Back in August I started a thread admitting I had fallen for a provider, and felt it was mutual.  Many chimed in, and a lot wanted me to tell how it went.  Here goes:

I know she liked me because after a session I was showing her photos on Facebook on my droid, she showed me photos on hers, before you knew it we had friended each other.  SHE WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT FOR JUST ANYONE.  She liked several of my photos, and I commented on many of hers.  Anyway, I started the thread here to ask advice.  I didn't want her to think I was trying to get a freebie.  The input was overwhelmingly pessimistic.  The main thing I thought against us was the distance (I live 150 miles away.  I decided not to pursue it and became involved briefly with a local civvie.  When that didn't work I saw (and reviewed) a few providers.  Then one night it hit me that if I didn't at least tell her how I felt I might regret it later.  So at five in the morning I get up to compose a message on Facebook, only to find she de friended me.  I wrote a lengthy love letter anyway and saved it.  I called her to set up an appointment for the weekend, but told her she needed to read my message first.  She said the deletion was accidental, refriend her and sent the message.  I did and it really caught her off guard.  We sent at least 2 dozen texts that day and agreed to talk about it in person the next day.

I found out that she had defriended me when I updated my status to in a relationship.  She admitted she was jealous, and was also jealous of the reviews I had written.  She pointed out that I obviously enjoyed the time with those girls, what was different with her?  I told her I didn't feel the connection I felt with her.

We had an explosive session, but when I asked about dating she told me she couldn't that it would never work.  She offered two reasons:

1.  I would be jealous (everyone said this).  This lady is not like your average provider - she is doing this for what I will call the noble purpose (I'm trying hard to protect her anonymity - she is highly reviewed, please don't ask ANYTHING about her).  She lives modestly and when the noble purpose is completed she will quit.  I can live with that.  I guess what would bother me is that she REALLY does enjoy it much of the time.  She is the only woman I have ever met that enjoys sex more than me.  She is rated mostly 9/10, so most clients have really enjoyed her as well.  Maybe you all had a point.  But here is the kicker...

2.  She could never trust me.  Many hobbiest told me, basically, you can take the girl out of the whorehouse.......The same can be said of us, once a hobbiest, always a hobbiest.  She asked what would happen years down the road when her looks fade (I rated her a 9) and I know I can get a 10 for a price?  Could I be faithful?  I didn't have an answer.  I know how I feel now, but have lived enough to know no one knows what the future holds.

She thinks I have confused great sex for love.  Maybe she's right, but I thought it was worth exploring to see if there was something more there.  I didn't realize we hobbiest are damaged goods, not the providers.  I'll be honest, my civvie GF thought I was a perv when I broke out the astroglide.  What would she have done if I had told her I wanted a finger up my ass while I came in her mouth, then let it drip out on your tits and rub it in with my cock?  That would end it , I think.  What woman will ever want me if she could read my reviews?  Can I keep this part of my life hidden from the one I love?  I used to think I was into the hobbie just until Ms. Right came along.  Now I realize that even if I do find her, I probably don't deserve her and wouldn't know how to treat her if I had her.  So every week I will pay a woman to make me feel wanted and loved.

Hell, most put up a better act than my ex.

but it's ok to love grreat sex.   Either side can get into the posessive trap. Let's faceit ..to be in this hobby we both have to understand that neither side is monotanus  or whatever...

-- Modified on 10/31/2011 4:58:50 PM

She can be a provider for a noble cause, and can leave the life behind on achieving her goal, yet you as a hobbiest are damaged goods and never to be trusted.

HBB was pretty blunt and direct, but not necessarily wrong.  Let me rephrase though.  You do not hobby to find love.  You may make friends, actually very good professional friends. But the hobby is sport fucking, it is recreation.  If you are using it as surrogate for love, stop, protect yourself from a great deal of pain.

