She is just a girl, a lady like everyone else...why can't I love her? Dude, I loved her, I love her, I will love her, no matter what you did with her....

 

 

 

 

 


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Stupid if you ever expect anything to come of what is essentially a business relationship.  If not, then it's harmless.

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Is nothing wrong with that ...and when someone have problems with it to bad for them
We are all human no

It depends upon the situation. There isn't a problem with loving a provider. Shoot there are providers that I seen and met that I had a great connection with. That makes the best session; however, if the provider you seen has a family or isn't interested in a relationship, and you are trying to pursue or pushing for one, then that is where it becomes a problem. You should always be respectful of their bounderies. Because you are becoming invasive of their personal space. However, if she desired a continuous mutual relationship with you,  then you pursue it but be wise.

Big Joe did a great job of covering the basics - heed his excellent advice.

I'll add my color commentary.

Is it wrong for you to fall in love with a provider?

No.  

But...

One thing to remember (especially if this is early in your hobby experience) is that we almost always see providers at their absolute best.  And most of them are role playing your perfect girlfriend (or pornstar lol).  So who exactly are you falling in love with?  The "real" person or her provider persona?  You may not even know the real woman.

Much like falling in love with a movie star - you are likely developing feelings for a character, an image that is being portrayed.  For our own benefit I would add.  We want to create the aspect of the perfect romantic encounter by seeing a provider.  Everything is amazing - it is that exact rendezvous we have been searching for our entire lives.  Life is so good.  But wait, we can't/shouldn't fall in love with her because it was all (probably) an act...  Oh fate - why are you so cruel?  Irony thy name is "provider".  You appear perfect in every way then have the audacity to discourage us gents from falling in love with you.  

The odds of falling in love with a provider having a positive (or at least non-negative) outcome are very low.  In my life, it has happened three times.  It has been wonderful, exhausting, and terrifying all at the same time.  And all of those times began with a long regular provider/client relationship that grew to friendship, that grew to more.  We had great mutual respect for each other.  And there were many talks of boundaries and expectations along the way.  Like any other relationship with a significant other - communication is key.

Providers have the role of being that perfect fantasy for us.  Always ready to hop in bed, always sexy, always funny, always in a good mood, always at her best.  The real world is much more complicated.  With "real" love comes many other facets.  Some of which may be better left unseen.

Even if she feels the same way about you, I can pretty much guarantee there will be a lot of picking up her kid from school, getting her oil changed, meeting her folks, taking her dog to the vet, or just holding her after she's had a really bad day.  Are you ready for all of that?  Because your fantasy will change from an ideal to an actual human woman.  One that you are in love with, hopefully, but just another woman.

I'm not saying any of this is wrong, but if you are going to love - do it for the right reasons.  Get to know the real person and expect to be there through thick and thin.  I really wish they taught this stuff back in school.  Of all the crap classes I had, I desperately needed a "How to have a relationship - 101" class.  Where you would learn:

Relationships are a lot of work
You (both) will have bad days
Conflict resolution
How to talk about money or sex without having a knock down, drag out fight
How to say her Mother is an idiot without looking like a huge asshole
Did we say relationships are hard?
How to politely ask her to stop spending so much money at the mall

You know - stuff like that.  

Anyway, good luck to you.  Love is wonderful and powerful.  And the fact that the likelihood of any relationship ever working out long term is almost zero shouldn't stop folks from attempting to have one.

My parting words of wisdom(?) to you are...

The romantic in me says:
Love (as they say) really does make the world go round.

But the pragmatist in me says:
Dude, be careful.  Right now you are standing in a minefield.


-- Modified on 7/25/2015 8:58:48 AM

Build something ...together

-- Modified on 7/25/2015 9:37:55 AM

Nothing wrong with loving people.  I actually really do love many of my friends I have met and become to know.  Yes I mean my friends here and the beautiful ladies that provide.  Like it was said, they are human and so am I.  

  Only problem I have found, and I guess it is a good problem, is that I have some friends I have met thru the "hobby' and now we are too good of a friend to see each other for business pleasure.  

   Yes I regret having wonderful sex with them, but the friendship and LOVE overcomes that.  Yeah I still wanna.  LOL LOL  

    But then, some of us long time members here, know of relationships that have happened and the outcome was marriage and or long time partners.  

    Please do be carefull if you are falling head over heels in love and it is not truly both ways or just LUST!

