Hey Ladies,

need your perspective. I am seeing a woman we get along great, although we have a long distance relationship and only get to see each other around once a month for about a week at a time.. In my opinion we are really "fuck" buddies & good friends..
Here's my issue we constantly sext and she continually refers to her wanting me to make her feel "owned" and me showing her who "owns" her during sex..Now I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed but I am thinking she wants to be dominated. My questions for the ladies (and the dudes can weigh in to): Am I reading this wrong? and if not how far should I take it, should i try testing her limits..? i really care about her so I don't want to hurt her at all, although she really loves her nipples pinched hard...next question: Isn't it kinda disrespectful , or if its all in a sexual way is all fair??? I see her again next week so any advice wud be appreciated...thx ..p

she definitely wants you to take control.  

But before you think it is a green light to go hog wild, I would ask her to tell you her limits, her oks and nos...  

you can start with what you know she likes and ask her to tel when it is too hard...  

but if you want to pursue this, the open dialogue is KEY!!!

By colors I mean, green: do it more, do it harder, etc., yellow: caution, approaching red, and Red: Stop, I dont like it.

Maybe ask her to send you an email describing a scene she would like to live out.

How do you feel about dominating her?  Are you comfortable with this?  Some guys are hardwired to not feel comfortable with this kind of play.

Remember some of us, like the pain.  For me it is not really about the pain, it is about the happy place my mind goes to when it receives pain. And, no if she ask for this , then it is not disrespectful.  Try getting the book, Screw the Roses give me the thornes.  It has some great ideas.  Talk , talk and more talk with your friend.  This kind of play only works if both parties are comfortable and respectful of each other.

Have fun!
Madison

If you're close enough to be "fuck buddies" then you're close enough to communicate your wants and fantasies with her and vice versa. Emphasis on the vice...  

Seriously though, if you don't want to ask her directly, "Do you want me to dominate you?" then beat around the bush (am I for real with that one?) and ask her what her fantasies are.  If all else fails, just say, "Hey you want me to own you and I'm down for that but let's make sure I know what you mean by it and what your limits are."  If she really doesn't know, then the fun begins, go to a clips for sale website together and start clicking on a bunch of short videos from the myriad of fetish categories they have and have her tell you which ones she likes the most.  Hell, you may even both discover some kinky stuff you didn't know you both liked until then.  

So this time next month when you're dressing up in a bunny outfit and spanking her liquid-latex covered ass with a feather duster before she sucks cheeze wiz off your best friends ballsack you can thank me for opening you both up to that exciting new world.

Perhaps you can start light, with more verbal cues, things like "Who do you belong to?" (ok, that's a little lame, but it's early, LOL !!). That may be just the kind of thing she is looking for, that "who's your daddy" kind of dirty talk.

Of course, asking us here doesn't really help you out, since only she knows what she means.

K

Wow! What a Buzz you must be feeling right now just contemplating your future encounters.

Not a lady's perspective, but a male's, primarily dom -  but a sensual dom, not into pain at all just for pain's sake (but some pain does enhance the pleasure - as she suggests by telling you she likes having her nipples pinched).  There are great suggestions in this thread (such as, Communicate, Green, Yellow, Red) -  I'm sure you'll get a lot of good ideas.  I just wanted to add a couple of impressions from a similar experience.

First, you already have a great existing relationship, and built up a high level of mutual trust (essential).  The lady wants to 'Feel' possessed (as in to be 'taken') but she also needs to know she is 'safe.' While it is difficult to talk about 'specifics' even if you are close, the best way may be as someone else mentioned, ask what she fantasizes about (remember, this is all just a Fantasy).  Perhaps she just likes to be "ordered' about, and obey - you might start just by ordering her to get on all fours, ass in the air, then spread her knees apart so you have full access to all her erogenous zones - then sensually caress, pinch, and spank her (also great position for pinching nipples) maybe using some 'toys' that you might have at hand, feathers, vibe, wartenberg, or maybe some more exotic items appealing to the imagination.  I'm sure you can take it from there!  (In my case, Milady 'Loved' it! and could not get enough).  You might also try what I did, I scheduled a session with a Dominatrix, explaining my GF was interested in exploring her Fantasies, but, being inexperienced, I needed some instruction and ideas. (You might tell your gf what you did, and that the Dom would like to get her hands on her, but you wouldn't allow it.  It just might appeal to her imagination (& you'll be seen as her 'protector').

One thing I'd suggest - Don't keep asking 'does this hurt?', or 'is this ok, or too much?' or anything like that - Nothing will kill the buzz or destroy the illusion for her any faster.  Rather, rely on the code green, yellow, red for her to let you know when she is becoming uncomfortable (remember, I'm more into sensuality than pain).  One more thing, if the lady is so inclined, you might consider switching roles. In my situation, the lady had zero interest in being dominant - too bad!

Enjoy your explorations!  (I'd be interested in knowing how it turns out).
Wish I were in your shoes!  

-- Modified on 4/18/2013 1:12:19 PM

-- Modified on 4/18/2013 3:03:34 PM

Tease & please her naughty desires.  Start of slow by tying her up during sex.  Make her beg for you, so she wants you more.  Reward her well by CIM!

Tell her everytime you 2 meet you will be introducing new BDSM fun!

Ownership, or any other manifestation of the power exchange relationship doesn't necessarily include pain. Think of it now, you may own a rather nice coffee table, but you don't go around kicking it, do you? If you're the kind of man who abuses every object he owns, then I doubt a woman would want to submit to you She's probably only interested in such a thing because she trusts that you'll treat her well while she's in your care.

I'd say Mistress Kiley's advice is good, though while you two are safely out of arm's reach of one another it might be a good time to have a conversation about her experience in the lifestyle, and what she's expecting out of ownership.