..and you and I and several other TER regs have complained about it from time to time. And we get back mostly crickets chirping...
Here's how I've tried to make the best of a not-great situation.
Upon initial contact (filling out the screening form, initial email, whatever): Tell 'em about your prior experience--what you liked, didn't like, etc. Part of the benefit here is that the provider not only knows about those issues, but gets an overall indication of level of experience, how much you can/are willing to take, etc.
Try looking through one of those really lengthy checklists on ALT or FetLife ("makemesuffer is into giving/getting/is curious about name_of_perversion_here"). They are pretty comprehensive. I certainly wouldn't suggest giving a provider a complete checklist, but you could look through the whole thing and try to hit the highlights of your particular fetishes--and again, pass that information along.
And it isn't just NY that seemingly doesn't have enough Domme/GFE providers. Things are tough all over, IME. Occasionally, you get lucky and find someone who "gets it"--but it is rare.
Like you I don't like to feel like I know exactly what's coming in a session. As time has gone on and I've found more and more things I enjoy (as well as a few things I don't) I've developed my own pretty long list of actitivities that I provide to a Domme by email before a session. I'll usually give her a couple of things that I'm really wanting to have incorporated into a particular session, a few things that I haven't tried before but am open to if she wants to expand a sub's horizons (although that list is getting fairly short for me), and a few things that I know are just off-limits for me. The Dommes I like to visit do a pretty nice job of keeping things fresh as long as they have a fair amount of territory they know they can work with.
I've tried combining GFE and BDSM before and have never been entirely satisfied with it. Generally I find that a highly erotic BDSM session that doesn't involve kissing or FS is more my thing. I'm learning about the German kink scene, and there they have the category of "bizarrladies" who combine BDSM play and more erotic sessions. I'm trying to get something scheduled while there with a Domme or 2 who are also open to oral in both directions. That seems like a perfect setup for me, and I would love to find more of that here in Chicago
I get told all the time "I am open to whatever you want to do" or "I want to do whatever pleases you to do to me" and frankly that is a complete load of hogwash. If I could do whatever I wanted to do to every person who comes along I would definitely be a happy Domme but it just isn't going to happen, so we need some sort of starting point from you.
I expect some kind of "I like these activities, am interested in these activities and these activities are completely off the table". Just because you tell me what you like or are interested in doesn't mean I am going to do all of them and it also doesn't mean how I do them will be exactly like everyone else does them. So much of the energy of a scene depends on you and how responsive you are...the more you show me you can take, the more likely we are to expand those limits of yours 
Also, the number of pro Dommes that you have seen really doesn't mean anything to me...you could have seen hundreds, all over the world, and still be a light or medium player, so I am not going to assume anything unless you tell me and show me otherwise. Hopefully you already know your hard and soft limits and state them right up front. I have limits myself and if I find your interests and my limits butt against each other, then we won't be getting together, if I am not having fun then what is the point?
As far as GFE (and maybe I should start a new thread for this) what do you expect or want in a GFE/Kink session? Maybe requesting a "you are my girfriend and you have decided to be in control" roleplay? You might not be into roleplay, but sometimes requesting that type of scene can let the Domme know the kinds of things you are looking for, more intimate activities or more intimate language that sets a certain tone, that kind of thing. For example, when I am asked for "Mommy/son" roleplay, I know what kinds of phrases to use to set the tone, and what kinds of actions (like stroking your hair while I tell you what a good boy you are) to use that make the situation more realistic.
We Dommes are not mind readers, and I want to know what you like. If I can then combine what I like with what you like, we are golden, but if you are into things I don't care for, it isn't going to happen, so be very open with your interests when first contacting a Domme, maybe that will get you what you want.
K
In late 2004 to early 2005 I saw a domme in NY named Selena 3 times, each time the session got better and more intense. She isin her mid to late 30's with strawberry blonde hair, gorgeous feet, about 5' 4" tall and about 130lbs.
