I was just reading an article from a provider's perspective about how terrible their clients are at oral sex, how they just lap away as if that felt good in any way, but they let them think they're doing a good job just to make their clients happy.

Not cool... the pleasure derived from giving a girl oral sex is knowing that you're giving her amazing pleasure, even making her cum!  Now to find out that's not the case at all, that it's in fact annoying and a chore to have to sit through?

I would just ask any provider I see to be honest with me and tell me what feels best, how to do it so she really gets off, if I'm doing something wrong, TELL ME don't just pretend it feels good when it doesn't.

I used to pride myself on always having brought my dates to orgasm, several times... now I don't know what to believe

It's so subjective that you can't really say if someone is truly "bad" or "good. Different people like such a wide variety of different things. I've had what I thought were terrible BJs from women who were presented as being awesome at it, but they were only terrible in my own experience. Obviously other guys thought they were awesome. The variance in sensitivity is very wide. I need a lot of moisture and consistent attention to the entire penis to really say I'm loving it, other guys are super sensitive and don't want it firm, and there's everything in between.

Anyway... this is a business. The women we're with are providing a fantasy. You have to accept that and understand that just as with an IRL romantic partner, you're not gonna be able to get everyone off. For some, nothing you do will get them off, some just don't work that way.  

The brain is the greatest sex organ. If you're not sure if you're doing what she likes, ask for direction. Chances are better that if you ask her she'll tell you what she enjoys. But asking here is probably a waste of time, because if 30 women were all honest you're likely to get 30 different answers.

You've gotta think less and feel yourself "be" in the moment more.

But master Yoda said I should be mindful of the living force...

Master Yoda is 3 feet tall and green, $10 says he never got any.

END OF MESSAGE

Long time ago, way before I became a provider, I was interested in what men like the most about bbbj. I can't recall the book I've read or the name of the author. She was an escort and she insisted that men like it around the head and it takes 15 minutes longer to get them off that way. Also, she said there are basically two spots (below the head and near base) that women should be focused on.  

I like your approach of asking what gets her off, it means you're actually care. Every woman should know her body and what makes her feel good and they shouldn't expect men to figure it out, especially on their first meeting. We have to guide each other often times, to make it work, as a good team Practice and patience  

Sometimes, men need to remember, women don't have an erection and with the motion that stops--the feelings stops too. When she tells you "don't stop," it's because she can't hold the feeling when you stop and you have to start all over to get her close to the point.. She might also say "don't change," means whatever you do, don't change the rhythm, intensity, or angle. Some men might think the women are being bossy, when in fact, they hand their men direction how to make them feel good.  

A word about my bbbj. Only one, out of almost 90 reviewers, said it was too soft for him and he couldn't finish that way and I feel so sorry he wasn't happy, but people who know me, they know I would never do it rough rather sensual and soft, neither I would ever bite nipples hard, etc. I'm afraid to hurt people even if they ask me to. I'm sorry, for those who like rough bbbj, I'm not good in it

If you are going to lap on their parts for hours on end, ladies would prefer that you do it in a pleasant manner, so with any kind of rapport at all they will happily share some tips (though there is no one way that will please everyone). To be fair, you also should be ready to hear an answer you may not like, "I would prefer to skip it."

Like poker, there are tells - if she gets wet and seems to be coming almost before you have touched her, the message is "Please stop this ASAP." If she sits there quietly and the only moisture seems to be what is coming from your saliva, the message may be "I will be a good girl and endure this, but it ain't fun." OTOH, if she seems to be gushing, legs are quivering, she is holding your face in a death grip, shoving your head down and screaming, "Don't stop!" she probably likes it. Or she is a great actress. Does it really matter which one it is?

Most of what I have learned, both from published research and conversations with providers that I came to know in a less professional way, seems to suggest that how much, or little, fun, a provider has with you does not have anywhere near as much to do with you as you imagine - she is bringing her own baggage to the party, and if she has to rely on the next client being a good lover to get through it without anguish, she is not going to last very long in this business.

Which is not to say that you should not try to please her, take pleasure in pleasing her, and learn to do a better job of pleasing her, or that at the extreme (say the guy who stinks, has three days of stubble and whose touch is most similar to being battered by an angry Grizzly Bear all the way down to the claws on his fingers, or the guy who looks like Brad Pitt, knows how to read every breath and movement and bring any lady to some non-stop orgasmic state) we cannot make it fun, or very unpleasant for any lady, just that most of the time we make a lot less difference than we think.

Anyway, see someone a few times, get relaxed and ask her to coach you. It works.

zig

...if something isn't right OR if I want something I DID like done more. I want to cum too lol and if even then  I feel it won't happen anytime soon I will tell him and we can still have fun doing lots of other things.