It happens that when dicks and clits rub for great,I mean mind numbing sex, the post climax release can temporarily release the feeling of love for your partner, but it only last until the wet wipe comes out.  When economics and alarm clocks sound and reality rears with the request for another envelope your big head will regain control.

There are great women in Atlanta, who enjoy creating the temporary fantasy of euphoric love.  Not sure HBB is one, but many classy ladies in this town will offer this for you, but NOT if you turn into a love sick teenage boy stalking his second blow job.

Love is out there. You can find it, she will likely surprise you in the most unlikely of circumstances and be exactly opposite of what you think you want.  At that time, you will decide if the hobby fits into your life.  I would guess the answer is no.  It takes a very special relationship for provider or hobbiest to accept the emotions link to this lifestyle and I am pretty sure you are not able to compartmentalize your life this way.

Can you find love with a provider, maybe.  But I would just be happy with a regular provider that consistently rocks your eyeballs, and enjoys your company during the PAID fantasy session. Professional friends are fine. If after years, something more happens, well then you will know you both have the potential for commitment.

I don't agree with the damaged goods concept. I do know something about what you are saying. Not exactly the same but close. A lady friend that knew I went to strip clubs and hung out with strippers told me that she couldn't have a relationship with me because she would always be worried that I might go back to a club. There was never a chance of our having a relationship anyway for reasons that don't matter here. Her point was she knew about my habit and she knew it would keep her from being able to have a relationship with me or any man that had the same habits.
Her advice was that any women would feel that way (the provider you met seems to bear that out) so the best thing to do was never mention that part of my life to a potential SO. It could go the other way though would you (or I for that matter) be able to feel confident that she wouldn't go back to that life (assuming she quit) or would you be able to deal with her continuing to provide.

The fact that a women is/was a provider and the fact that a man is/was a client doesn't automatically mean that they are damaged goods and won't ever find love. Love is about the two people. It ain't easy even if there aren't issues to deal with like what a guy or lady may think about adult entertainment. But is isn't impossible just because of some life choices.

Don't give up on it and don't consider yourself damaged goods.  Yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic, so sue me. I haven't given up. I haven't sworn it off. I'm willing if it comes along and I'll go from there in regard to the hobby. I started the hobby to deal with being single after two divorces. Can I quit if love comes along? Well that's another post for another day.

...I totally agree with Bobo on this. The Op makes his case and yet even with all that, she still finds an excuse not to see him. What a surprise.

Jealous of his reviews? How bout jealous she didn't get the cash! Dude got played, I know cause I've been there. Hope he learns quick or he's gonna get crushed.

Sir Cumalot

but it was probably nicer than I would have put it. lamo

If and I stress the word "if", there is actually any truth to this long, drawn out, and boring story, the only thing I agree with is that she is much more sentient that is he. He is not only a moronic sap, but a (probably deserved) self loathing one at that.

and I have walked many, many a mile in those very same shoes, I just didn't seem to get as many blisters. lol

Now why don't you chide the OP for not having any balls and hiding behind an alias himself?

and I say all this "in the nicest way possible" lmao

A relationship is about more than sex and in all fairness seeing how you get along with your clothes on goes a long way towards getting past some of those barriers.

I also disagree about once a hobbyist always a hobbyist where it comes to single or divorced guys. I will agree it's probably true where it comes to married guys cheating on their wives. I think the saying should be adjusted to "once a cheater, always a cheater". I am very happily divorced and am not "cheating" on anybody, and when married I never, not even once cheated on my wife. I also don't hobby when in a committed relationship, which is why I am so rarely in committed relationships. lol

because the only thing I could come up with better than "fucking idiot" was "fucking moron" lol

Sorry, but alias or no, The OP was begging to be torn a new one.

Let me ask you, is my opinion any more valid because I am using my "real" fake name? It's basically the same opinion as the one made by the alias poster.

Great post xyz and some really good advice !!!  Been there done that and have a closet full of T-shirts to prove it

I was just too lazy to think up a good alias for the occasion.

