* We need = I want * It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now * Do what you want = You'll pay for this later * We need to talk = I need to complain * Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to * I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! * You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot * You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? * I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period * Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs * This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house * I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... * I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white * Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! * I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep * Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive * How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like * I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV * Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful * You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me * Yes = No * No = No * Maybe = No * I'm sorry = You'll be sorry * Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it * I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important * All we're going to buy is a soap dish = We're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom, did you bring your checkbook?
* "I'm hungry" = I'm hungry * "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy * "I'm tired" = I'm tired * "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you * "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you * "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you * "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you * "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage! * "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you * "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this * "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? * "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question * "I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex? * "I love you" = Let's have sex now * "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...NOW we'd better have sex! * "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before * "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look much different * "Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a sensitive person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me * "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys * "I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
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