Wanted to get some fellow providers and guys input on this. So I've recently had a guy request an appt with me who I've seen before, and I'm available everyday all day just about. Then he says that he's going to give me as a reference to many other girls. And I've had like three girls contact me to reference him. Now the guys that know me know I have no problem what so ever about giving a reference, it's just how he went about it. Why try and setup something with me when all you want is a reference. It seems kind of disrespectful to me, or am I being crazy?  Ladies has this ever happened to you and guys have you ever done this before?

No, you are not crazy. You are jealous and envious of the other working girls that your client is seeing.

What is wrong with "how he went about it"? He passed your screening. He paid your donation. He gives you a heads up that he is using you as a reference with other girls. What more do you want or expect?

I don't think that her problem is her inability to understand that variety is the spice of life.  She seems to recognize that, per her statement about openly giving references.  I think her issue is the fact that the gent seems to have contacted her using the guise of scheduling an appointment, when in fact, he really just wanted to use her as a reference.

I think there are a few men out there who believe that if they don't "butter us up" by making us believe that they are planning to schedule with us as well that we will not be willing to provide a reference.  I realize this might be spearheaded by a few ladies acting unprofessionally, but for the rest of us, it's a pain the ass.  When you ask a lady for her time, she may clear that spot on the schedule, and then when she recieves a reference request from someone else and you have not followed through with her, it's frustrating.  Most of us understand that variety is what this hobby is all about.  I think many ladies can understand the irritation Heather is feeling.  Probably this fellow was worried that she may not want to provide a reference if he didn't make her believe that he was planning on seeing her again right away.  In most cases, this isn't true.  It may just be due to a bit of ignorance or self importance on his part, or he may have been scorned by a jealous and unprofessional provider who denied him the simple courtesy of providing a reference so he could see another lady of his choosing.

Either way, it's still a bit tactless to approach it that way.  Everyone's time is valuable.

I completely understand variety, that's why us escorts exist And if these girls had just emailed me asking for a reference, perfectly fine. But I feel the guy wasted my time, only to try and get a reference. I've given plenty of references, because I don't care if a guy isn't going to keep seeing me. And I guess it would be more tactless then disrespectful. I guess I was more surprised by it then mad, and wanted to see how often this happens. Because I've never had it happen before.

...and every time, he comes back to see me too He even took ME out on HIS birthday (sweet guy). I guess what my point is: you get what you give.

Xoxo
Caylee

He requested an appointment with HER, and then didn't follow through.  I think it's more an issue of her time being wasted then being jealous and envious, which by the way, is quite redundant.

It's frustrating when a gentleman contacts you requesting an appointment, and then flakes out.  Things happens, yes, but it's frustrating all the same.  

I think her whole point seems to have been missed, which is why bother pretending you are scheduling an appointment?  Just simply request a reference, and one will be happily given.  Like I said, I think some fellows are concerned that some providers ARE jealous, when it actuality, most of us are not.

He should not have made it seem as if he was going to make an appointment with you. He should have simply asked if you would give him references. Whatever his reasons his actions were deceitful.

No regular session or anything? If so, it was a bit tacky and showed that he had little regard for your time. The one time I've requested a reference was done via email. Never would do what this guy  did.

I am reference friendly and I know there have been some men who chose me in part because I am.  I feel that providing references are part of the "after service", so to speak.  They were kind enough to pick me, screen with me, show up on time and behave like a gent.  It's a smart move on their part to patronize someone who is available and responsive for that purpose.  I do limit the references to a year and there have been once or twice when I've sent a note, "hey, maybe you can use one of those girls I gave references to...  it's been a year and I have given so many providers the thumbs up on you there should be someone else you've seen recently who can take that over "  - and it's always been taken well.

Men pick providers and exclude providers for any number of reasons.  It's great that you have that in your favor - why not enjoy the benefits and roll with the minor annoyances it may bring.  It's to the benefit of the entire hobby IMO, Pro's and clients.

Referencing guys you have not spent time with will result in hurting your business reputation.

In my line of work, I only refer patients to other providers I would feel comfortable treating me. Those providers refer back to me under the same conditions.

I know that's a bit different than this situation but it still applies.  If the guy is a jerk, but you don't know that, why risk harming your relationship with the other ladies? Even though you are technically competitors, we know there's enough business to go around. There must be a sense of camaraderie, right?

