One for the ladies. I'm thinking about asking out my atf on a personal level.  I have I think gotten some cues that she might want me too. I've always been bad at reading that sort of thing. Wondering if I do and she's not interested in that will that ruin a great provider/hobbiest situation?

that she can no longer be a provider?

I've thought of that not at first but maybe in the future. I'm cool with open relationship. But being a provider I'd have to really contumplate.

...as to what kind of cues?

Next time you see her, don't pay her.  You'll find out your answer then.

Unless the cue is "I want to date you like a civilian" then I wouldn't bother. Just enjoy the relationship offered.  

and she is interested you might find out dating a provider tends to be more expensive then hobbying with her(think about it).  If she is not interested then a few things could happen 1)she will be less available to you or maybe stop seeing you altogether, 2)she may prey on knowing you like her like that and begin to contact you to see her more often, 3)your sessions will not be anything like they once were.

Many guys misread a providers signals and generally I would say wait till she says something.  Many times what you could be reading as a come on is actually just a part of the GFE that the particular lady excels at.  When you visit with us you are in fact comping us to be your personal girlfriend for that duration but that also comes with a closing of the door after.  There may be playful texts and emails if she likes you but keep in mind that while we are human and do date too, this is not the place to go looking for love.  It is in fact the place to quench lust and all things sexual or sensual that you do not or are unable to get at home be it that someone is there for you or not.  

When lines are crossed and blurred one or the other can often times find them selves being taken advantage of in many many ways.  Best way to keep that from happening is to always keep things in the proper prospective till the provider says otherwise and even then know that being with a provider on a personal level can be a very pricey venture...

Lastly guys, I know many of you just assume that we are pretty much all single but in my personal experience most providers in fact do have some type of SO though many will never admit to it.

Listen to Sage.  Hobbying is not dating!!!  Unfortunately, there are some dopes that will never get it.

Don't do it.  Unless you have concrete evidence that she has feelings for you beyond the normal ones associated with casual incentive based sex, unless she has told you several times that she wants to move on from providing, that she no longer appreciates it and has other long term goals, unless you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly tell yourself that you don't care about her past or the amount of men she was with, then it's bound to fail.  I had all three of those and it still failed.  Of course she wasn't a FS provider but it's still the same psychology.  

A dynamic has already been set.  You have been paying her for sex.  She sees you as a provider of your own, money.  Sex with you, in her mind, is associated with money.  It is also associated with you leaving after the allotted time.  It is also loosely associated with having sex with everyone else in this business and you having done so yourself.  To be able to break those associations,  you will both need to stay away from "the game" and learn new associations with each other.  You can't choose them.  They must happen on their own.  Think about the consequences of this.   This means she no longer provides, which in turns means her name, which is her brand, takes a hit.  She may not care if she wants to move on but if you can't detect that and she hasn't stated that, specifically to you, then she probably doesn't want to.  Any new job she gets, if her heart isn't into it, and she is only doing it for you, will constantly be compared to the income level of the job she had before, the one she has right now.  This new financial disadvantage will be associated with you and your decision to break the dynamic.  Lastly, you will have to constantly deal with notion that her former clients might be around you, they could be anywhere and anyone and you will never know.  If this bothers you, then it will fail as well.

Of course then there is the other side of it.  If it does fail, then you cannot put the cream back in the Twinkie can you?  The relationship, having defaulted back to its original dynamic will fail as well.  She will no longer have the same feelings for you, or the same passion that she now shows you in that allotted time frame, and neither will you.  It will constantly feel like a failed situation and it will make you both unhappy.  Now you will have to move on and find another provider and still have to emotionally recover from her at the same time.

Finally, you mentioned that you wanted it to be an open relationship to start.  That instead of you showing up and paying her for sex, that you will date loosely and casually, while she continues to provide, and that you will have sex with her, and that she will not want compensation for it.  :0

 Whatever your decision is, I wish you the best of luck.  Despite a wealth of wisdom available at our fingertips, life is about taking risks and living it with your heart on your sleeve.  The wisest people in the world are not those who sat around contemplating things but rather went out and had their asses handed to them time and time again. And yet they still get up and do it again.

If that's the case, you have no reason to ask her out.  The above comment implies that you're okay with what she does for a living, *as long as she is not your girlfriend*. That's a horrible double-standard.

Thanks for all the great advice. I'm just gonna have fun with what it is now.

She won't date you,    She's interested in draining  your balls and bank account!  

She needs to work. If you don't want her to do this eventually, don't promise to support her then pull out the "I shouldn't have to pay if this is real" crap. And don't tell her who to see and when if she continues to work. This is a livelihood of a woman. Sure, love is great, but love + being flat broke is very stressful.  

Don't put her in an impossible situation. It happens a lot to women, and it's not fair at all.  

Sugar Daddy maybe?  

Even if you wouldn't do the above, when you decide to one day try to get her to quit and/or back out of your part of the agreement, come back and read this.  

Otherwise, good luck.  


-- Modified on 5/12/2014 12:47:15 AM

Thank you you're right that's a double standard.  I work on being as open minded as I can. I have a ton of respect for the ladies. I now have to work on removing that double standard from my thought process. We're always growing and maturing.

Brother trknco, I know you asked for opinions from the ladies, but here is my (un-solicited) $0.02.

First off, forget about ever falling in love with her. Unfortunately you guys met under the wrong circumstances and that will forever prevent this from moving in the direction you most want it to move into.

However, if there really is chemistry between you two that extends outside of the white envelope, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a 'Friends with Benefits' relationship with her, just as long as 'benefits' each and every time includes Cash.  

I have had a few ATFs that have evolved into this type of relationship and it is always becomes something I will always remember fondly. Often these women enjoy going out OTC to dinner or drinks with me before or after a session, or even if they are bored & in the area and we do not have a session scheduled. Some have even invited me over to their house to help them hook up a TV or fix something etc.  

If it is a woman I deeply enjoy spending time with, I am always happy to help them out, but the #1 rule is that no matter how much OTC time you spend with someone, EVERY time there is sex involved you are, and should be, expected to pay. No questions. If you really do like her you can just think of the money as helping her out or giving a gift. Monetary compensation doesn't always have to be dirty or negative. The money is part of her long term goals she's set for herself, and you are helping her out with those goals by contributing towards them. Nothing wrong with that at all my friend.

It is a fine line to walk, but you can enjoy your special relationship you have with this woman and even let it continue to evolve without ever breaking the rule of what it fundamentally is all about

Curious, what might be considered a successful Sugar Daddy relationship?

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This is a different definition of FWB from the civvie world but it works.