in the Chicago area "Confucius say" jokes were a big thing.  Were they popular anyplace else in the US?
The first one below I recall from 55 years ago; the rest I found online.

Stewardess who fly upside down
have crackup

Marriage like bank account,
put it in
but when take it out, lose interest

Viagra like Disneyland
wait one hour
get two minute ride

If girlfriend starts smoking
you moving too fast

Passionate kiss like spider’s web,
soon lead to undoing of fly

Good fisherman knows
how to wiggle his worm

If lawyer join nudist colony
he have no suit

Chicken result from sitting hen
baby result from standing cock

Man who walk sideways through airport turnstile
going to Bangkok

Smart man like fish
keep mouth shut
stay out of trouble

A fox is a wolf
who brings flowers

Squirrel who run up woman’s leg
not find nuts

Many arguments have two sides
but no end

Virginity like balloon
one prick, all gone

Man who argue with wife during day
get no piece at night

Baseball make no sense
how can man with four balls walk?

-- Modified on 3/3/2015 7:50:23 PM

Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key!

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Woman who has blonde hair, has brown hair by cracky.

"Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in." Confucius .   Pollie Amorous

Man with tight pants, like hotel with no ball room.

Then there were the book titles:
Under the grandstands by semore butts
Rape in the gas station by whopumped ethal
Open kimona by semore hair

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This one was most understandable and funny back then because one of the old codgers on black & white TV westerns would end one of his statements with "by cracky".  As I recall, the jist of the term was equivalent to saying "for sure".  (Online searches indicate it has "rural" origins and often meant "by God" or "by Christ" and was used for emphasis, similar to "Jumpin Jehosophat".)

This one was the other "Confucius say" joke I remembered but since I could not remember who the actor was and because 50's TV westerns are not playing in prime time, I did not include it.

Anyone remember which Western actor frequently ended his sentences with "by cracky"?  My only guess is Andy Devine who played "Jingles" on "The Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok" (1951-58), but my memory tells me he is the one who often talked about going back to East Sedalia, Missouri, and that it was another actor with a gravely voice who said "by cracky".

Gabby Hayes?

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I believe we have a winner!!  Thanks for playing.  Short clip below from his website.

Until screwed on desk.

Vagina like small hotel.  Man go inside,
Leave bag outside.

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