I'll post this here because they guys on the GD board don't have enough perspective on the subject.

I've always had a higher than average sex drive, I'm guessing due to higher than average t-levels based on everything I've read.  As a result, it's pretty much dominated my life from early teen years on, and not always for the better.  In fact, I can say that a most of the problems of my life can be traced back either directly or indirectly to having high testosterone levels, and being a frustrated pussy hound.  

Divorce, lost loves, financial setbacks and enough heartache to last a lifetime all seem to be traceable to the sex drive that eventually brought me to TER.  By comparison, my buddies all have much less interest in women in general or getting laid- some are almost indifferent compared to me- they barely notice women, aren't particularly interested in talking about them etc.  This isn't just the married guys, but some of the single guys too.  It just seems like sex and women have always been at the center of my thinking, whereas most of the guys I know would rather putter around with some hobby or sport than get laid.

I wouldn't give a damn either way except for the fact that the guys that aren't driven to get laid have much more stability in their life and even seem happier- although it looks boring as hell from the outside.  But at a minimum, they haven't lost their house from divorce or been drained dry from by the ex or from the pursuit of strange pussy.

Now that I'm older and my sex drive is declining, I look back on all the trouble trying to get laid has caused me and I wonder if the other guys aren't really the lucky ones.  I realize this may be the wrong group to ask, but am I the only one that's experienced this sort of thing?

-- Modified on 12/1/2011 2:59:21 AM

Sorry to be so philosphical, but I have many of the same experiences that you have.

We can't help being what we are, so to try and repress ourselves would be hellish.

Despite all the problems, I'm very thankful I took the path I chose, and I'm prepared to take the good with the bad.

I've always had a similar sex drive but didn't act on it so much in younger days, deciding to abide by societies mores. About five years ago after a sequence of traumatic events I turned to the hobby and shortly after discovered TER. I'm loving every minute, having the best sexual/sensual experiences of my life and sort of wish I'd made the move sooner. Of course, I couldn't have afforded it then. So for me, a little wistfulness, but loving it now. The past is just that, learn from it and enjoy the now.

is rarely the case.  And I highly doubt that having a "higher" sex drive was the only reason for the types of issues you described.

Many people of both sexes have urges and desires that, in many cases, are NOT acted upon.  This ability to control ones impulses is the reason why you are seeing things on the other side in a different light today (IMHO).

Many of the same problems have occured for folks who have alcohol, drug or financial dependencies.  Most people NEVER realize that all of these can be controlled by the individual.  But that individual is powerless to control these items in many cases...or so they believe.  And when they cannot control this, they have the financial and emotional losses you described.

Now that your "sex drive" is diminishing you are looking at the past...realizing that your life could have been different...and remorsing.  That type of reflection won't change the past...so perhaps time to look ahead and live your life the way you would now like to.

I can relate to the high sex drive.  I repressed my inclinations for most of my life.  Now that I am older and have the time and funds to follow my desires, although the drive is still there, my physical ability to act on my desires is diminished greatly.  This is really frustrating, almost as frustrating as holding back the urges at 20 or 25 years of age.  Oh, don't think I don't hobby as I do, and enjoy it very much.  But it could be so much better if my physical ability matched my desires.  I guess that is the problem of many males as they grow older.  Sometimes it REALLY pisses me off.  As much as I enjoy whatever sex life I have, I often wish my sexual desires were less.  Of course, I have tried the ED drugs but I find them to be not very helpful.  It seems I live in the "resolution" mode most of the time where my mind says go-go and the body says, not so fast guy.  Oh, the resultant hard on is definitely there to a degree, but not really strong enough for a good fuck.

What a thought provoking OP and series of intelligent, well articulated responses in only a short thread. Men are wired to be sexual - that drive is what biolgicallly guarantees the preservation of the speices. I think back many years to my college days when I was still a virgin, hearing all the stories of sexual conquest from my college friends, and yet, despite being jealous, curious, desirous , and at times downright horny, satisfied my sex drive with playboy, being highly committed to the strict religous and moral valus with which I had been raised.
My wife of 40+ years and I were both virgins when we married and we learned together. I can't say that we ever had the most mindblowing, out of this world sex but we must have done something right - we are blessed with children and now g-childen.  Hobbying (only 2 years becasue of illness more than a decade ago from which she has thankfully 100% recovered although with signficantly diminshed sex drive), has opened my eyes to a sexuality in me and level of physical satisfaction that I could not have even dreamed was possible.
Do I regret that I remained faithful and monagomous and didn't start earlier, despite occasional, or
maybe even frquent fantasies of eroticism, that crossed my mind thorug the years? An unequvicable and resounding NO.  
Do I still grapple with the moral incosistences and rationalizations  that I have now permtted to justify my current actions. YES.
Am I happy that at this stage of my life a new door has opened, while at the same time very carefully maintaing what I have at home. Absolutely YES
Don't look back with any regrets - the past is the past and can not be redone or undone. See each day as a new day to be lived with new opportunities and new challenges, with the lessons of the past hopefully molding and guiding you through today, tomorrow and the future.

Your lament reminds me of the words to Frank Sinatra's song, "My Way."


For what is a man what has he got If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows...
And did it my way.

They say hindsight is 20/20 because all of us can look back at our lives and find things we could have done better, different or not at all.  It is human nature to wonder about what could or would have been if we had done things differently.  

