If we clicked on all levels I would date a provider. I read some of the posts here where guys worte about jealousy, and they wouldn't want the woman out banging other 'wolves' , etc. How many of them are married or in a relationship? Isn't that what they're doing?
I have 'met' two women that I would absolutely love to date short term or long term.
If you saw a woman in the mall, grocery store or library and thought..Wow, she's nice I'd like to get to know her. Then by chance you contacted her via a medium like this not knowing it was the same woman you admired in the store/library.
She of course had no idea you had admired her from a far for a long time. But as chance would have it...you really clicked.
Would you pursue this woman and be able to handle what she does?
Sorry for the equivocation but it really depends on the person. I'd like to think I could have but I'm not sure. If this were somewhere in Europe, say, Germany or the Netherlands, then I think it would be more likely. Sadly I'd say that unless the person is truly unique jealousy would get the better of the relationship.
It's possible. The gentleman would have to be very confident and secure in the relationship. Confident being the operative word.
Nope.
-- Modified on 1/31/2011 8:59:32 AM
Trying to date a provider? Hasn't this subject come up so many times that the old regulars are expressing their weariness of it in incisively sarcastic posts? The answer would more likely be "Now that you have met her as a provider and bought her time, you had best keep your distance from her in that mall, grocery store or library, lest you risk appearing to be a stalker. Oh, and learn how to use the 'Search' function to see if this horse-beaten topic was ever raised before!"
This topic is always interesting, and not everyone has had an opportunity to express their view. Thanks for your comment.
Not saying that it would be the case with you, but most of the providers I know on a more personal level have "issues" of one sort or another.
In addition, I would not want my females to be out there fucking other wolves.
What if she would quit? If you were able to help her financially to get back on her feet and gainfully employed?
In addition, I would not want my females to be out there fucking other wolves.
"help her financially to get back on her feet"
Just an opinion, but anyone making that kind of money should be way better than "on her feet".
The fact that so many AREN'T is actually proof in itself that there are multiple "issues" going on.
I don't want another dependent.
Problem is that some providers make a lot of money and should not have to be bailed out.
Especially you baby!!
Thank you Darlin...long time no hear from. Hope all is well!
contribute to the economy.
Re-connected with my first girlfriend a couple of years back via the Net. The flame re-kindled between us via email & phone (her in Canada, me in VT). During our talks, she let me know she was a provider. Didn't faze me initially - helped her with her website, gave her some marketing tips from a consumer's point of view, even took some pics for her site during one of our visits. However, I grew increasingly nervous with her getting drunk & high w/guys, driving buzzed, and her lack of personal security, and increasingly uncomfortable with her business. (The wasted, "Wanna know how happy I made my date tonight?" calls at 2:30 AM didn't help much either) In the end, we decided to be just friends. There is no more YMMV question than this.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. But remember Everyone is different and she sounds like a free spirit, maybe she just wasn't ready to have a relationship more than a friend.
I think I would be uncomfortable with the behavior you describe regardless of her proffesion. You had issue with her getting high/drunk, driving buzzed, this can happen with anyone, bartender, salesperson, office worker. It sounds as if she was just irresponsible and had issues not because of being a provider.
Lisa
The issue of dating in any context boils down to chemistry in the relationship. If someone enjoys another’s company, respects them as a person and an individual, then the potential they could survive as couple is greatly increased.
Obviously this business is one were both parties would have to be able to compartmentalize their work life from their social life. As could imagine this means compartmentalizing their sex life also.
A sex worker has the added difficulty of having to deal with the reality that their work brings with it all kinds of stereotypes and attitudes about what a woman’s role is and what a relationship between men and woman is supposed to be. The operative words in that last statement is “supposed to be”. The culture we live in creates definitions of what a man and woman’s role should be. The same culture imposes a stigma on those who choose to live outside the boundaries of the cultural norm. Certainly providers fall outside our cultural norm by choice.
I suspect many men say they could not date a provider because in reality they could not deal with the stigma of having others know their “significant other” is a sex worker.
Sure there are also many men who live in a constant state of hypocrisy and who can’t deal with the fact “their” woman are fucking other guys. As if sex with another person is what defines love. For many of those, it really is an issue of either being secure in their own sexuality and even their own skin.
