So a man walks into a bar with
a monkey on his shoulder and
takes a seat at the bar.....
I forget the rest of the joke but
your mom's a whore!

...The monkey jumps down and jumps onto the bar's pool table.  It picks up the cue ball and swallows it!  The bartender is irate and orders the man and his monkey to get the hell out of his bar.  A couple of weeks later, the man and the monkey return.  The bartender recognizes them and says, "hey pal, I kicked you outta here!"  The man replies, "I know.  I came back to apologize and to give you back your cue ball!"  The bartender accepts the apology and even offers the man a free martini.  The man explains that his monkey was overly excited that day, and that his behavior is now under control.  Soon after, the monkey takes the olive from the man's martini and sticks it up his ass.  Then he pulls it out and swallows it.  The disgusted bartender exclaims, "what the hell?!!?"  To which the man interupts, "well after the cue ball, he tests everything first!"


Oh, I almost forgot.  My mom appreciates your business.  She likes to brag, "No 78 year old woman ever made $200 quicker than spending 2 seconds with your 2-incher!"  I also want to thank you as you're increasing my inheritance!