I just read a response by the moderator, for the thread "falling in love with a provider (redux)" stating that he was tired of the thread.

This disturbs me greatly, because, it is obvious, from reading the posts and its responses that the poster is a threat to providers.

Will everyone be tired when a provider ends up dead??  YES, the poster is a grave threat, and it is no joke.  WE providers are not indispensible entities to be used up and discarded whether it be at a hobbyist's or a moderators whim.

Please take my word, that the poster is very dangerous.  He has posted under 4 different aliases within 2 weeks.  The "Jane" he is writing about has been stalked, had her family and identity threatened, been extorted (he wanted a lowered donation in exchange for his silence) AND he has gone after other providers as well.

This is not a joke, nor should it be tiresome because, if a provider ends up injured due to masogensitic apathy, then who is to blame?

He posted first.  Nobody else coerced him into this.  I know this man, regardless of what he says.  He does not frighten me, however I do believe his out of control behavior will contribute to the next provider bej\ing injured when he comes in contact with her.

If anyone is tired of this post, gee I am sorry.  However, I am tired of providers being threatened, coerced and being frightened that someone may inflict bodily harm and possibly kill them.  Is this man capable of doing all of the above??  In my opinion yes, as he has written me privately professing the aforementioned.

Listen Carefully everyone:  threats are no joke.  Like it or not, this man is a severe threat.  I refuse to let that weigh on my conscience, AND I also refuse not to help another provider who may be in fear of anyone, anywhere.

If you have a problem with this, then you should not be posting on this board.

GFE does NOT equal disposable whore in my book.  
Peace and be safe,
Lilly

the last four posts in the thread consisted of you and the original poster trading threats. THAT WAS THE TIRESOME PART!

By all means, if you have new information to share or, if someone else wants to weigh in with their opinion, please do. However, I repeat, take the pissing contest outside! No matter how serious the issue, nobody is outed on TER!

thirsty

I have always respected your opinions thirsty, you know that.  We have a standing and unspoken respect.  I believe this man will take out his anger on other providers he may see.  It is a delicate subject, due to the nature of the forum -- a catch 22, if you like.

I have had many private inquiries regarding this matter, and I will answer them all, I promise.

Ladies, be safe, verify carefully and remember: Escorting in itself is NOT illegal.  Nobody can coerce, threaten or harm you based on this alone.  Also, there is NO amount of money in the world worth jeapordizing your safety over.

Stay safe, and stay away from this man!

I for one who is the party in question here (her allegations are about me) is VERY FED UP with this lady, and her ran tings.

I have no need to address her bizarre allegations. The idea must be to intimidate me. Unfortunately for her I am more irritated than intimidated. She is a pathetic loser with personality problems.

In her twisted mind she thinks that she can brow beat me by name-dropping, threats and allegations. She is a very obnoxious, tiresome and dangerous woman.

Lilly - You have "worms in your head". Allow ME to get you some help. My lawyer to sue your panties off if you EVER AGAIN make a threat about contacting my family. How dare you go near my personal information in your postings?
Would you like me to start doing the same about you (easily arranged through a PI) or about Jane?

You have this notion in your heard that you are defending other Providers. Really you are trying to draw attention to yourself, become fixated by certain situations and starting to fantasize. You over compensate through bluster (personality trait?). I would be afraid for any Provider you could be trying to defend - you irritate and you polarize - you just make situations worse. You think you are doing good but end up doing lots of damage.

However like it or not you are now guilty of extortion and obstruction of justice. In my judgment a federal prosecutor and some jail time can help your psychological state of mind a lot. You can at least get some help in the prison.

Gents - you are taking a chance if you see this lady. Aside from being psychopathic delusional she is in deep legal trouble because she did not understand the law well enough in her bluster.

I couldn't agree with you more, he gives every sign that he is dangerous and I fear for the safety of the provider in question. Because of my training, I saw clear signs of the stalker/abuser psychology in the first post that most viewed as a harmless romantic rambling about falling in love with a provider. I know people meant well, but I'm sure he took those initial positive responses as support for his distorted view of his relationship with her and it reinforced his obssession. If you haven't worked with people like him it wouldn't be so obvious, but I do wish people had read more between the lines of the original post and not encouraged him. If you notice from his later posts he was very selective about what he took from others' comments and ignored things about his behavior that would be obvious to anyone not in the grips of a powerful obsession. I may be wrong, but I think you were one of the posters who responded postively to his initial post. I don't blame you for that, but it is cause for reflection.