For others in this group its because they really do view woman as a possession and if they can’t “own” them, completely in the physical sense then they don’t want them. These are the men I suspect many providers would rather avoid as clients also. These are the men who I suspect secretly despise providers because of the power shift the woman gains by controlling her sexuality, her economic security and their destiny.
For me, I think woman who work in this profession all have varying reasons, from economic survival to a simple joy of sex and the high they get from having control of the sexual exchange. Sadly there are also those who are in it because they have NO control and others control their participation and sometime even the circumstances.
For me, if a provider was one who worked in this business because she was totally secure and confident in herself, she loved sex and joy of human interaction and each day was one where looked forward to the excitement of meeting and being with new and interesting people, Then yes I would very much enjoy dating even marrying that kind of woman. Especially if the woman was one who exercised economic control in her life and she managed all aspects of her finances in a responsible way. (And not because I would want to take advantage of that either)
But I don’t think I would feel comfortable dating or marrying a woman in this business who was insecure, irresponsible or unhappy about herself as a woman or individual no matter how striking she was or how big her breasts were. I may be able to enjoy an hour with someone like that but whenever I feel a provider isn’t a happy person I usually don’t plan on seeing them again no matter how good the sex was.
So in a long-winded way, what it boils down to for me is that each situation would be different, but if I found a woman in this business who was happy and secure in what she does, then I th
ImagineUs,
Thank you for your response. And I agree with you completely. First of all you never know why a provider is a provider and it's unfair to stereotype all providers as irresponsible with their money when you don't know what their monthly expenses or obligations are. Most men assume that providers make xyz and they just spend it frivolously on hair, makeup, cloths, nails, etc,etc,etc... Perhaps some do. I don't know perhaps they don't. That's another topic, lol.
For this example I used just a random encounter in a grocery store or library. The reason being is that when you first saw the person you had no predisposed assumptions about her. All you thought is "Wow, I'd like to get to know her"
Then as chance may be, you did meet her. Remember, she had no idea you had seen her from afar and it was just fate that she happened to be the a provider that you meet one day.
Your response makes complete sense to me, because it sounds like you don't judge a book by it's cover, since your closing was cut. I'll never know.
The issue of dating in any context boils down to chemistry in the relationship. If someone enjoys another’s company, respects them as a person and an individual, then the potential they could survive as couple is greatly increased.
Obviously this business is one were both parties would have to be able to compartmentalize their work life from their social life. As could imagine this means compartmentalizing their sex life also.
A sex worker has the added difficulty of having to deal with the reality that their work brings with it all kinds of stereotypes and attitudes about what a woman’s role is and what a relationship between men and woman is supposed to be. The operative words in that last statement is “supposed to be”. The culture we live in creates definitions of what a man and woman’s role should be. The same culture imposes a stigma on those who choose to live outside the boundaries of the cultural norm. Certainly providers fall outside our cultural norm by choice.
I suspect many men say they could not date a provider because in reality they could not deal with the stigma of having others know their “significant other” is a sex worker.
Sure there are also many men who live in a constant state of hypocrisy and who can’t deal with the fact “their” woman are fucking other guys. As if sex with another person is what defines love. For many of those, it really is an issue of either being secure in their own sexuality and even their own skin.
For others in this group its because they really do view woman as a possession and if they can’t “own” them, completely in the physical sense then they don’t want them. These are the men I suspect many providers would rather avoid as clients also. These are the men who I suspect secretly despise providers because of the power shift the woman gains by controlling her sexuality, her economic security and their destiny.
For me, I think woman who work in this profession all have varying reasons, from economic survival to a simple joy of sex and the high they get from having control of the sexual exchange. Sadly there are also those who are in it because they have NO control and others control their participation and sometime even the circumstances.
For me, if a provider was one who worked in this business because she was totally secure and confident in herself, she loved sex and joy of human interaction and each day was one where looked forward to the excitement of meeting and being with new and interesting people, Then yes I would very much enjoy dating even marrying that kind of woman. Especially if the woman was one who exercised economic control in her life and she managed all aspects of her finances in a responsible way. (And not because I would want to take advantage of that either)
But I don’t think I would feel comfortable dating or marrying a woman in this business who was insecure, irresponsible or unhappy about herself as a woman or individual no matter how striking she was or how big her breasts were. I may be able to enjoy an hour with someone like that but whenever I feel a provider isn’t a happy person I usually don’t plan on seeing them again no matter how good the sex was.
