Back in the day I used to dream of being a stripper and a prostitute, just because I wanted all of those people who thought I was a goodie two-shoes prude to see that deep down, I was naughty.
Now that I'm doing this, I also like the fact that I know if I make a pass, I won't be rejected - because that's why we're here and it's definite. There is on my side, (the woman,) a sense of seduction and comfort from a man taking care of you. Makes me all hot and bothered. The thrill, well, I haven't come to admit that... but I can totally see what you're talking about. Guess that's why movies with men gambling, seeking P4P, and other stuff are so popular. Some actually jump in and do it.A late-20's provider who I saw today (my first time with her) asked me an interesting question - "I don't understand why I only get married guys, hardly any single guys"
I don't think she was looking for a single guy to hook up with. I think her question was sincere - she was genuinely puzzled why married guys who have a sex partner outnumber single guys who don't.
I told her that I will ask the community. I assume she will be interested in your answers
Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free?
With married guys it's a lot trickier. They can't just go to the bar and pick up chicks without being noticed. After that, where are you going to take them? LOL. Seriously, think about it for a second. You're married, bored, so you sneak out for the night (very difficult when you're married). Then you try to pick up on girls (also very difficult to do without being noticed). Now what are your chances of finding a chick who a) doesn't mind you're married and b) is thrilled with the idea of going back to the no-tell motel for a few hours with a strange guy she just met?
Come on, this is an easy one. Use your imagination.
Indeed.
But she just didn't get it (probably because she is in grad school studying ... (not sure, feminism? home sciences?)
Spot on. For me, it's about convenience. An affair would be fun, but the other partner of that affair will most likely have to come from your work or social circles. When you're married these things overlap, and that's a giant hassle just waiting to happen. A provider, on the other hand, doesn't care that you're married. There's little potential for drama (if you do your research). She won't ask you to leave your wife, and there's no emotional entanglement.
One other major factor is that a provider will do the fun things a wife stops doing once the marriage vows are sealed. Like Chris Rock said, a wife will make zero effort to sexually entertain you once the deal is sealed. A provider gives you all the things you wish your wife would give you regularly -- committed blowjobs, sexy clothing, kinky exploration... even massages. Providers are that middle ground between renouncing mind-blowing sex and leaving your wife.
Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free?
With married guys it's a lot trickier. They can't just go to the bar and pick up chicks without being noticed. After that, where are you going to take them? LOL. Seriously, think about it for a second. You're married, bored, so you sneak out for the night (very difficult when you're married). Then you try to pick up on girls (also very difficult to do without being noticed). Now what are your chances of finding a chick who a) doesn't mind you're married and b) is thrilled with the idea of going back to the no-tell motel for a few hours with a strange guy she just met?
Come on, this is an easy one. Use your imagination.
So on one hand you have married guy who looks for an affair. They start getting attached, she starts demanding more time. Now you've got a messy divorce on your hands and a lot of fighting over custody of the kids.
Now on the other hand you have the guy who instead visits the TER reviews. He meets nice provider. She fulfills his sexual needs, while his wife still fulfills the emotional needs. He comes home in a really good mood. She and the rest of the family are the benefactors of his good moods. She sees a more confident husband and starts becoming more amorous. He gets to try out some new skills he's been honing under the guidance of a professional.
Everyone wins.
although don't count on the Happy Ending of the SO suddenly getting more amorous. But even if she doesn't, it can be a good if not great solution to a common problem. The main issue IMO is the deceit it requires, unless the SO knows about it and is ok with hubby getting his needs met elsewhere as long as he's a good husband in all other respects and is discreet and careful. Kudos to the married women in this kind of situation who love their husbands enough to let them get their needs met without deceit.
Or.... in a much more realistic scenario - he starts to think his wife is a puritan cow and decides he needs to find another wife that makes him feel like the hooker does. He ends up with the cliché Trophy Wife 12 years his junior, destroying his family in the process.