I know a bit about the situation that led to this thread. Generally, emotion-filled threads on this board run their course. The TER Boston community does a great job policing itself. It's just that I felt the thread was going off course into something that was no longer constructive.

Certainly, if people have more to offer to this or similar threads, I'm all for it. However, back and forth threats are counter-productive. I'm sorry. I should have been clearer that I was not tired of the thread, just the bravado that permeated the last few posts. I was afraid you intended to out him here on TER and that is not possible.

thirsty

-- Modified on 8/8/2003 7:49:15 AM

You are entitled to your opinion. It is significantly better than the nonsense from Lilly.  I have definitely spent more time than perhaps necessary on this issue because I have felt strongly about it. There are some very definite communication disconnects between all parties. The major issue of discord is “Jim is not looking to quietly move on” but trying to strike a deal. Jim’s approach is to make available to Jane a legal agreement to comprehensively addresses all concerns. Unclear if things are too far gone. In any eventuality under any no circumstances this becomes an issue of violence or stalking.

I would like this thread to die down. We can back channel if you have more questions. Or for anyone else.

Thanks.

More than anyone else, you have the ability to make this happen.

thirsty

who posted in "support" of the original message. i did think it was a hypothetical situation and written in very sweet gentle terms (gee whiz folks, there's nothing going on here)

i'm sorry, i know everyone wants this thread to die, but i have a question for the geek.

it isn't harassment until and unless the harassee makes it clear that (your) actions are unwanted. since it is abundantly clear to everyone on this board, i assume it is clear now to you as well? and so you understand that any more attempts to contact this woman are harassing acts?

you talk about a legal agreement. i don't understand, nor do i care to. does she owe you money or something? if so, you hire a lawyer and take her to court, that's how it's done, you don't try to drum up support on an anonymous message board. what other kind of legal situation could we be talking about here.... she doesn't want to see you. leave her alone.

examine your own behavior and attitude. you make a post asking, who was right and who was wrong? then, everybody who says you were wrong, you attack and threaten.  i guess you weren't really looking for answers, were you, just affirmations.

clarence37,

I am sorry if you feel misled.
I thought I made it clear it is a real-life situation. It is indeed accurately described to the best of my efforts up to the "triggering event" (where problems started). Was there an aftermath to this situation - very definitely yes, and important, but the the "triggering event" was worth examining by itself. After that still quite important but just that things simply spun out of control.

I chose not to respond to several affirmative postings (such as yours) and not to several critical postings (such as HB495). Lilly made a personal attack to intimidate. It needed a different response.

I had a different agenda than affirmations. Primarily to communicate with one individual carefully reading these postings, and I am picking up her reactions from two individuals she is communicating with. I think it has been abundantly clear for some time that the person wants to be left alone, and I respect that. At the same time I wanted to air out the issues, have her read through this thread, have her think, and make her an offer that she perhaps can consider. All without contacting her directly, but still engaging her.

The "legal agreement" is part of a complicated situation not necessary to go into here. It is a unique situation. It is quite precarious and dangerous, hanging on a thread, on two parties with knowledge and histories a few miles from each other. And it is not going to disappear any time soon. I wish her well and no fear. There are many dynamics, and perhaps her simple answer does work over the years. I would like a different and I feel a better answer. I would like a chance to set things straight. But I do understand and respect her viewpoint. She is right in many ways.

I do hope that all this help make her feel at least a tiny little better on what happened. But I might never know the answer to that

Sorry to be so mysterious

...defined stalking...I don't know you or the lady in question but I feel comfortable telling you that you should just leave the situation alone.  The best way to accomplish your goal - wishing her no fear - is to leave her alone via direct and indirect contact.

i wish you would e-mail me privately, at "clinspace at yahoo dot com". i am not a VIP here at the moment.

i have more questions, and maybe experience to share.

Truthfully. I have learnt something here. It made me look up "Stalking", and to understand for the first time.