Love is the most ambiguous word in the English language. It's been over a year and I'm still in love with Ginger Taylor, but I fell in love with Caylee last weekend and Ilona 2 weeks  before that. Damnit.  

 I also love my mom and dad, my children, my dog, college football, and Ben & Jerrys ice cream.

Right or wrong, it is you.

Whenever you can find the “it is me” part, you won’t be able to truly love anyone.

You are absolutely correct.  

The problem is many are puritanical bigots weighed down by puritanical baggage they carry and look down on people that fit certain predefined mold.

Free and advanced thinkers in the modern world, they are not.

make sure she fells the same way about you.  If she does not, you MUST respect that just like you must in any potential relationship.

Peace Out !!

Thanks you TaylorLeigh! I believe you have made this thread become what it is: A great, positive, constructive conversation. I greatly appreciate your kind input.
Thanks again

ChannelLaBelle, thanks for your wise and kind words, thanks for your impartiality. Greatly appreciated

Thanks Ladies!  I notice in both inputs the word " human". Beautiful, hot, intelligent, kind, and humble! Can't beat that!

Thanks GentlemanGuy, I pretty much agree with you .

Foguete69, sorry, I won't provide a link, lol.
Thanks my friend, you are among the best.

Bigjoe, as always you are the glue that hold the community together. You are a model for us the newbies. Thanks for your wise words.

Electronrealm, you are awesome. Thanks for the comprehensive coverage of the topic. You said it all, there's nothing left. Sometimes, just by reading you I wish I have taken more literature classes.lol
Thanks again.

Thanks Bball, this time you didn't say " WTF", lol. 

Thanks JimmyPW, LA_Frank for your wise words. I will remember.

Stockings69,  you definitely like this hobby. Lol, you are a great guy. Thank you.

Anonymousfun, thanks for your inputs.

Each time I go see her, the first thing I do after kissing her and entering her bedroom is to put down the envelope. I also make sure I have my clothes on 10 mn before the end of the session....

She knows I love her, She gracefully told me that she is not ready; yet, she treats me very well. Sometimes, she goes beyond my expectations to make me feel good, nothing to do with the time I payed for. We are human after all as stated by the lovely ladies above.

Thanks again everyone, you made me feel good. Happy Hobbying

Seriously, dude, put down the tequila before you do something stupid...

Thank you.  And you make an excellent point.  Love can mean almost anything.  It is one of the most common words, but also one of the most variable, poorly defined, and ephemeral.

For example - I openly confess my devotion to my true love often.  But she doesn't ever say a single word in response to my affections.  Many would say she is cold and unforgiving.  And indulging her leads to obsession and making bad decisions.  But I am steadfast in my pursuit of her charms.  I long for her, covet her, and desire her like no other.  She is my happiness and my joy.  And she makes my life worth living.

Oh beer - I love you so much!

Thank you for the kind words, you are most welcome.

Life (and love) is full of all kinds of valuable learning experiences.  And pitfalls.  But often just knowing someone else has been through something similar to what you are going through is a great comfort.  As you can see there are a lot of folks that are quick to give you advice, encouragement, or comeuppance as they see fit.  

I think TER discussion boards deserve a new motto:
"Free reality checks given here."

LOL

Take it from a chronic daydreamer - a little reality check now and then is a very good thing.  Thanks for asking our opinion and good luck

Ask the clock, what time is it? It will tell you it' s time to drink"

Charles Baudelaire

So are we talking about phileo, agape, or eros when we talk about love?

Well, I do consider myself a bit of an amateur philosopher..

especially posts by Joe and electron and others! This topic has been brought up many times many forums. I have just one point to share:

Three years ago I fell in love with a provider ... I still am. Before that I listened to the discussion of this topic more from a distant and impersonal way - but with kind thoughts to the person that fell in love. I commented with polite advice.

But now, it is very personal ... I am analytical type ... so I have spent a lot of time analyzing my feelings, my actions, my hopes, my fears, ... her feelings, her actions, her hopes, her fears ... our love ... but you cannot fathom this thing neither subjectively nor objectively!!! almost all posts on this thread are on right side (if possible to define) on this topic. but me advising ... I cannot!!! I have personally received advises ranging from "think with your big head" to " love is the only thing you need" ... lol!

