A late-20's provider who I saw today (my first time with her) asked me an interesting question - "I don't understand why I only get married guys, hardly any single guys"  

Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Indeed.  

Spot on. For me, it's about convenience. An affair would be fun, but the other partner of that affair will most likely have to come from your work or social circles. When you're married these things overlap, and that's a giant hassle just waiting to happen. A provider, on the other hand, doesn't care that you're married. There's little potential for drama (if you do your research). She won't ask you to leave your wife, and there's no emotional entanglement.  

So on one hand you have married guy who looks for an affair. They start getting attached, she starts demanding more time. Now you've got a messy divorce on your hands and a lot of fighting over custody of the kids.

And yet I like to see escorts, sometimes for BCD activities, and sometimes for dinners and shows.  I know what I'm getting up front, I get much better looking women than I otherwise would get, there is no commitment on my part,  and the escorts aren't after commitments either.

Eom

I like escorts (see what I did there?) for the same reasons CavalierServente does, although I just do one-on-one appointments in private.  It's very straightforward and honest.  No games.  No waiting for a civvie to "get to know me".  No BS.  If you've read any pick-up artist literature, civvie dating can feel like more trouble than it's worth.

Yet the scenario you're describing was nearly normal behavior back in the freewheeling days of the 1970s and early 1980s, before the AIDS scare pretty much put the kabosh on it. I never was one who was easily able to pick up women in bars. I did better at organized singles dances and some of the low-budget dating services which were around at the time. Also, many were willing to take more risks in those days. The hysteria over the likes of serial killers ruined a lot of that adventure, IMO.

I'm sure, however, that through history it has happened on occasion where provider and client fall in love and on occasion actually do get married. Know of any such examples offhand?

By the pick-up literature, are  you referring to such websites as www.seduce-a-woman.com? I read some of their stuff but am not at all convinced that it would work. But really didn't try it out that much. I thought this might be just what you're referring to

Yes, exactly that.  I don't blame you for finding it unhelpful.  Most pick-up artist (PUA) books only gives you vague advice, like "be cocky and funny" or "be an alpha male".  Other PUA books make all civvie women look ridiculously unattainable, by talking about all the work men need to do.  Either way, I can say for a fact that all PUA writers trash hobbyists like you wouldn't believe.  Probably because we spend money on the providers, rather than on their books.

There's also New Orleans. If you can't get laid during a wild weekend at the French Quarter, then you're either not trying hard enough or you need to lower your standards significantly.

Not everyone has game. I don't believe it can be taught. They happen to have it, so it's easy for them.

If more married women talked into the mic, they would put escorts out of business.  

-- Modified on 9/26/2015 6:46:37 PM

I understand all the pragmatic arguments such as: "I don't want to jeopardize my marriage and family, and providers give me what I need." "older guys have money and they can afford it", hobbying actually may even save marriages", "single guys can pick up (really? ask a single guy and you'll be surprised how little he gets)" blah blah blah.  

I feel like a huge asshole doing it, but I do it anyway. Why? Though I love my s/o and we have a great relationship otherwise, she hasn't fucked me in years. Nothing I've done to remedy that situation has helped at all, from talking, listening, trying different approaches... she just has zero desire. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life never having sex again.

There's another thing.  In most modern marriages in the US, the wife is in charge and has the final say in most matters.  From when sex takes place to what color the walls are painted.  Hence the old joke: "I found Miss Right; her first name is Always".  As a result, husbands have to be on their best behavior at all times, in a way, because the financial and emotional cost of divorce can be astronomically high.  Contemporary sitcoms, where the wife treats her husband like crap, further add fuel to the fire.

AND why do you think hookers do it? Is it because this tiny group of women has evolved into liking it more than the majority of civvies  OR they don't necessarily like it but put on a good act for the immediate cash incentive?