I'm sure, however, that through history it has happened on occasion where provider and client fall in love and on occasion actually do get married. Know of any such examples offhand?
Damn, Ruby, this one really nailed it "Providers are that middle ground between renouncing mind-blowing sex and leaving your wife."
Perhaps the only thing that could be better is if the SigOth is open to a little swinging action....However, that can have its own challenges and risks too.
Seriously wonder why the provider would need to even question the high availability of married vs single guys. Maybe she's a little new to the hobby??
Eom
Yet the scenario you're describing was nearly normal behavior back in the freewheeling days of the 1970s and early 1980s, before the AIDS scare pretty much put the kabosh on it. I never was one who was easily able to pick up women in bars. I did better at organized singles dances and some of the low-budget dating services which were around at the time. Also, many were willing to take more risks in those days. The hysteria over the likes of serial killers ruined a lot of that adventure, IMO.
There's also New Orleans. If you can't get laid during a wild weekend at the French Quarter, then you're either not trying hard enough or you need to lower your standards significantly.
Lowering one's standards is about the easiest and most sure-fire way that I can think of. i.e. if I'm you're not a "10" yourself, then stop wasting your time trying to get with one. Focus on the lower-hanging fruit. "Ugly early" is what we used to say. 
And yet I like to see escorts, sometimes for BCD activities, and sometimes for dinners and shows. I know what I'm getting up front, I get much better looking women than I otherwise would get, there is no commitment on my part, and the escorts aren't after commitments either.
I like escorts (see what I did there?) for the same reasons CavalierServente does, although I just do one-on-one appointments in private. It's very straightforward and honest. No games. No waiting for a civvie to "get to know me". No BS. If you've read any pick-up artist literature, civvie dating can feel like more trouble than it's worth.
Another thing is that I really like DFK and fooling around. But most civvies over 30 I dated just aren't good DFK'ers. They hold back too much, and something just feels off when they do it. Younger civvies that I've been with in my 20-something days, on the other hand, were incredibly good at DFK'ing. So providers fill in the gap for me; they were all great at it regardless of their age, and I won't book a session without it.
By the pick-up literature, are you referring to such websites as www.seduce-a-woman.com? I read some of their stuff but am not at all convinced that it would work. But really didn't try it out that much. I thought this might be just what you're referring to
Yes, exactly that. I don't blame you for finding it unhelpful. Most pick-up artist (PUA) books only gives you vague advice, like "be cocky and funny" or "be an alpha male". Other PUA books make all civvie women look ridiculously unattainable, by talking about all the work men need to do. Either way, I can say for a fact that all PUA writers trash hobbyists like you wouldn't believe. Probably because we spend money on the providers, rather than on their books.
Not everyone has game. I don't believe it can be taught. They happen to have it, so it's easy for them.
Frankly, I still think it's fairly easy if you have money. From my experience chicks will take a guy with money over a guy with money at least 70% of the time. It's women's version of beer goggles. Drink enough liquor and the average ones start looking a lot better -- only for women replace "drink enough beer" with "put enough money in his wallet."
If more married women talked into the mic, they would put escorts out of business.
-- Modified on 9/26/2015 6:46:37 PM
AND why do you think hookers do it? Is it because this tiny group of women has evolved into liking it more than the majority of civvies OR they don't necessarily like it but put on a good act for the immediate cash incentive?
This.
How often do you read reviews of mongers enjoying the act of DATY?
Is it because Johns represent a small subset of individuals who like this experience? Or could it be that they like the act of making another person feel good? Even from a selfish perspective, it makes the act easier because it gets things all lubricated up. Same deal from the female side -- it gets things good and firm, helps him last longer, etc.
I think this is much more a male versus female thing. I believe that men tend to be a little bit ego-centric. i.e. it pleases them to know that they are bringing pleasure to their partner. Makes them feel like some sort of casanova or super stud. Hearing moans and groans can be a pretty big turn-on.