Classy post though. bro (or bro'ette)

She is executing what is called a 'players classic mind game'.  I've seen the many of the exact same cues with stripper-providers personally (facebook friending, happy bday text, thinking about you texting, small talk, even little statements like 'we should hang out' outside of all of this).  It's the game....99% of the time.  It's like going to a high end restaurant versus a chain -- there is a clear service difference most of the time.

What I'm saying is that the line between sex coupled with an extremely friendly and personable provider and 'up your alley' looks can easily cloud the mind.

Keep your wits about you and be happy that you have an accommodating provider but its best to keep them as great trusted friends if you found one like that

Good advice on both sides.  Good luck in your decisions.  Maybe plan an actual traditional escort date with her where sex is not an option and see how the night goes.  I don't know...you'll probably still be horny as hell...so I don't know what the right answer is.  

Maybe Bob can help...

You are a fucking idiot and are getting played.  Like someone said, she is exhibiting classic stripper moves on you.  She may not be as noble as you think.  

My advice to you, which you won't take is have some fucking self respect.  Calling your self damaged goods and saying you don't deserve girls?  If you don't like and respect yourself,  why should any girl?

I'm sure she would settle down with the right guy from the hobby, bit again why do you want to date a provider?  This is sport fucking.

speaking from experience client and provider relationships can work if both people feel the same way about one another and are willing to be honest with each other. you both have to learn to separate your personal life from business. I am glad I saw your post because it really helped me to put things in to perspective for my own situation. I am a provider and I am deeply in love with a former client. We have recently depleted our tolerance of one another. I personally never thought that my profession would halt anything I had planned for us but it did. It didn't work for several reasons on my part as well as his. To me, we had a great connection sexually and emotionally, but he could not deal with my profession even though we met the same way. he would constantly compare himself to other guys. he wondered if he were satisfying me or if there was anyone that I just couldn't wait to see. I on the other hand am a jealous bitch and couldn't stand to see him any where near a civvie woman. why? because she was not just a piece of ass & was not there just for the $$$ and I wanted his heart all to myself. as a provider I see several married men and I always felt once a hobbiest always a hobbiest. That didn't bother me. I was willing to accept the hobby end of the deal on his part as long as I was included. i love women also.  when he said hey i have a lady I would like to see, I would smile & ask if he wanted a reference tell him to have a great time and tell me about all of the nasty details later. This was only to get my adrenaline pumping so I could fuck him lifeless afterwards and make him tell me I was the best. I couldn't get the same treatment. not that i wanted to discuss the details of my sessions but i wanted him to trust me without a shadow of a doubt and for him to be confident in us. needless to say jealousy reared its ugly head and ruined what could have been a great thing.

There is a line that should not be crossed.  If she says no for any reason you need to respect that

And why don't you have some balls and not hide behind an alias while you're calling him a "fucking idiot?" Show some respect for other people because I'm quite sure you've never walked a mile in his shoes you schmuck!

What I wrote was the best advice I could give him.  Sometimes you have to take off the kid gloves and bring out the hammer.  Go reread my post.  That is good advice.

As to alias posts lacking balls.  That is laughable.  I love using alias posts,  gets guys like you in a lather.  What lacks balls is letting some girl stripper school you, than coming here puppy dog moping and denigrating himself to rationalize said stripper tactics as being right.

You will never get it.  Dont you have to go "loan" some provider some money now?  I kid.  Go back and read my original post again my friend.

Gambler, I have no problem with the orginal poster using an alias. For obvious reasons he doesn't want everyone to know who he is and I also believe that there are more articulate ways to get a point across rather than calling someone a "fucking idiot."
I do however have a problem with people who are constantly on the web hiding behind alias' and ripping people a new one. They are the new "genuine cowards" that the internet has spawned.

I'm not your friend and you are still a schmuck. Take off your mask and we'll see how big your balls are.
People complain constantly about "venom" on the Atlanta board and you're doing nothing but contributing to that perception.

