Boston
A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with a supermodel. After about two weeks, they give in to their desires and start having sex. After about 3 weeks of this, the guy says to the model
"Would you do me a favor?"
"Sure she says."
"First, put my clothes on," he says. She does.
"Next, would you draw a beard and mustache on your face with this piece of coal I found?"
"Sure," she says hestitantly.
"Finally, can I call you Fred?" he asks.
"Okay...." she agrees.
"Great! Hey Fred, you'll never guess who I've been bangin' for the last 3 weeks!"
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A young woman is on the brooklyn bridge, about to commit suicide. A sailor sees her as she is about to jump and shouts "Wait! Don't do it! I'm leaving on a ship to Europe. I'll sneak you on board so that you can come with me and start all over!"
"Okay, I guess so" the woman says.
So he sneaks her on board and stows her away. Every night he brings her food and they have sex all night long. This goes on for 3 weeks.
One day, the captain stumbles across her in her hiding place. "What are you doing on board?" he demands.
"Well, I have an agreement with one of your crewmen. He is taking me to Europe; every night he brings me food and then we screw."
"You're certainly being screwed," said the captain, "this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
*
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A blonde goes to her doctor and says,"I think I need bigger birth control pills than the ones you prescribed me."
"Don't you mean you need stronger pills?"asked the doctor.
"No I mean bigger," the blonde replies. "They keep falling out."
*
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The undertaker at a jerusalem cemetery was talking to a foreigner who had just lost his wife. “you can have her shippped home for $50,000 or you can bury her here, in the holy lang for $1500,” said the undertaker. The widower thought about it and decided that he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “why would you spend $50,000 to ship you wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend $1,500?” the man replied, “long ago a man died and was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can’t take that chance!”
*
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Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
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