So last night. I decide to have dinner at my favorite bar and there sits my boyfriend and his two buddies... I order my martini and tell them I won't stay long. I know they are on thier man date...

Boys will be boys, as they discuss video games, and the girl with the thong, the hot bar tender and a gripe or two about the wives..etc, etc..

Then I somehow get invovled in a conversation that goes something like

John, tries to explain to his wife that she needs to fetch her GF and bring them home if that is what she wants.. That it works better that way. Instead of him trying to pick up the girl and bring her home

Eric,, Also married forever, all he wants in his life is a 3 way.. My BF and and John are telling him how to do it and they will cover for him but he must be discreet...Mind you my BF is preeching the whole hire a girl but be discreet and how it will help him etc, etc. Which makes me start wondering how many times he has done so... ( this does not bother me so much. I think this is kind of funny actually) I just hope he does not call me by accident but I doubt he will.. see below! LOL

MY BF.. shares with his buddies, All he wants is a 25 year old, hot body, nympho...think in terms of the 100 lb spinner type.I remind my BF that he is the luckiest man in the world. I don't usually mind his excursions and fantasy's. ( mind you, I am aware of the fantasies and we have had a few adventures together and I do encourage him to flirt with other women etc, etc, or point out the hot ones to him...

At this point It's time for me to go..( I can tell the boys are wondering about my loyality to the other wives)

Now I am home and kind of pissy... with not a single good reason..
me knowing that I have an appointment today and its just sex.. I enjoy my job and my friends but I don't date my friends.. period!!!! I am not 25 anymore nor am I just 100 lbs and it bugs the hell out of me.. I debated this morning on reminding him that I wanted a muscular man with a huge dick and a fat wallat but decided that was not fair...

Ladies.. Next time you man is out on his date night with the boys.. leave.................You don't need to know what they are talking about...I am acting like such a girl.

P. S. I did realize boys are just like girls. we all talk about the same crap for the most part!

What is wrong with who you are?  I dont understand the desire for lil young spinners.  I know a few of the Carolina Boys that love that but Jess your very attractive and hotter than hell.

It is cool that yall can talk openly about things.  But sometimes I think some things need to go without being spoken aloud.  I have had the opprotunity in my younger days of getting too close to ladies night out.  Can be disillusional.  But we are all who we are and there are limitations to what we can change.

You are 100% correct on both parts..

Boys night should be boys night and it is that way for a reason. Just like girls night.

I am mostly fine with who I am.. I just don't like getting older... every woman struggles with this.

I do love the fact that we can be so open and honest and would much rather have it that way then to keep all the secrets that most of my friends keep. Obviously we have a few of our own . Nothing is perfect.

Thanks Roadie
your the best

We all get older.  You on the other hand got a lot of good years to go.  Some of us start looking at the idea that 50 seems like a good point to go back to. Things start to change and time is no longer on my side.  So just think that today is going to be a great day and let tomorrow worry bout itself.

he said all of that while you were sitting there on purpose. Kind of like to get back at you for all the great sex you have when he is not around

Think about it

Guys can be insecure creatures too

that was just plain mean, rude, hurtful, and inconsiderate of him. When I'm "with" someone, I make it a point to make them feel like they are my number one

Marie, He does not know and I can't have it both ways. I understand very well that sex is just sex and a fantasy is just a fantasy..

speaking of being rude, hurtful and inconsiderate.
My seceret is the one wall between us.. ( that is my fault not his) and I can't and won't make him pay for my own guilt. that is not fair either..

most days... I am more then ok with knowing he likes the younger, smaller ones. I have been known to bring one or two home.... ( I miss those days too)

I am just wondering out loud at the fact that I acknowlege getting older and Im not 25 any more.
that's all...The thought of being traded in for a new model is a bit scary..

Guys, need thier space and thier buddies.. a place to vent or do whatever they do.. I need my girl time just as well..

That is all............

I swear my butt has defied gravity and worked its way up to around my waist...

Frame of your mind, jess you just keep getting better and more beautiful on the inside as well the outside. Don't try and change a single thing about yourself.
Life begins at 40, then 50, then 60 and I get back to you on 70.
Keep smiling and the world will smile with you.

"25 & 100 ibs" because if you were, then I wouldn't be wanting to meet you !!!!

For me & an awful lot of men, ladies in their 30's & 40's have a certain style & grace that 20-boppers have not learned yet. Most of them (notice I said "most of them") have not learned the craft of eroticism or the intuitiveness of how to please a particular partner. They are learning how to please............while YOU KNOW how to please. I know there are a gazillion attractive 20-something spinners out there...........& they probably spin like tops, but they also may lack the ability to provide the total xxxperience like a lady in her 30's, 40's & probably beyond. There is much more than just taking a "spin" around the block. That's where y'all kick their fannies !!

I have actually "converted" a couple of gents who always wanted to see the young spinners to the "classic seductress". They now tell me that they won't go back.

