I don't know about the rest of you, but it seems many on here indulge quite frequently.  When I visit a provider I want to see another one again and again.  I seem to go in binges. The last time I was seeing them weekly from MArch through Sept.  Since then only seen 2. Seems to be addictive.  What do you think would be an average % of income spent on satisfaction before it becomes addictive?  5%?, 10%?  Also when I indulge providers I have no desire to meet other women for a 'regular' relationship.  I find myself not wanting to go through all that dating crap.  It's easier to hook up some fantasy and make the connection.  You know the end result and if you do your homework things work out.  Don't know, thought I'd get some input.  

Reiscussion question regarding hobbyists.....

I only habby every couple months because I can't afford any more often... For more info regarding your question check out the past polls. I remember a poll similar to your question.

Addictive? Hmmm ....
Yes I do believe so. I think it becomes more addictive and more impacting to one's life when not only are you avoiding "real" relationships with "real" women, but the "hobby" is taking up more and more of your focus... Not just the time spent with the provider, but the ongoing interest in the "who-what-where-how" and the "homework" you speak about, the ESCAPE (from what?) into the fantasy world rather than to deal with the conventional mores of dating or as you said,  "crap"
   (Um, so who told you those kind of arrangements are real, realistic, or the norm? Most "real" women I have encountered have no "real" clue what is going on with their husband, boyfriend or lover sexually, intellectually, spiritually, or even on a friendship level. They would rather not know the truth, and pretend the "R" is everything they wanted and hoped for. Or at least they think they can change you or it into that one day...)
   How much is too much? Well, certainly when all of the other telltale signs of addiction are there: compulsive behavior, needing more and more to get the same thrill, spending money you are supposed to use for other things (like bills), inability to stop regardless of the damage it is causing, even though you want to and know you need to, unrealistic views about the addiction and your life, when you find yourself giving up things you really enjoy and that are healthy for you so you can continue the addictive behavior.

There are many unaddressed addiction issues nowadays. Drugs and alcohol are the easy examples, but other addictions can be far more devastating  because of the lack of support groups available and the fact that shame causes most to hide their problems. Sex Addiction is a problem. I do believe most of us providers have serious sex addiction problems. Even harder for us to quit when it brings in the bacon. Others that go hand in hand often with this lifestyle are Gambling, Thrill Seeking, and my own personal demon, Shopaholism. I think Pornography is also addictive for men.

Look, want my advice? See It all for what it is. Be honest and frank with yourself. If it is interfereing with your life, slow down.  But keep in mind, the price you pay to see a provider 1, 2, 3 times a month or whatever .... IS ALWAYS going to cost you less than the emotion price tag you will end up paying for a failed relationship or marriage.  See? Not such a bad thing.  Oh, and don't forget, those "regular" relationships can be just as addictive and damaging and costly. At least with us we know where we stand and we keep it simple.

Rhiannon Fox
770 873 5319

Thanks, Rhiannon, for your thoughtful answer.

My 2 cents is that if a guy is not careful, "the hobby" will interfere with relationships with women outside "the hobby".  Why?  It diverts energy and attention from "real" relationships and likely will set up unrealistic expectations for women outside the hobby.  I mean, look at Eros Atlanta and you can see what I'm talking about.  Do our SOs look like most of these women?  Probably not.  Spending too much time with providers could make one less appreciative of women outside the hobby.  That's a danger I'm looking at in my own life.

Could the hobby be addictive?  You betcha, and I'm sure it is for a lot of guys.

Is the hobby healthy if you're in a committed relationship?  Most likely not, IMO.  Whenever we have to hide things in a relationship, there's usually trouble ahead ... big trouble.  And that secret will block true intimacy.  

And what about exposing one's SO to STDs.  Lady Raven posted a message a while back regarding the facts (yes, facts) about transmission of Herpes w/o lesions being present and w/o the person even knowing he/she has Herpes.  Is it fair to expose a SO to that?  Do I even need to ask such a question?

Good reply Fox but I think that may be the extreme and over analysis.  I'm sure everybody hobby's for different reasons and we all have different numbers of sessions, but it's a lot simpler for guys.  

The normal guy just likes to get laid as often as possible with as many partners as possible.  It feels addictive because we use our financial resources beyond good sense and we follow our desires when we shouldn't.  This has little to do with the other relationships in our life and more to due with a desire to get some.  You may be surprised to know how healthy our relationships are with our SO's.  

I also think we get to a point financially where it's easier to do some research, make an appointment, pay the fee and have some fun.  Might be part of an ancient desire to be the "alpha male" but I really think it's just guys enjoying having sex with as many different attractive women as we can find.  Period.

I think it is interesting to consider the fact that although this original post was speculating that the hobby could be dangerous because of the fact that it is a lot easier to get your fulfillment through providers, making "real" dating  seem like much too much trouble to be worth the 'tang .... Most of you "hobbiests" are involved in serious committed relationships or married. My estimate is about 85%.

Yes, it is wrong. Yes it is inconsiderate to take the risk of giving an STD to your SO. But these issues are with cheating -not the "hobby" itself, although the "hobby" makes it easier to cheat, for sure. Those dangers are out there. For all of us. Its not like those of you who are single are saying, "yeah, baby, lets roll those dice again, I ain't got nobody, what do I care if I catch something" ... NO NO NO! No one wants to end up with spoiled goods.

Still, I have to say in the defense of myself and other providers, we are probably the safest port in a storm for the fellow who just can't help himself, he's gonna cheat. Or play. Its not like we are the only option. There are PLENTY of (dumb) SLUTS out there GIVING it away.  (ok maybe not enough for some of your liking, but now....) The difference is this:  A provider is savvy (we hope) to the fact that sex spreads STD's. We should all be practicing SAFE SEX, and going to the docter for an STD screening every 3-6 months. We are not interested in destroying your life, your reputation, or your marriage. We do not sit up at night crying because you went home to your wife. We know you are NEVER going to leave her. We know we can't change you. None of us are sitting around scheming up plans to separate you from half of your assets. (just a little at a time....lol)

Some guys can't resist the temptation of the "strange". For these gentlemen, a provider is his best option.  Hey, I can understand. I love women, they are kind of like potato chips... you can't eat just one!!

-- Modified on 1/29/2004 4:23:08 PM

was said by Charlie Sheen:

"I don't pay a pro to have sex with me, I pay her to go away after she has sex with me."

Everyone seems suprised when some high-profile celebrity gets caught using a pro, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense.  If a celeb spends all his (or her) time getting it "for free" from the hoards of groupies that follow them around, the celeb is at terrible risk of "PGS" (psycho groupie syndrome), "BRS" (buyers remorse syndrome), and "IGTSCAGHTCS" (I'll get that snotty celeb and give him/her the clap syndrome).

Rhiannon and Banana,

As one who deals on a professional level with the fallout from relationships going sour and the physical and emotional toll taken by std's your comments are spot on.

Well said, Rhiannon.  Good stuff, and good advice.

atl_mgr