Erotic Humor
THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... CHECK OUT THESE ACTUAL CASES.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and face mask in the middle of the forest.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad
diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to
control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean
and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300
feet in the air and then airborne into smoke heaven.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
____________Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
kitchen. While sitting on the bike and racing the engine, the motorcycle
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars,
was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an
ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the
several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her
husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right
the
motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled
gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into
the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between
his legs. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her
husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his
trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once
again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As
the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked
the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started
laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the
husband
out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse. ..
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill
in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate
them both.
________________ Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank
of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been
happily listening to his Walkman.
_________________ STILL think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs
to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke
loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two
hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
_________________ What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now, feeling better?
(from my dad, who is still bedridden after a broken leg 3 weeks ago 