Why would it be that women aren't as concerned or pleased by the idea of their partner deriving pleasure? I mean ... doesn't it make a woman feel powerful and confident when she can please a man better than other women can? Or is it just less of a challenge for them? When I was in college, there was a girl I dated who could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, and any guy who was ever with her could attest to this. She happened to love it when guys told her how good she was. It was like a pat on the back or badge of honor for her.
It's odd that more women don't take pride in that kind of thing. Is it because with there is the element of slut-shaming when performing certain acts outside of the standard vanilla offering? It just seems odd to me.
-- Modified on 9/27/2015 2:57:10 PM
I understand all the pragmatic arguments such as: "I don't want to jeopardize my marriage and family, and providers give me what I need." "older guys have money and they can afford it", hobbying actually may even save marriages", "single guys can pick up (really? ask a single guy and you'll be surprised how little he gets)" blah blah blah.
I think there is another important factor: the thrill - thrill of cheating, thrill of living on the edge, thrill of doing something that, if exposed, can potentially ruin your life, and maybe even punishing your SO for "headache" the night before.
Yes, there are the pragmatic arguments, but I think there are also a lot psychological reasons - for
single guys, the social cost of being caught is a lot less, so there is less of a thrill. For married guys, hobbying serves lot more than the physical need.
Well
I feel like a huge asshole doing it, but I do it anyway. Why? Though I love my s/o and we have a great relationship otherwise, she hasn't fucked me in years. Nothing I've done to remedy that situation has helped at all, from talking, listening, trying different approaches... she just has zero desire. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life never having sex again.
I either don't make the promise in the first place or I get out of the relationship that's not working.
but that's just me, I am not going to get all preachy and tell others to live by my moral compass.
There's another thing. In most modern marriages in the US, the wife is in charge and has the final say in most matters. From when sex takes place to what color the walls are painted. Hence the old joke: "I found Miss Right; her first name is Always". As a result, husbands have to be on their best behavior at all times, in a way, because the financial and emotional cost of divorce can be astronomically high. Contemporary sitcoms, where the wife treats her husband like crap, further add fuel to the fire.
Hobbying provides temporary but tremendous relief from all that. Because the provider is essentially a paid worker, and not a life partner, there's no real need to act all poised, other than basic human decencies that everybody should be doing, along with the usual hobby protocols. The husband gets to be himself for an hour, vent a little bit, act out a fantasy that his wife refuses to do, etc. Kind of like a shrink with benefits, and many a time, it can be more therapeutic than sitting in a sterile office with diplomas on the walls.
Speaking from experience ... I have a very stressful profession. People in my line of work regularly seek therapy in order to deal with the day-to-day stress and frequent sleep disturbances. And while it can have some benefit, I find regular sex to be, by far, more relaxing and therapeutic. I get much more out of a single massage visit (with or without HE) or a visit to a sex worker than several visits with a therapist.
And while anti-anxiety medication can be of some benefit ... again, I find regular exercise, massages, and bi-monthly visits to a provider to be far, far, more effective and with much fewer side effects (anti-anxiety meds kill my sex drive whereas the natural alternatives enhance it).
Back in the day I used to dream of being a stripper and a prostitute, just because I wanted all of those people who thought I was a goodie two-shoes prude to see that deep down, I was naughty.
Now that I'm doing this, I also like the fact that I know if I make a pass, I won't be rejected - because that's why we're here and it's definite.
There is on my side, (the woman,) a sense of seduction and comfort from a man taking care of you. Makes me all hot and bothered. The thrill, well, I haven't come to admit that... but I can totally see what you're talking about. Guess that's why movies with men gambling, seeking P4P, and other stuff are so popular. Some actually jump in and do it.