Only advise (in a question form) that stuck with me came from a civvie friend ... "would you be able to protect yourself from being hurt if that situation were to rise?" and this is my only comment (because all others are already made very clearly) to the OP.

I am in complete love with this lady hope you get to love the person you love ... no bars!

Thanks for such a great discussion, all

If it is to be...let HER make that move.  

I have been in this position TWICE and it has NEVER worked out.  There are several reasons why:

1.  Money FIRST.  Everything else SECOND.  Most providers are programmed this way.  If they start to catch feelings for one, it could affect the cash flow, (more on this later).  This is their job for a reason.  Keep this in mind.
2.  Men become possessive in relationships.  Providers know this.  That's why most of them do not have relationships or are hiding their profession from their S/O.  Most men can't handle knowing two or three (or more) different cocks are plowing their women DAILY.  Easier to be single and refer to rule 1.
3.  You aren't the only one that "loves" her.  Trust me on this boss.  Everyone "loves" that poosay!  So don't think for one minute you're the only one trying to profess to her.  She knows this too.  And if she commits to one, it could end up being rule 2, which leads her to rule 1.
4.  If she wants to be with you, let her work to be normal for YOU.  While this is indeed a profession for most providers, for those that do want a full relationship, they will let it be known to THAT person.  I recently have been with a provider who our time together has become more personal.  She has expressed an interest, and I have reciprocated.  However, we both have certain "walls" in the way.  She indeed does have a husband (rolling my eyes), and she escorts, and I have my career.   These factors alone cause us to tippy toe around one another a lot.  We enjoy what we have, but it's a FINE line.  

In closing, don't believe the hype or the rib sandwiches some people are feeding you.  I live in REALITY because I have been in the game a long time.  If a provider wants you after you see her several times, you'll know it.  Let HER make that move.  Then you'll know it has a chance to be real.  If you make the first moves, you'll end up like many others...with your heart and your pockets broke!

Cdav

If she reciprocates the love does he still have to pay her bills?

You bring up some great points man too. I enjoyed your perspective.

Thanks man. you bring up some great points on love. I sure love some ice cream especially their strawberry cheesecake ben and jerry.

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No problem man. I glad that I can be a help to you. In this hobby, it is not good to go at it alone. We as the community want to help those that need guidance. Have fun and enjoy the hobby. you will get better and we will be glad when you or others become better.

That is a great question gentleguy. Some people have the strength and some don't have the strength. This is where you and the provider that you are interested in to have a full understanding or have a conversation to see where is her mindset is. She might not have the same level of love as you.

...taking the time to develop a strong, true, friendship with this lady?

I'm not discouraging LOVE, but sometimes we rush into that emotion.  Espescially with the opposite sex.  We forget that love necessarily brings limitations and expectations which may ultimately destroy what began as pure and beautiful.  And with unfulfilled expectations come anger, tears, and sadness.  

Friendship, on the other hand, shares many of the benefits of love, but with freedom and liberty and very few of the previously referenced limitations and expectations.  Good friendships are built upon mutual respect, honesty, selflessness, acceptance and forgiveness.  That is the kind of relationships we all need, even if we think we want love.

And best of all, if the friendship endures over time and eventually evolves into COMMITTED LOVE...well, then you and your will be truly blessed.

Groucho Marx said..."A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"  That's the kind of woman I want to be my LOVE.  LOL

Best wishes,

TONY

 


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ccc

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nice response

See - we can play nice.

Sometimes.  


-- Modified on 7/25/2015 10:10:40 PM

Thank you sir! Your only advise is a great one and it has been recorded. Thanks again.

I completely agree with you...

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but the door was left open to "real dating" by a couple of ladies I got rather close to. I am also such good buddies with a few other ladies who were/are friends with an ex of mine that seeing them professionally is simply not an option.

and yes, I suppose it's a good problem to have. Friendships like this can last for many more years than a romance that flames out after a few months.

that's the way it's suppose to be

I advise a friend of mine to read this.....your comment is spot on.  It is about seeing the out of character without causing the walls to fall down.   Your point was great.  She might not even be in ATL......but I like  the ATL board.....she may not be reviewed.....by many.....ATL must be a great place to live....I'd be broke!!!!

I love this sentiment and the replies the post received.

I wouldn't say I was in love with any providers, but I've cared for many and I've told them.  I'll keep names to myself, but I think you can grow legitimate feelings.  There is one particular who retired and moved recently and........I really miss her!  A lot