From The Guardian:
Phreakers, or 'phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello, you fat b*stard'

From a Daily Telegraph piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes":
"... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels."

From The Derby Abbey Community News:
We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.

From The Manchester Evening News:
Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket.