Who Is Jack Schitt?



For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?  We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt!”  Thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.



Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.  They had one son, Jack.



In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.  The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap and Dip Schitt.  Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.



After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.  Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.  She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.



Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.  Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.  The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.



The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.  Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.  He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.  



Now when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt,” you can correct them.



Sincerely Crock O. Schitt

Fuckin Schitt.

One day he blew a four run lead in the nineth handing the other team an upset victory.

His hometown paper had this headline:






Schitt Stinks!

When he fails to appear as previously arranged, his disappointed conferees lament, "ah, no Schitt"?

We all knew her by her middle name, "Hot".

Bull and Pisa begat twins, Bagga and Sacca Schitt who now run the largest family fertilizer plant in Texas.

where the elected head of the country is refered to as "brains".

They became a citizen and got active politically, then decided to run for the head of the country.

Their campaign sign of course read:


"Shitt for Brains"