. . . and nothing will change that. If a guy is "good," he can be cornholing the mayor's daughter in front of city hall, and all they'll say is "wonder what's up with him?" They will be blaming it on one of his "bad" friends. A while ago my SO stared my infidelity in the face, it would have been obvious to anyone else, but her brain rejected it. I was "up to something," all business as usual for me. That's as far as it went. IMO people think they know who you are, and you can never prove them wrong.
Copy-paste of my answer in the other thread:
I'm a 28 year old single guy so I know I don't fit the profile of the typical client. I'm an IT Engineer and make a decent salary, and I think I'm a decent looking guy. Think big bang theory type, if you've seen that show. However I have never been able to get women on my own because I don't have much social skills. I hate bars/clubs and being around a bunch of people I don't know. I'd much prefer to be home and mess around with my computers in my free time.
But with providers, I find it very easy to talk to them, I think because we both already know how this arrangement is going to work. Plus there's nothing quite like being with a beautiful woman who makes you feel like it's her honor to be with you. I have an ATF who I see every few weeks, and right now that is perfect for me. One of these days I may come around and want an LTR, but right now the pay as you go plan is right for me.
Edit: I had the lady who I mentioned over last night actually and she rocked my world just like every other time. Now I feel great today and instead of trying to keep a woman happy so that she'll fuck me again at some point, I can get back to stuff I need/want to do. I will call her again when I feel that urge. Love it.
-- Modified on 9/27/2015 2:25:34 PM
A lot of women just lose all interest in sex and physical intimacy when they get to menopause.
Husbands can insist, but it feels like borderline rape and she gets nothing out of it.
You stay together for other reasons, and find physical intimacy and sex elsewhere.
I know there is this newly approved drug for female libido, but its controversial status seems justified. For a guy taking Viagra or one of its cousins, it is a drug with a short term effect on blood flow that dissipates after a few hours (or I guess a couple days if it is Cialis). However, this female libido drug is psychoactive and basically needs to be a permanent part of her brain chemistry. That is a big decision for a woman.
You guys are dead on !
What married man wants to go through all the drama associated with
Finding a mistress who will bring emotions , drama and other shit .
Going out to see your favorite provider is awesome !
And after all the fun you have with her , including all the stuff your wife
Wont do anymore , its a no brainer.
I love the variety of fresh young ladies or girls or a new mature woman in an NSA encounter. However, it is also the case that I would miss the intimacy that comes with long-term relationships if I didn't do that too. Whether you call them SB or mistress relationships, I would miss mine a lot. I also enjoy the comfort of being able to travel together and do overnights while having a fully sexual relationship. Finally, I love getting to know a partner more completely, and it makes me feel as though I am with an alternative wife.
This (especially the last part) does make me feel guilty. I think if it was just pure P4P, I would be able to compartmentalize it more easily
I dont disagree with you
It is great to have a companion on the side but as married man you are playing with fire .
Peoples emotions can take over and women and men can be unpredictable .
For me as much as i would like to have that kind of relationship on the side
It would not work for me . I reather disapear for an hour or two get my fix
And be back that good loving husband
You have a point about the SB relationship and emotions constituting playing with fire.
The friendship with her is completely in the open, even though the large age difference etc. leads naturally to suspicion (okay, playing with dynamite). The SB part is not of course in the open. Everyone in both families has enough information to put two and two together, but nobody is forced to acknowledge it.
Also, on emotions, she is more level-headed than me and plans to stay single, so I have that advantage in staying out of trouble.
I am lucky
ecause they're spending more time with you and act more like a "girlfriend," there is almost no legal risk involved like there is in pure p4p -- so the available pool of Sugar Babies is much greater to draw from, and thus the cost is driven down.
But other than that, my personal experience is that there is very little difference between the two. I've only been in a few SD/SB relationships, but I can honestly say there is very little difference between the two in almost every facet -- with the slight exception of spending more personal time together -- which tends to be mostly superficial anyway, due to the inescapable age difference (very difficult to carry on a mature dialog with someone barely out of high school).
So for me, whether it's SB or a provider, I put both in the same general category of pay-for-play.