I follow the exact same code of "ethics" as you. When I'm dating someone, hobbying is off limits.

You are hung up on the fucking idiot part.  Don't be so damn sensitive.  The OP is acting like a fucking idiot about this.  Doesn't mean he's really a idiot.  Hell I can be a fucking idiot myself.

Now why don't you respond to the rest of what I wrote?  What I wrote is good advice.

OK, so now you have perked my curiosity.  Please explain what the fiction name of the poster has to do with the message.  Let's just for sake of discussion pretent that an alias was not used.  What the fuck difference does that make?

Perhaps it just might be that you have nothing intellegent to offer on the topic and so you must instead focus your attention on shooting the messenger?

Please do enlighten us...

Real alias postings from real reviewing hobbiest obviously have balls because they are ASS-U-ME to be men who actually see women for pay4play services unless the real alias poster is found to be a pimp, woman, shill writer or other unsavory character, who actually pays to have a fake real alias VIP name, which in that case they are ball less a-holes because, well they are.

Meanwhile real alias posters or fake real posters or real provider handles who use alias alias postings to make incidental or comical names are considered free of ball bearing status issues  because we all like humorous quips and responses.  Yet when real alias posters, fake real posters, or real provider handles use alias alias handles to post mean, derogatory, or vicious replies are clearly ball-less because they are either eunuchs or women just being bitchy.

But when real alias posters, fake real posters, or real provider handles post vicious, derogatory, or nasty phrases, well then they clearly have balls, which is unfortunate for the real provider handles unless they are marketing as TS providers, because using said real identity means the poster can be identified and somehow punished for their actions,presumably by kicking them in their clearly recognized virtual balls.

I hope this clarifies the situation for you as it was posted using my real alias handle and therefore truly ball endowed opinion.

Whats so crazy about a provider/stripper using fb to hustle guys?  I tend to err on some stories being made up with when it makes the guy look like some sort of ultra stud.  But crazy things/getting hooked up can and does happen.  It's just that usually those with the loudest bark usually don't have shit/are overcompensating.

Stories that seem to indicate a guy with low self esteem tend to be true.

I applaud the op for at least telling the lady how he felt, we can all say don't confuse this and that bla bla but what he felt was real to him and that is all that matters. Having said that prepare yourself and go into that with eyes wide open. Speaking from my own experience I am single and totally fell for a provider here. We connected on a deep level more than any woman I have ever connected with and the sex was amazing. She recently retired and I regret not at least telling her how I felt, because I think she felt the same way........ I will never know, but I do have the memories of her at least. It is better to feel love, joy, hurt and pain than nothing at all. Good luck

To your last point, you really do deserve her

Are you goofing on us? Lol

Would you PM me.  ???s

WAKE THE FUCK UP!

You will always feel empty if you expect to feel loved.  Have sex.  Great sex.  With a finger in your ass yadda yadda yadda.  That's not love, dude,  it's sex.  Fucking.

Guess what? You are a perve.  If your civvie GF can't handle it, dump her.  Your particular type of perve is just someone who follows his curiousity and sexual urges.  That's probably healthy.  Find a like-minded chick.

Don't look for love in the hobby and try to keep your hobby life a secret or you encounter trouble that you are clearly not emotionally ready to handle.

She is right - you have confused great sex for love.  You may have an emotional void that you are trying to fill with hobby activity.  Hopefully with experience and time you will understand.  

Be well and good luck but please man up for your own sake.

I think most of the you are a bunch of callus bastards. sorry if I still have emotions and field providers have them as well.  It's clear to me now that most "hobbiests" are misogynistic pricks who grudge fuck the shit out of providers to vicariously "get back" at the women who won't have anything to do with them. @roanoke, I've personally seen some of the same providers as you and know for a fact you are full of shit.  I did not start the hobby looking for love, we both agreed we might have had a chance if we met some other way. Hope you all feel better for thoroughly trashing someone-true reflection on your character.