emotionally. But at times I can be very rational too! If I leave you now I can still remember the good times we had. There is no need to be pity or feeling sorry for the not so good part, for I took it as my lessons! So I can do better the next time around!

I wanted nothing from you, except your love. Since you can't give me that, you have nothing to offer me. Not to mention sex. It was my gift to you! It is a girl thing to say. Nothing is totally fair in this world.

I have lost a lots of weight in this past week. I did it as my project in the down time. Now I am slim and sexy, ready for a new beggining. I am focuse my attention on my excercise, my finnace, my education and self growth as I want to be a will round person , not just a money making mechien. It is a liberating process to getting out of a disfunctional relationsship.

I wish you the best. Take good care of yourself. I am sure you well. And the girls you are so santimental with, they will give you the love and affection you need. You are in better hands now.

Good luck! Lilly


This is his reply: "you don't know something, you always imagine something and suppose they are
true, but they are totally not. Your email makes me feel so unhappy, even
angry. As your best friend, I only can give you my careness and love as your
best friend, and I have done my best to you. When you got sick, I told
myself that I could not just walk away or just sent her to hospital, I
should help her. When you waste your money on something totally no useful, I
tried my best to stop you doing that (I think about more about your future).
I can't tell myself that you are my girl friend though you are pretty and
kind, you are smart, you know why, but you don't know the conflict in my
mind....whatever you say and whatever you do, as long as they are good for
you, I don't mind. All the best.



 My answer to him: "Well, Thanks. But I am not getting sick this time. So forget the best-friends thing. Those are the famous lines that married man use on women to get free sex! ( His estranged wife is still in China, not giving him a divorce untill he pays her $100,000). Par don my French.

He emailed again:"This hurts me so much.... please stop sending me anything....bye, forever!!!


I keeped going email him:"And not to mention how many best-friends did you have? or had?


That's the last email he send:"Just left a message on your phone. I don't want to go further communication by email any more.


   

Hey Lilly,
Tried to see your site, but it just asks if I am over 18 ... I click yes, then a window comes up saying thanks for choosing Lilly ... and then nothing. No descritption, pictures ... nothing.

What gives? Is it my browser settings or what?

Great story.
Jimbo