Copy-paste of my answer in the other thread:

although don't count on the Happy Ending of the SO suddenly getting more amorous. But even if she doesn't, it can be a good if not great solution to a common problem. The main issue IMO is the deceit it requires, unless the SO knows about it and is ok with hubby getting his needs met elsewhere as long as he's a good husband in all other respects and is discreet and careful.  Kudos to the married women in this kind of situation who love their husbands enough to let them get their needs met without deceit.

A lot of women just lose all interest in sex and physical intimacy when they get to menopause.  

You guys are dead on !
What married man wants to go through all the drama associated with  
Finding a mistress who will bring emotions , drama and other shit .  

I love the variety of fresh young ladies or girls or a new mature woman in an NSA encounter. However, it is also the case that I would miss the intimacy that comes with long-term relationships if I didn't do that too. Whether you call them SB or mistress relationships, I would miss mine a lot. I also enjoy the comfort of being able to travel together and do overnights while having a fully sexual relationship. Finally, I love getting to know a partner more completely, and it makes me feel as though I am with an alternative wife.

Or.... in a much more realistic scenario - he starts to think his wife is a puritan cow and decides he needs to find another wife that makes him feel like the hooker does.  He ends up with the cliché Trophy Wife 12 years his junior, destroying his family in the process.

I dont disagree with you  
It is great to have a companion on the side but as married man you are playing with fire .
Peoples emotions can take over and women and men can be unpredictable .

This.

Much easier to hide an affair when you're paying someone off not to tell.

Back in the day I used to dream of being a stripper and a prostitute, just because I wanted all of those people who thought I was a goodie two-shoes prude to see that deep down, I was naughty.

How often do you read reviews of mongers enjoying the act of DATY?

Speaking from experience ... I have a very stressful profession. People in my line of work regularly seek therapy in order to deal with the day-to-day stress and frequent sleep disturbances. And while it can have some benefit, I find regular sex to be, by far, more relaxing and therapeutic. I get much more out of a single massage visit (with or without HE) or a visit to a sex worker than several visits with a therapist.

ecause they're spending more time with you and act more like a "girlfriend," there is almost no legal risk involved like there is in pure p4p -- so the available pool of Sugar Babies is much greater to draw from, and thus the cost is driven down.

Seems like a man who is emotionally unavailable would be ideal in those situations, no?

Here is something that has always puzzled me about myself and I wonder if it's just me or true of others as well.  

I either don't make the promise in the first place or I get out of the relationship that's not working.

Damn, Ruby, this one really nailed it "Providers are that middle ground between renouncing mind-blowing sex and leaving your wife."

The real question you need to ask yourself is why am I not in a open relationship?
Just your questions on here proves that you need to work somethings out at home.
So many people put themselves in a box and live like they have no choices in their life.

I was asking a question, sir, not advice or psychoanalysis. But thanks anyway.

So you asked a question and I answered you with the truth.
It's funny how people respond when they hear the truth about themselves.
Just know it's nothing personal sir but some helpful advice.
 

After truth comes Nirvana.  

Cool!

. . . and that's it.  I can't imagine what it is like for a generally truthful person to engage in this, perhaps just for sexual needs?  It must be difficult.  People who know me wouldn't be the least surprised by my dishonesty but they would be stunned that I would have any interest.  They'd be less surprised if I was caught sniffing glue.  It used to be more like Clark Kent and superman though,now it's more like Clark Kent and Clark Kent . . . we all get older.

. . . and nothing will change that.  If a guy is "good," he can be cornholing the mayor's daughter in front of city hall, and all they'll say is "wonder what's up with him?"   They will be blaming it on one of his "bad" friends.  A while ago my SO stared my infidelity in the face, it would have been obvious to anyone else, but her brain rejected it.   I was "up to something," all business as usual for me.  That's as far as it went.  IMO people think they know who you are, and you can never prove them wrong.

Top 10 Reasons for seeking Providers - Single Men

You have a point about the SB relationship and emotions constituting playing with fire.