"I asked her what she thought of my oral favors. She said she hadn't been eaten like that in years. I said really, that good? She said no, that bad."

She put a paper bag over my head.

...I asked her if she wanted to go again. She said I didn't want to go the first time.

Or...

After some foreplay, I asked her if she was ready to go. She said yes, got dressed, and left.

After a few minutes, I asked her if she brought protection. She said of course and started wrapping me in duct tape.

I asked if she wanted to sit on my face. She said no, but I'll stand on it.

After another great session I told her she was my ATF. She said you're my DFC. I said what's that? She said Desperate for Cash.

She said okay. I'll close the door and give you some privacy.

I asked her if I might make a trip to Greece. She said sure, how soon can you leave?

I got to her incall, she took one look at me and she said she wanted to treat me to a free session. I said wow, that sounds too good to be true, what's the catch? She said it has to be with someone other than me.

I asked her if I could cum in her mouth. She said sure if I can spit in your eyes.

I asked her if I could come in her mouth. She said sure, just give me a warning when you are about to blow. I said check back with me in a couple of hours.

I said I always get drowzy after sex with you. She said that's odd, I always get drowzy during sex with you.

I finally booked a Light Dominatrix!

I got soo excited! I asked her if I could SPANK HER!
She replied:   "Sure, but then I SLAP YOU!"

(Note:  This is why I'm NOT into pain, ONLY pleasure! haha)

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.  

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

...She bent over!

I said I'm feeling a little kinky, would she want to put a blindfold on me? She said would a mask be OK?

I asked her if she'd consider rimming me. She said I might as well, how much worse could it be than kissing your mouth?

I asked her if I could stick a finger in her ass. She said that might be too big, let's start with your cock.

I was getting ready to leave and asked her what she thought of our session. She said you are incredibly sweet - I wonder if I could ask you a small favor? I said of course, what is it? She said could you please see someone else next time?

I asked her if she would like me to take a shower before we got started. She said yes please - and let me know when you are done so I can delouse you.

I arrived at her incall and asked where to put the envelope. She said you can keep it... Your wife contacted me and when she found out I am a call girl who would be servicing you she insisted on paying for the session herself.

I asked if I could use her as a reference. She said sure, just give me a heads up so I can try to think of something nice to say.

She told me I failed her screening: one reference said I was a rude jerk and the other said I stank like a sewer. I said didn't you receive any positive feedback? She said that was the positive feedback.

I called up my contact in the business and asked about a doubles session. She said she wasn't able to offer doubles at the moment because her second sheep had a really bad yeast infection.

I knocked on the door and she opened it slowly. When she stepped out from behind the door I gave her a quick peck and asked her how much I owed her. She said she was running a special today. I said great, what's the special? She said I'll give you $150 if you leave right now.

I asked if we could run down her menu. She said sure, what are you interested in? I said K9, Russian, COF, K9, and 69. She said I don't offer any of those. I said what do you offer. She said P6R. I said P6R, I've never even heard of that! She said well then, how about we end this right now.

I asked her if she liked 69. She said with you, I prefer 00.

I asked her if a trip to Greece was on the menu. She said sure, as soon as you finish fucking my face. I said great, what are we waiting for? She said I don't allow face fucking.

I said what are you waiting for, go ahead and start blowing me. She said I am still looking for it.

She said she told one of her friends about me and she was really eager to see me. I said I guess you told her what a great lover I am. She said no, I told her I was pretty sure you could cure her insomnia.

My ATF told me she was planning to take a break from the hobby for a while. I said I guess you want to get away from all the time-wasters and bargain hunters. She said no, I want to get away from you.

My ATF told me she didn't want to see me any more. I said you can't do that, I would be so miserable I would probably kill myself.  She said would you be willing to put that in writing?

I knocked on the door and was a little surprised by what l saw. She said what's wrong? I said you look a little older than your photos. She said you look a little older than my grandpa's photos.

I asked her what my lovemaking skiils reminded her of. A jackhammer? A tiger? A tornado? She thought for a minute and said a sloth.

But I'll tell you...I don't get no respect. I asked her how we were doing for time. She checked her phone and said wow, time always flies when you are having fun. I said so the hour is almost up? She said no, it's only been 10 minutes.

My wife said a friend in the business told her she probably had what it takes to succeed as an escort. I said what did she mean. She said if I can sleep with you I can sleep with anybody.

As soon as I was in the door she got a strange look on her face and said "is your face hurting you?" I said "no, why?" She said "Because it's killing me!"

Good one!

She took one look at me and asked if my eyes always bulge out like that. I said no, once in a blue moon my pants bulge instead.

She told me come in and make yourself comfortable, I left something at home and need to go get it. I said do you live nearby? She said sure, just about four hours each way.

She asked me if this was my second session of the day. I said no, why would you say that? She said because your face looks like it got beaten up by someone's pimp.

I asked her how much she charges and she said $250 an hour. I said that's so expensive! She said maybe it is, but that's how much I charge and if you don't like it you can talk to my pimp. I said how much does he charge?

She took one look at me and said you look disgusting, I've seen dogs that were cuter than you. I said oh yea, well I bet they didn't tip as well as I do.

I had a great time and showed my appreciation with an extra large tip. She picked it up and handed it back to me and said here sweety, you dropped a quarter.

I told her I had a wonderful time and wanted to show my appreciation with a special gift. She said that's so sweet, but the best way to show your appreciation is to never come see me again.

I told her I was so proud that I was able to make her come. She said I didn't come, I was just trying not to laugh.

I asked her how she enjoyed the session. She said easy, I just pretended you were my previous client.