As a lady who truly enjoys the company of my older clients, I think that many are not and have not been as happy as you imagine.  It is easy to compare oneself with other men and think that they are happy.  They may be in a more stable and comfortable point in their lives, but that does not always equate to happiness.

Men generally put on a facade to the outside world.  Unlike women who share feelings, disappointments and experiences with one another, many men do not feel comfortable doing this among each other.  That makes it easy to think that they are happy or content.  Perhaps they look at you and say, with envy, that you spent the life of a playboy with different beautiful women and not stuck in a relationship with just one person.  No different than how many married men view their single friends.  They may have secretly wished for more excitement, but chose not to act on it.

It may surprise you to know than many older gentlemen are entering the hobby.  When I see some of them, they tell me of their unhappiness in their marital relationship.  However, they have children and grandchdildren and a spouse to consider.  They also do not want to risk their financial stability and their savings by getting a divorce, especially at this late date as they know that their ability to accumulate more wealth is limited by their age as they approach retirement.  So they suffered in silence for years until they learned somehow about the hobby and wish they found it earlier.  These men have learned to mask their disappointment even to their families.  Their spouses, children and grandchildren probably think that he is happy.

Unless you truly know what is going on in their lives, you are merely looking into a window and seeing only what you can perceive through the glass without more information.

The holidays are a tough time for us all.  Its a time for reflection and remembrance.  Give yourself a break and realize that the grass is not always greener, it sometimes just seems that way.  You can't change the past, but you can shape the future.

Sinfully Sinthia

I'm one of the other guys with the high sex drive. It was on my mind 24/7 but I never did anything about it. Ist marriage lasted 20 years and the second is still going after 30 years. Money was the reason for the first to go bad the second is still going great. Only thing now my wife has given up sex and I haven't.  I was faithful for 50 years and still would be but I just can't give it up yet. These 20 to 30 year old ladies are just so much fun. If my wife would just go back to giving it to me at least once a week I would quit this pooning in a heartbeat. I'm 71 years old  having a ball, and trying to keep up.

Me thinks you are a very savvy lady.  Please re-read my original comments and respond with your experienced thoughts.

Wow rancherejim - you are an inspiration to those of us who are only in our mid 60s! I think that there are many of us who, like you, can  say that we are happily married but at the same time seeking to fulfill our unfulfilled sex drives in the hobby world. Thank you too to the wonderful, sensual, personable, romantic, charming and often erotic  ladies who are enriching our lives in this most intimate and personal of ways.

Difficulties with achieving and maintaining erections is not limited to older gentlemen.  There are many younger guys who also share this problem.  It is just that a) its not talked about and b) its not as common in 20, 30 or 40 year olds as it is in  men in their 60s and 70s.  However, as frustrating as it is for you, when your mind is willing and your body is not able, you can be thankful that this is happening to you now and did not start in your 30s or 40s.

Your perceptions can either help you or frustrate you.  If you compare yourself to a 20 or 30 year old who can go at it for an hour, rest a half hour, then go again you will be frustrated.  Even someone who is in their 30s and 40s cannot keep up. 

If your enjoyment of sex is primarily centered around intercourse and penetration, and you often have difficulties in this area, you will be frustrated.

However, if you change your expectations, savoring the whole experience, you will relieve the stress of performance from the equation and enjoy yourself more.

Enjoy the conversation and flirtation, remembering that your largest sexual organ is your brain.  

Rediscover the joy of kissing.  

Enjoy the sensation of touching, caressing and exploring a woman's body with your hands, lips and tongue.  Not just the obvious places, but the nape of her neck, her shoulders, back and anywhere else your hands or mouth wanders.  Also allow her to return the favor by caressing and kissing you.

Move on to other oral pleasures.  If you feel comfortable pleasing her orally, there is something exciting about seeing your lover respond to your lips and tongue.  If you prefer only to receive, enjoy her slow, deliberate, teasing tongue as she slowly brings you to pleasure and a finish.

If, during this process, you become sufficiently aroused, consider using a cockring to help you maintain your erection.  Also, so that you receive all the stimulation possible, have her try using a female condom as normal condoms block some of the sensations that help you stay hard.  

However, if you do not get that rock hard erection, is there anything wrong with the appointment ending with looking down and seeing a beautiful lady looking up at you with your penis in her mouth?

It really all becomes a matter of determining what is important to you, doesn't it?

I realize we're not a representative cross section of the population on this site.  Our very presence here indicates an above average interest in obtaining sex.  But even amongst this group, I'm willing to bet I fall toward the far end of the Bell Curve.

If others here had similar needs/appetites or whatever, as I described, then I'll shut up and just say nice to meet some fellow travelers.

your sex drive is higher than most.  As you can see by this thread, everyone thinks their drive is higher than most.  My guess is that Providers hear that all the time, though would have to ask them to be sure.  

How do you compare your sex drive to others.  The rule of thumb is that the normal guy thinks of sex every 15 seconds.  If asked, most would probably offer that they think of sex even more than that.  

Where would we be if men didn't have an excruciatingly high sex drive.    The women aren't aggressors, usually.   Its part of the grand design to keep the world going round, and keeping it populated.

I used to think that nobody could possibly have the sex drive that I have.  But apparently they do.  The only true comparison that I can do is against myself and certainly my sex drive now is less than it used to be.  So, if anyone wants to say that their sex drive is higher than an aging guy whose drugs reduce sex urge, I'd have no trouble with that.  However, any of the other 3 billion men who think their sex drive is higher than most are fooling themselves.   Heck, ego is part of the grand design too

I would call that LUCKY LOL