This discussion board seems like it is dying a little so I thought I would post a topic for discussion to see if anyone was still reading it. I have always wondered why there are so many more men who want to be dominated than women who want to dominate them. I have a theory that the vast majority of men looking to be dominated are really just looking to get "laid" in the particular way they have fantasied about for years in intricate detail. The fantasy is then projected on the women and it sort of prevents the man from actually getting to know her on any level and it becomes a turn off. This is sort of the opposite of the traditional trashy love novel hero who understands her so well he awakens feeling, thoughts and desires buried so deep that she might not even be aware of them at first. Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to be the object of obsession from someone I had no attraction too. Like if some some guy I didn't know wanted to come over to be insulted, beaten, lick my feet and cleaned my house naked or something I would be a little creeped out. So any suggestions on how to see beyond your fantasies to have a mutual interaction with a mistress and not to be that creepy guy? And if you are mistress with a full time slave what separates them above all the others?

it allows me to see her passion out in the open and that makes me feel worshiped.

Do gals regard that as creepy?

I didn't think so.

You must have chemistry beyond the simple interests of fantasy & fetish fun.  You & your Goddess must be compatible on all levels not just adult BDSM playtime.  I have had a slave for over a year, but he is much more than my property first & foremost he is my friend.

Guys are just horny.  Kink, sexual orientation, whatever can all be set aside. Give a dude an internet connection and he will, on average, find something that gets him off.  

Relationships, which I think you are talking about, are different.  Gotta figure that out on a case-by-case basis.

Here are some of the reasons why I suspect there are fewer Dominant women and more men who want to be dominated:

+ women aren't socialized to ask for what they want in the bedroom - from a young age, most women are taught to be "pleasers"

+ women who are dominant are often harassed, shamed, and otherwise made to feel that their kink is wrong or told that they're "not really dominant" (especially in online forums - you wouldn't believe the hate mail I and fellow friends have received when posting a personal wanted ad looking for a submissive man)

+ some men who want to be dominated want to have their particular fantasy come true, rather than actually serving the woman's desires - you'll see them posting with ads like "I want a dominant woman to sit on my face" rather than "I offer my mouth for Your pleasure"

+ some men who want to be dominated only want to be dominated by a woman who looks like a 25 year old Kink.com model, while passing by dominant women their own age, attractiveness, etc

Wow Courtney, I hope you make a visit to NYC some time

I would have never guessed that a women would receive hate mail from a looking for submissive ads but it does make sense now that I think about it. Thanks all for your participation this is great lets keep these types of discussions going.

Speaking as someone who has played in the lifestyle for over 10 years as well as being a professional, I've experienced a lot of what you're talking about.  Being a dominant woman does not mean that i want to dominate every Tom,Dick, and Harry that crosses my path.  Some men have submissive urges that I have no interested in.  Others, like my current play partner (who isn't a full-time slave, but who I play with very frequently), has very similar interests as me; dominating him gets me wet and charges me with intense energy. He and I have also known each other for almost three years.  We are friends, lovers (to an extent), and trust each other indefinitely.  That trust is what sets him apart, I think.  

Some professionally dominant women are into all aspects of domination, and it doesn't matter who it is or what they want.  This is really rarely the case, and most dominant women will question you thoroughly before agreeing to a session.  Real life BDSM relationships work in this manner too.  Lots of discussion, communication, and talk of hard limits, boundaries, and must-haves is really important.  

Along the lines of professionalism, I don't offer slave-hood outright to just any client.  If i had a client and the chemistry was simply amazing, it's something I'd offer, not something he would ask for.  He should know better.

Now, as for convincing a lady who isn't dominant by nature to dominate you? That's tough.  Some women do have dominant fantasies and leanings, but social constructs constantly tell women that they aren't supposed to be dominant.  Lots of communication can help, but you really have to have patience and a willingness to be open-minded and expectation-free.

Hopefully that made sense.

The gifted and beautiful dominatrix Midori said it perfectly: seeking a partner in BDSM is no different than seeking a vanilla partner in a regular dating scene: you must be respectful of the other party, try to offer as much as you seek, etc. I think that some men become engorged with the effect of BDSM and forget that simple fact.

Excellently stated, I think too many men try to hang onto control like that, and it totally gets in the way of their real goal, which is to experience handing over control to someone else

They want to be "done to".  I'm that way. I would hobby with a practitioner capable of doing specific things to me as part of the role she is playing. I would hope the sesison was planned in enough detail so the practitioner can stay in character throughout, not putting me in the position of that woman in "Lost In Translation" who kept attacking Bill Murray's character, shouting, "RIP MY STOCKINGS!!!!". (Topping from the bottom?)  

It could take some preparatory time with the practitioner discussing the component fetishes until she 'groks' them