A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,

"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure, that sounds great!" said Julie.

"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.

"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.

"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.

"You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

There was a mouse and an elephant and they decided to go for a walk in the jungle together. So they set off walking and talking and were not really paying attention to where they were going, when all of a sudden the elephant fell in a hole.

"Oh My!" the elephant cried.  "What will we do?  I can't climb out on my own."

"Don't worry" said the mouse.  I'll just run back to my home and get my Porsche and we will have you out of there in no time at all."

So the mouse ran back home and got his Porsche.

When he arrived back at the hole he backed the Porsche up to the edge.  The mouse then threw the elephant one end of a chain and secured the other end to the Porsche’s bumper.

"Here we go" the mouse yelled to the elephant as he put the Porsche in gear and pulled the elephant out of the hole.

"Thank you, thank you so much my friend!" said the elephant.

"My pleasure" said the mouse "Shall we continue on our walk?"

The elephant agreed, but as he turned toward the mouse his trunk accidentally knocked him into the hole.

"Oh my goodness" the elephant wailed, "I'm so so sorry!...Oh, What are we going to do now. I'm too big to fit in your Porsche!"

"Not a problem" the mouse responded "Just throw your dick down here" The elephant trusted the mouse so he threw his dick into the hole and the mouse climbed out on it.

Once he was out the elephant and mouse continued on their walk with no further mishaps.

And the moral of the story is...?

"If you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche!"