A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, ”You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only
invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

with Your Provider Not the Wife...lol...We Will always safe a Penis and save a horse and Ride a Man

He spoke first to the husband alone. The Doctor told the man that he had a disease that could most likely kill him. His only hope was complete bed rest for at least 6 months. He wouldn’t be able to get out of bed at all. He would need constant bedside care, meals, toilet care, bathing . . .everything. And very key to keeping his circulation healthy he would need a complete massage with a happy ending every day.

The Doctor then spoke privately with the wife. He was sure he had convinced her of the man’s situation. As she left the Doctor’s office, the husband asked, “What did the Doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die.”