Ladies and Gentleman,

I bring you an important public service announcement to save your very souls.  Besides - I haven't had a longwinded, pointless post in at least a week.  So listen up...

The time of the appearance of The Great Pumpkin quickly approaches.  The time is nigh.  And I am reminding you to get your affairs in order so that you may appease him and reap his great generosity.  Or at least avoid unpleasantries.

So you know what that means...

Uh, no?...  What?  You don't know about The Great Pumpkin?

Well for all you godless heathens out there let me lay out the tenets of The Great Pumpkin (henceforth to be referred to as "TGP").

TGP requires of his acolytes a sacrifice (like all the cool, old school deities do, you know?).  But his sacrifice is thankfully an easy one.  He requires a public admission of all that they are thankful for before the annual day of reckoning (commonly referred to by the unwashed masses as "Halloween").  Else...  Woe unto you.  Serious woe.  I mean like real woe you don't even want to mess around with.

See how easy that is?  And TGP doesn't even require his believers to be "nice" like that weird old elf.  In fact TGP likes a fair amount of naughtiness in his followers.

He's cool like that.

So - believers and non-believers alike it's that time again.  Now is your chance.  Don't come crying to old e when some serious woe befalls you sometime this year when I clearly gave you the chance to publicly give thanks.  That would be a damn shame wouldn't it?

So let me break the ice and be the first to start...

*Ahem*

O merciful, benevolent, and delightfully kinky TGP - I, "e" of the fair city of Atlanta in the stately state of Georgia in the great country of America (which is already and still great thank you very fucking much Mr. Trump) do hereby officially and publicly give thanks for the following things:

Pussy.

Well, I guess I should elaborate a bit (as if further explanation is required).  Pussy in both the literal and figurative sense.

That there exists a philosophical concept of pussy and that there exists women in the world (TGP bless their naughty little hearts) that would share said pussy with me - your devout and loyal follower.

And I am especially thankful to the fine ladies of Atlanta who I have spent time with (and others I hope to meet soon).  You have given me something to look forward to, plan around, get excited about, and make life worth living for.  These little excursions away from reality keep me sane.

Well, as sane as I can be.  

Ladies - you eliminate my stress, put a smile on my face, and a spring in my step.  Thank you to all the ladies doing the lord's work (well TGP's work anyway) - know that your sexiness, kinkiness, inventiveness, and compassion are appreciated.

From the bottom of my heart to the tip of my cock - thank you.

O' wise and powerful TGP I do hope to avoid your awful plague of woe by being truly and duly thankful for all of these things.

Amen.

Now, ladies and gents - let TGP know what you are thankful for.  Here.  Now.  In this very thread...

PS:  So speak up.  Seriously.  Else, you know... the whole plague of woe thing already aforementioned.  Several times.  Like... if Trump and/or Hillary get elected - that's a right fucking special plague of woe right there.

PPS:  Don't say I didn't warn you

END OF MESSAGE

Don't you know the old saying?

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

But seriously, ignore my nonsensical ravings and maniacal doomsaying at your own peril my friend.  The Great Pumpkin has his eye on you.  All twelve of them.

Sure, it's all fun and games until someone gets a plague of woe dropped right on their noggin.

*shiver*

I was formerly an acolyte of TGP, but have since found my home with The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Have you been touched by his noodly appendage?

END OF MESSAGE

Once again, E's starting to believe those Charlie Brown specials are his actual childhood memories. This happens whenever E either loses his Happy Pills, or simply thinks they're a bad idea.

Today it's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

Later this week, he'll almost certainly claim that Ginger Taylor was the 'Little Red-Haired Girl' from a Valentine's Day sometime ago, when he's already claimed the LRHG was actually "hotbunny Heather", and could be (insert hot redhead gals' name here) next February.

Of course, we all know his dog was the Easter Beagle, a death defying canine who once fought the Red Baron a century ago in the skies over France.

And how can we ever forget that time E lost the student body election because someone else invoked the Great Pumpkin during a campaign speech?  oh, the horror!

E, call that gal you saw Friday. Be sure you didn't leave anything at her place. And if not, don't confuse the blue pills with the other blue pills. Ok?

 

This PSA of Sunday Wisdom brought to you by ga_kosh, with support from the letter F and the number 5.

It's clear that nobody is taking me seriously.

How odd.

Meds?  I don't need any meds.  I get my psychiatric help from the same girl that holds the football so I can kick it.  Or she's supposed to anyway...  Hey isn't that part of that hippocratic oath that she must've taken to be a psychiatrist?  In the fine print it must say "thou shalt not pull a football away at the last second risking your patient's life and limb..."  Right?

I'm just a guy trying to prevent the Trumpocalypse.  Or Anni-Hill-alation.  

Don't come crying to me when we're swearing in (and I do mean swearing) one or both of those despots in January.

Plague of woe, I'm telling you.

When you want to avoid playing with  the Right nut and the Left nut, just stick with the (Gary) Johnson.  

Women like Johnson because he's straight (talking), he's firm (in his beliefs), and he's generous (with allowing individual liberties).

Men like Johnson because he's Fiscally Conservative and pro-Hobby.

 
Other than that, this could get kicked to the Politics Board.

Back on Point:
E, if you're getting your psych advice from a lemonade stand - shame on you. Thanks to Geico, you know there's no IceT at a lemonade stand. "Read the Sign. It's Lemonade!"

ga_kosh

Sorry, I have to draw the line somewhere.
I'm not putting a bumper sticker on my car that says "I like Johnson!"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.