When he finally wakes up in the hospital the nurse summons the doctor. The doctor sits down next to the man's bed and says, "Sir, you were in a terrible car accident. You will be fine except for that In the car accident your penis was severed from the rest of your body and we can not find it. The good news is that your insurance covers this and the insurance company is sending you a check for $10,000 to cover the cost of a penile prosthetic. I just need you to give me the proper dimensions that the prosthetic should be. It would probably be good to discuss the right size with your wife when she gets here. I will stop by tomorrow morning and you can tell me what you decide." The man nods in agreement.

Next morning the doctor visits his patient. "Did you talk with your wife last night?", he asks.  

"Yes, I did" the man says.

"Have you two decided what you want to do?" asks the doctor.

"Yes, we're getting new kitchen cabinets"

The other driver had his wife in the passenger seat. They were arguing (as usual) which is why he took his eyes off the road, just for a second.

Waking up in pain and a hospital bed, the doc sat down with him, very serious:

"Sir, your wife is in a coma. There is a good chance she will wake up, but her body is so badly damaged that she will never walk or even be able to use her arms again. She will probably live a good long life, but it's likely that you will have to feed her, bathe her, and tend to all her physical needs 24 hours a day for the rest of your lives. She'll also likely need lots of emotional support and TLC."

The guy's head is reeling, "oh my god, are you sure about all this?"

The doc says, "Naaaah! I was just fucking with you! She's dead"

END OF MESSAGE

You always crack me up!!!

xoxo,

Steph

END OF MESSAGE

It was a terrible accident and the man was emasculated completely. They rushed him to the hospital and even though the doctors tried very hard the severed member was no longer viable. After hearing the bad news the man was heartbroken for he was engaged to be married to a beautiful young woman and he didn't know how to break the news to her.  

One doctor asked the others to leave him alone with the accident victim for a few minutes. This doctor was from India and he thought he could help the man. He told him that there were some procedures available in India that wouldn't normally be considered in the US. The man was desperate for some kind of solution and agreed to fly to India with the doctor the next day. When they arrived in India the doctor began to tell him about the experimental treatment. "You see we are going to find an elephant and.."
"Hold on Doctor I don't think that will work. It won't be anywhere near proportionate.." The doctor assures him, "We aren't going to transplant the elephants penis, of course that wouldn't be sensible, but we are going to use a bit of the trunk and create a penis from that".  

"Oh, I see' said the man. Ok let's try it.

Four months later the man is having dinner with his betrothed and her parents. As they are sitting across from each other she gets a little frisky and starts playing footsy. Her foot is playing with his newly fashioned penis and he gets a little bold and unzips. Sudden his penis lashes out and swipes an apple from the centerpiece on the table.

His future mother-in-law sees the entire thing and says to him "Well that was quite impressive, can you do that again?"

He says "yeah I probably could but I'm not sure my asshole could take another apple right now".

END OF MESSAGE