A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you
doing? " She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.

"Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

XXXOOO Ashley

"NEW BEER!"

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who

worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the

airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the

hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!".

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink

jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?".

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high

octane hootch and get completely smashed.


The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how

good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone

rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?".

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?".

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a

hangover?".

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no

hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.".

"Yeah, well there's just one thing...."

"What's that?".

"Have you farted yet?".

"No...."




"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in  Phoenix"


XXXOOO Ashley

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.  He reduced altitude and
spotted a woman below.  He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse
me, can you help me?  I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I
don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground.  You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north
latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically
correct,
but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm
still  lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help at all.  If anything, you've delayed
my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you to solve your problems.  The fact is you are in
exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow,
it's my
fault."


XXXOOO Ashley

...and Nurse FiFi would be among my first visitors.
Always love the jokes you send me, you can post them
here now!

Hugs and M&Ms

LM