So in a long-winded way, what it boils down to for me is that each situation would be different, but if I found a woman in this business who was happy and secure in what she does, then I th
So in a long-winded way, what it boils down to for me is that each situation would be different, but if I found a woman in this business who was happy and secure in what she does, then I think I could.
Why you on the market? LOL
Maybe...for now just curious. The reason I made the post is because I was standing in a grocery store one day and notice a very handsome gentleman and wondered if I were a hobbyist and he showed up at my doorstep how would I feel. Would I shun him because of the way he supports himself or would I take the time to find out why and accept his way of life then see where it would take us.
From what I've seen, most guys trying to date providers meet them as providers first and then try to date them, and unfortunately this board (and others) is littered with sob stories of guys getting their hearts broken (and bank accounts emptied) by opportunistic providers.
I wouldn't have an issue dating a woman I know to be a provider, but that's because I'm a hobbyist. I don't believe many civvie men would be able to deal with it. If the sparks fly, and the feelings turn out to be genuine on both sides, then it becomes extremely difficult to ignore the wanting heart.
However, If the guy is married, the relationship is unlikely to ever evolve past a "sugarbaby" situation, which is essentially an upgrade from a rental to a long-term lease (at least from the guy's perspective).
Interesting perspective. Makes total sense to me, but remember when you first saw her you didn't know she was a provider. You just thought "Wow I really think she's nice" meeting her on your doorstep...under not so traditional circumstances...how would you feel?
Well, everyone's situation is different, but for me, if I truly was interested in dating her, I would actually be relieved to find out that she was a provider because I then would have one less woman to hide my exxxtracurricular activities from. I wouldn't have a problem dating her, but I couldn't date someone who continued to provide. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite, but that's just how it would be for me.
If you like someone it's for who they are not what they do. For me this would be a big turn on i catch the one others want. My dreams came true. Fess up Lisa your in lust over me too :P
It's great to hear you have such a positive perspective. I mean really just because a guy is a attorney and a person may have been sued in the past, does that mean they won't date attorney's? Seriously people have to follow your advice and look at the person for who they are and not what they do.
we are complicated and unless they played here and were so comfortable with this world and themselves I can't see many actually being ok with it.
Although many think they are in my experience they truly are not. I have not yet met one, even though I know they are out there, who I wouldn't have to hide some part of this from. Its very *in your face* and very complicated. I wish you the best of luck in your search.
Hi Nicole,
I understand where you're coming from, but I think it should be on a case by case basis. Both people would have to understand the boundaries. I'm sure if she was coming home drunk and high every night and talking about how she rocked someones world, won't fly. Nor would if he asked her about what happened behind closed doors.
Thinking of it like an attorney client based relationship where everything said between the attorney and client is confidential and just enjoying each others company in my opinion could work.
If you are asking if I, a hobbiest, would like to have dinner in a nice restaurant with one of the lovely providers here - absolutely. I have had some great non-sexual times with providers over the years, so a date would be very enjoyable. There are 2 types of providers out there: 1) the transient girls that blow in for a few weeks and they may be a potential to date and 2) the girls that have put down roots here, may have a child - I do not think they would want to date a client. I think they want to keep these to parts of their lives separate. They do not want to be recognized or greeted when they are living their non-provider life.
Sometimes people are just that people, no alternative motive, just enjoying each others company. What happens, happens. I've always been told when I ask "What's He/She doing with Him/Her?" "You can't help who you fall in L%$# with"
Lol, Btw, this is a fictional situation. I was just curious to hear peoples points of view.
Thanks for the comment.
Lisa
If we clicked on all levels I would date a provider. I read some of the posts here where guys worte about jealousy, and they wouldn't want the woman out banging other 'wolves' , etc. How many of them are married or in a relationship? Isn't that what they're doing?
I have 'met' two women that I would absolutely love to date short term or long term.
A friend of mine who I always liked was going through a bad divorce. During that period we would talk and I did take her out a few times to help take her mind off things. Also during that period I did find out while browsing an agency website that she was working part time to help get through financially. While I never brought this up with her we would still talk and do things together as friends. While technically we were not dating it didn't stop me from being a friend for her, especially at a time when she needed on.
I guess it all depends on the situation and the two individuals involved.