Remember Mrs. Robinson? I had a Mrs. Robinson in college...........& she put those college girls to shame. She taught me the "finer things" in life

So......all you ladies in your 30's, 40's & 50's ------------ just keep staying your sexy-selves because the 20-something spinners want to be just like you !!!!!!!

My parents are elderly because they act and think like elderly people

I'm going to act how I feel. Screw age. I want to have fun!!!!

It's not always about trading in for the younger, firmer, whatever. Many times it's just a matter of seeking that "something different".  It's not that I would want to be with anyone else than who I am with now for the rest of my life, but it's fun to think about that girl who is

smaller
bigger
taller
bigger boobs
flat chested (I have no idea why ANYONE would want this, but...)
redhead
blonde
shorter
tiny
with a penis

He's comfortable expressing his basic desires, but I'm sure he would never trade you in for anyone.

IMHO

Thanks for all of the sweet kind words..
Let me be clear....

#!. Boys need thier guy time and I should not have been a part of it. Guy time is as natural as girl time and WE NEED IT!

#2.. Yes, I am still a girl and am not always feeling my best.. Thanks for all the support and kind words.

#3.. I was acknowleging that I was being silly and how silly it was that I reacted that way...

#4 My relationship with my BF on some level is more honest then most. Obviously he can be more honest then I am.. I find that ironic and something to stive for. but the fact that he trust me to be honest is an honor and something that I worked hard for...

Thanks for letting me share..
It was nice to see what boys do when boys will be boys... very refreshing and makes me a bit humble too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a very special friend that I go out with just about every weekend. He makes me feel like the most special lady (and I use that term loosely) on the planet. And I do my best to make him feel special as well (although he is FAR better at it than I). By the middle of the week, I'm totally looking forward to our plans for our next get together.

We value and respect each others feelings

One time I realized I said something I shouldn't and I felt awful!!!! I have made it a point to watch what I share. We both know each other hobbies, but when we are together.....we are together

Jessica, I feel what you call "honesty" in your relationship is hurtful to you. I also feel you are trying to convince yourself it's not

Sure you BF is intitled to a guys night out. But I feel if you should show up, he should watch his mouth

One more thing and I'm done....you talk about how important it is that he is able to be "honest" (although that's not what I would call it). What about you? Are you alowed to be honest? or do you think that because you are in the hobby and are keeping that from him that you don't deserve to share your feelings and be heard? Maybe you're afraid if you don't let him talk to you like one of the guys, you'll lose him. Maybe you're compromising yourself in order to keep a guy.

If this post makes you mad at me, please remember that it was made out of love...not judgement. Not long ago I was kind of/sort of in a similar situation. Now that I can look back, I realize I deserved better. I only want the best for you.

Marie

First off Red you know that I really care for you!! Having said that what your bf did was just plain rude!  If he really wanted to have a guys night then he should have asked you politely to leave.   I am sure you wouldn't have appreciated it if you were with your friends and one of their bfs interjected himself. However once he accepted your presence he should have treated you like the lady you are!  To say he wants to be with a young spinner in front of you was totally rude and disgusting and you should tell him that!

Jessica, you miss that 25 year old not because she was only 100 lbs. In fact, you and I both know that, outside the hobby, you could bed a 25 year old guy any time you want. The thing is you wouldn't. It's your choice not to be that 25 year old girl anymore. We miss that 25 year old because when it came to relationships it was all about passion. We didn't complicate it with finances, society,exes, compatibility, etc. When we fell in love we were "all in" because we believed it would be forever and our life would have endless possibilities and being disappointed never crossed our minds.  Yes, we were naive then,  but it was an awesome time. Now, we are "wiser", "mature", more calculated. We don't go "all in", we don't dare because we know of the disappointment around the corner. So we put up our fences on any new relationship and it's not as exciting as when we were younger and that depresses us.

Thanks for putting yourself out there and letting us all psychoanalyze you. Thanks for letting us relate because, trust me, we all struggle with the same. You're the brave one to post, not us.

And if you read all of Jessica's posts, she even states she wont tell him what kind of guy she wants because he wouldn't like it. She knows comments like that hurt which is why she wont do it to him. Yet she allows him to do it to her and calls it "honest"


Oh my gawd I've been there!!!!! D:

-- Modified on 4/25/2012 4:35:07 PM

I sent you a private Email..

but I am not sure if you can get them or not?

Thanks marie and I know some of the guys won't agree but essentially what her bf's remarks conveyed to his friends was that Jessica isn't good enough for him.    Also it doesn't say much about his friends didn't call him out on it.  I would have been like "dude you just disrespected your woman in front of her!!" I also would have said you can have the young spinner I will take Jessica. LOL!!  I guess I am just old school where men are supposed to respect and protect their women!!  If you do have a problem then you deal with it behind closed doors!!

Okay that ends today's Dear Hondo's column!!