Much easier to hide an affair when you're paying someone off not to tell.
This is where the misconception comes in, that us ladies are only banging nasty, gross guys. Most guys who come to me are attractive people I would date in the real world. I wouldn't date a younger guy or a guy my age naturally though.
Sure, there are the few guys who feel they could never get laid IRL because they're shy, awkward, think they're not great looking, whatever... but most guys either don't have time for a girlfriend and just want sexy time, and admit that. Or they're married and can't deal with the attachment to a real girlfriend. They just want the intimacy and connection, and to leave it all behind and go back home.
Out in the RW, there are loads and loads of single horny guys. I know, and I am tired of going to bars with only girls. I like going with a man to detract the DB's.
IRL, most two want to chitty chitty are single - here they have some kind of commitment they can't risk, and only have small windows of time, or must be traveling to have a lady friend available for the large sum of cash they're willing to give up.
Another thing, a woman who can get laid for free isn't going to be wasting their time on a man who is going home to a wife and kids if there's no money involved. It's probably one of the most dark, depressing things to date a married man and be in love with him. That's why if it's going to happen that he goes home to his wife, he leaves a nice stack of green so I can lean on my emotional rebound. My green pastures lmao.
Seems like a man who is emotionally unavailable would be ideal in those situations, no?
We can keep generalizing all we want about men liking this and women preferring that, but at the end of the day, are we really all that different?
We can keep generalizing all we want about men liking this and women preferring that, but at the end of the day, are we really all that different?
Here is something that has always puzzled me about myself and I wonder if it's just me or true of others as well.
My hobbying happens in bursts that seems to have no correlation with anything going on between me and my SO.
Sometimes, I seem to go for several months without seeing a provider; once, I saw four in a week, two of them on the same day.
I also see from the pattern of reviews that people write - some folks write reviews regularly, but I've seen several folks writing reviews in spurts punctuated by long periods of silence.
I see no apparent pattern in my own behavior. I have hobbied when I am getting plenty at home, I have not hobbied when I am not getting any. Once when I was pissed at my boss, I treated myself to a very high-priced provider.
Here is my point - hobbying is not just about getting blowjobs.
My question to other hobbyists: is there a pattern in when or how often you hobby? Is it correlated with no sex at home? Do you hobby on some regular basis or in spurts? Is it always correlated with feeling horny?
Just trying to understand
The real question you need to ask yourself is why am I not in a open relationship?
Just your questions on here proves that you need to work somethings out at home.
So many people put themselves in a box and live like they have no choices in their life.
You clearly need more than one woman in your life and being honest with yourself is the first step.
Then the next step is making yourself happy no what other people may think of your choice.
It's easier being upfront with your wife instead of worrying about how to cheat without getting busted!
She may not be able to handle it but you already know that too.
Why because of your questions on this site.
Just be a man and live the way you want to be happy.
I was asking a question, sir, not advice or psychoanalysis. But thanks anyway.
So you asked a question and I answered you with the truth.
It's funny how people respond when they hear the truth about themselves.
Just know it's nothing personal sir but some helpful advice.
After truth comes Nirvana.
Waiting for your blessings.
Waiting for your blessings.
Top 10 Reasons for seeking Providers - Single Men
Variety is a primal need of men Even Jimmy Carter lusted in his "heart".
Men very easily differentiate between love and sex.
It is a sure thing - contrary to what others say, free is not easy, not free, not safe, not discreet,
No regrets - No obligation, no need to lie - an honest relationship
The ladies are lovely, many, available, willing, kind, generous and professional. And brave.
It doesn't mean anything. Don't even know her name.
It feels really good. And they have skills...
The ladies don't judge or speculate.
The partner doesn't want to, doesn't like it, won't do it, can't do it. They shouldn't then.
The need that is met by the provider is not the same need that is met by the partner / lover
...or so I'm told....observed. Just say'n.