At the end of the session I asked how much I owed her. She said oh, I couldn't accept money from you. I said why not? She said because I would feel like such a whore.

I was so embarrassed, when I went to pay her I realized I had forgotten my wallet. She said don't worry about it, I will just chalk it up to lessons learned. I said what lesson? She said always check the peephole before opening the door.

She asked me how I found out about her. I said my friend told me you smell like a gardenia and fuck like a tiger. She said what a coincidence, you smell like a tiger and fuck like a gardenia.

A lady of the night propositioned me in the hotel bar. I asked her how much she charges. She said usually $300 an hour. I said oh, so you are open to negotiation? She said yes, I'll see YOU for $500 an hour.

I called up my ATF and she said she was really busy and could only see me at 11pm. I said why so late? She said because I have to see 7 other clients today. I said won't you be exhausted? She said yes, I will probably be passed out, so don't forget to leave the donation when you are done.

I called her up and asked how much she charges. She said you fuck either my pussy or my ass for $50 or both for $75. I said that sounds like a bargain, I will be right over. Turns out she runs a petting zoo.

I asked my ATF if she had a girlfriend she could bring along for doubles. She said that might be kind of tough. I said why is that? She said most of my girlfriends aren't half as desperate as I am.

I asked her if she would like me to bring a beverage along to our meeting. She said that won't be necessary, I make a point of getting blind drunk before all of my sessions with you.

She agreed to 69 and in a minute I was finished. I said you taste as sweet as Thai iced tea. She said you taste as sour as battery acid.

I said I am in the mood for some kink, how would you like to tie me up and flog me? She said sure, I can do that. I said great, pretend you hate me and really let me have it. She said who's pretending?

I asked her if she offered FBSM. She said I don't know, if I fall off your gut I will probably hurt myself when I land.  

I told my ATF I was getting ready to cum. She said that will be a first.

I asked her how I compared to her other clients. She said I can't answer that. I said I understand, you want to be discreet. She said no, my parents taught me if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

I asked her if she ever had any really bad clients. She said you mean worse than you?

I said what's your favorite part of our sessions together? She said the part when I close the door after you leave and ventilate the room.

I entered her K9 and pounded away with everything I had. After a few minutes I asked how she was doing. She said fine, but you don't need to be so gentle.

I asked her what her favorite position was. She said anything with you behind me, because I can't stand the sight of you.

I asked her what she thought of my new deodorant scent. She said put some on next time and I'll tell you.

I said I have some great news, I won big in the lottery so now I can afford to see you much more often. She said I have some even better news, I won too and will be moving out of state.

She said let's get started, how many times do you usually cum in a session? 3? 2? 1? I said you are getting warm.

I said let's get started, I want to see if I can make you cum. She said make me cum?? I'll be happy if I don't throw up.

I said I have some bad news, I am being transferred to another state and I won't be able to see you any more. She said it's OK, I can think of lots worse news. I said yea, like what? She said your like transfer being canceled.  

I got to the agency's incall and it was a mess, glitter, balloons, streamers, and empty beer and wine bottles everywhere. I said it looks like someone had quite a party, what was the occasion? She said nothing really, just an impromptu celebration when the girls heard about your transfer.

I told her I was in the mood to play the field a bit and asked if she would be willing to refer me to any of her friends. She said no, but I have a couple of enemies that I would love for you to see.

I asked her if we could do it without the cover just this once. She said OK, but if you try to kiss me I'll put that hood right back on your head.

I asked her if she offers Greek. She said yes, but I charge based on size. I said how much for my size? She said you'd be eligible for a $50 rebate.  

I pulled out and shot my load on her stomach. She said that reminds me, I need to make a phone call. I said who are you calling? She said my plumber, I need to get the drip in my kitchen faucet fixed.

I called her up the morning of our session and said something's come up, I can't make it today. She said OK, thanks for letting me know. I said what about the $100 cancellation fee? She said oh yeah, I almost forgot - shall I send it to you through Paypal?

I told her I was thinking about bringing my wife to a session. She said that would be fine, I'm happy to see couples. I said are you really bi? She said, no, since I met you I have to fake it with men.

She texted me her room number and I went up and knocked on the door. Instead of opening the door she said that she looked through the peephole and would have to cancel, something came up. I said what do you mean, what came up? She said my breakfast.

I asked her if it was hard having sex with so many clients. She said no, a lot of the time I think about something else. I said what do you think about when you are with me? She said I think about being in a hot shower scrubbing off the stench.

She said I suddenly don't feel so hot, my stomach is really queezy. I said I am sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do to help you feel better? She said yes, you can leave.

She said I want you to fuck me like you are going to cum for the last time in your life. I said too late, that happened five years ago.

I said I'm really in the mood for some wild action tonight. She said for an extra 50 bucks I'll take off my coat for you.

She was a real beauty but spoke with a slight lisp. She said do you want to fuck my puthy, my ath, or my mouth? I said either your pussy or ass would be fine, but I am probably too big to fuck a mouse.

She pulled me over in front of a new mirror she had installed in her bedroom. I said fantastic, are you going to let me watch you give me a blow job in the mirror? She said no, I'm going to let you watch yourself jerk off while I read the Sunday paper.

She opened the door, I laid down the donation, and as I gave her the once over she slapped my face. I said why'd you do that? She said I didn't like the look on your face. I said what look? She said you looked like you where thinking about fucking me.

She rolled on the condom, I slid in for a moment, then withdrew and hopped out of bed. She said where are you going? I said to get the donation - you told me to be sure to place the envelope down as soon as I enter.