Thanks Ginger, you so sweet and everyone else for posting. I just want it to be out there that I have no problem giving anyone else references as long as I didn't have any problems with the client. But this guy tried to setup an appt with me then had like three or four ladies contacting me within the hour of us talking asking for references for him. I'd never given him a reference before. So I just wanted to get some input from everything, thanks. And have a great day

And no Ginger he didn't make an exact appt. He contacted me saying he'd love to see me again and when I'm available and what area. I told him. Which I said I have open availability for him and in the same area as last time. Then his next email said that he gave me as a reference to several ladies that would contact me. But not to worry he still wanted to see me again and soon. I don't care if he wants to see me again or not. I don't give a reference to someone so that they might come and see me again. But to waste my time just for a reference didn't feel right to me. Plus how am I to give him a reference when I in fact won't see him again because of this?

MSHSEX, I'm not jealous or envious, I would actually prefer him to see others because I won't be seeing him again. I was just looking for input from fellow providers and gentlemen.

I am neither jealous nor envious. I do hope that he goes and sees other people, that's perfectly fine. We all pick and choose who we want to see. I was just looking for a little input from my fellow providers and gentlemen on here, and nothing more.

You are correct. My comment was made on the understanding that client had gone through an appointment with the OP. Apparently that did not happen, so I retract my previous comment. The OP did not make the point that the client had not seen her yet especially clear.

I retract my previous comment. I was under the impression that the client had seen you before you were called for references by the other girls. Apparently that was not the case, so my previous comment no longer applies.

He sounds wishy-washy and you're handling it well.

Don't be surprised if some ladies PM you asking about him so they can be spared this BS.

I now have a headache from reading the whole thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have A Great Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, in essence someone who has seen u before, enquires about your availability and asks for a reference subsequently, u believe it is disrespecting you! Strange logic in my book.

Thinking of seeing but don't sure anymore.

Honestly, he didn't do anything wrong!

Posted By: Reece1021

You have seen this gentleman before. He first contacts you to see if your available. You state that you are. Then his next message is not to officially book an appt with you but to tell you he used you as a reference to some other providers. He states he will come see you soon again as well. So your angry that he initiated the contact with your thoughts of him making an appt..but was probably easing in telling you he used you as a reference. Because of this you don't want to give a reference for him and no longer want to see him again? I just want to be sure I have the facts straight before I give my opinion. Let me know. Xxoo

If the OP had seen the client before, she does not specifically say so in her original post.

I retracted my comment on the basis that she had never seen the client before (and still has not seen the client).

If she has seen the client before, then my original comment to the OP still applies.

Posted By: Reece1021

You have seen this gentleman before. He first contacts you to see if your available. You state that you are. Then his next message is not to officially book an appt with you but to tell you he used you as a reference to some other providers. He states he will come see you soon again as well. So your angry that he initiated the contact with your thoughts of him making an appt..but was probably easing in telling you he used you as a reference. Because of this you don't want to give a reference for him and no longer want to see him again? I just want to be sure I have the facts straight before I give my opinion. Let me know. Xxoo

Actually that's not true at all Reece, he contacted me though 5 different emails asking me when I was available and where I was this week. And also the emails asking me all this was within an hour time frame, trying to setup something. That's what anyone does that'd I've met with when they want to setup an appt. Then after I let him know that I have full availability, and I'll make time to see him.  He then lets me know that three or four girls would be contacting me asking me for a reference. Then saying don't worry..me and you will still be getting together some. It just rubbed me the wrong way, because I have no problem giving references but that feels like abusing it to me. I just feel he went about it the wrong way, if a girl emails me asking about a guy if he's okay then I respond. I guess I was just unsure if I wanted to provide a reference, and I've decide.  I wanted to get other people's input, and thanks for everyone that responded with how they felt. I'm not trying to cause drama, which seems like where this is going. So I'm going to end it with wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday and a great rest of the week.  

Don't worry, you are not causing drama. You have asked a perfectly reasonable question. I think some people, including myself, were a bit confused as to your particular situation because of how you wrote your post. But it's all good. Have a good rest of the week yourself.

It can happen that he booked an appointment with you and after that he found some new girls that he felt he must try them out at once or else he will become too old for them (pun intended). You know, genuine change of mind. However, that does not absolve him from his actions. I believe that he should be man enough to apologize to you and offer to come back to fulfill his commitment.

at all if he didnt have an appointment BOOKED. The guy is asking (according to your OP) when you are around then wants to use you as a reference? WOW!! he even said he wants to see you again but I am sure he probably wont now. I know you said you wouldnt see him again BUT I have given literally thousands of references and believe me the guys DO come back again and again. I think you are reading into this to much. Its not like he had an appointment booked and then ask for a reference. Just my opinion. I would hate to see you loose money on someone that would have more than likely been back.
Hugs and kisses
TL