If someone contacts you asking for a reference
and she provides you with the mans name, number
email and the such, who is the first person you
contact... the man using you as his reference
( even if you do not remember him ) or the provider to tell her you do not remember him?

Never use a lady for a reference, if you haven't asked her permission first.

First I make sure she is a legitimate provider.  I verify website, reviews, and any other pertinent info. If she is legit and has your info, I have no reason to question it.

Unless she sent me the gent's email, I do not contact him,  I will never call a client out of the blue.)

If I am able to provide a reference, I copy the client if an email was provided.  Otherwise, in the absence of an email from the client or an email from the provider, my client will have to wait to hear back from the other provider that a reference was provided.

Many clients do not extend the courtesy of giving me a heads up when using me as a reference.

Hope this helps.

Edited for typos (darn PDA)


-- Modified on 3/4/2010 10:44:32 AM

Thank you. I am confused because when I wrote
to a couple of providers unless I disclosed
the mans contact information I could not get the reference. I realise sometimes we forget when time
passes , I sent his information to the providers but they still wanted him to contact them. One told me she cant remember (I sent his email) the other contacted the client telling HIM she don't remember him and blocked me out.

My first thought was to send only his name work place ( so she remembers ) and a cell . But then they ask me for his email.

I check the websites make sure they are legit  reviews but it was just very strange that a
provider in the same town can't remember someone
after spending many 2 hour appointments with him.

Thank you for the feedback.

a reference on someone You do Not remember...that doesn't make sense to me...I have had guys write me and ask if they could use me as a reference...and of course I Will do that...but I Would Never give a reference for someone I don't remember...how do You know your Not setting someone up for trouble??? If I gave a reference to another provider of someone that I did Not remember...and something happened...I could Never forgive myself...how would someone live with themselves???

that I've heard other ladies mention is the simple fact that it may not be a provider calling. It could just as easily be a wife. That's another reason why it's so important for the guys to get the official okey dokey from the lady before they use her as a reference.

Why would anyone get on a public board and start answering screening questions posed by an alias?

point...I always seem to forget about..."the other woman"  ohhh yeahhhh...there I go again...I'm the other woman..lol...but in all seriousness...that is a Great point...I have Never had a Provider contact me first...so Thanks for bringing that to my attention...I would hate to give out info and then find out it was the Wife.

second that even though you are using an alias as well.

To verify the lady as a provider.  If an email request, I check the site.  I make sure that the email address is the same one listed on her site.

If by phone, I get the info, go to the site and only call back the number on her site.

It makes sense to let the lady know in advance, but I would say 80% of my clients do not.  Whether its because they feel uncomfortable doing so, as if I would take offense (which I do not) or because they just don't think its an issue and assume I will reference them.
This can be a problem as I sometimes get reference requests dating back 2 or 3 years and I do not give references that far back.

I think it is smart to ask and verify with the girl you will be using as a ref. That way we know to expect a phone call and/or email.

I always ask for a memory jogger if I do not remember the gent. Then she can contact you and say "could you please provide me when/where memory jogger for your refs. Other information that might help the girls remember there time with you is also helpful". That way you have all your bases covered.

If I got all that and I still did not remember him I would ask her to let him know to give me a call so we can try to figure it out!

I dont usually have a hard time remembering my dates though.

xoxox

When contacting another provider about a referral first, you should make sure that you have not made a mistake with the email address. Second, when you finally contact her using her correct email address (and you did get an answer from her then, did you not?) you should not attack her and assume that she has blocked you. You then come here under an alias trying to get people on your side when there is no side. You fucked up and over reacted to a situation you created and you needed someone to side with you. That said!!!

Since we are airing dirty laundry lets give these people the facts. The gentleman in question contacted me (at the correct email address) a month ago to see me and I told him that I would not see him unless I could reverify him as it had been over a 1 1/2 year since our last visit and people do change.

Since I could not reverify him, he then contacted you requesting an appointment. After which he contacted me asking me to give him a reference (again at the correct email address) and I told him that because it had been over a 1 1/2 years since I had seen him that I could not in clear conscious give him a referral. But you on the other hand did not enter the correct email address and it got shot back at you, so you assume that you were blocked.

So when you finally sent an email to the correct address it was only to attack and accuse me of something that I did not do. If you had contacted me at the correct email address I would have told you what I told the gentleman. But you on the other hand attacked me and my policies for giving a referral. I stand by what I did and your posting here and your emails will not change that. You should think before you go flying of the handle. It would have saved us both a lot of grief.

He was a great guy and all worked out .
Thankful he had a well known provider
who remembered him .

Thanks for the feedback!