Now that we have Viagra and other drugs, those of us of a certain age ought to be able to continue having sex almost indefinitely. Especially surrounded by this wonderful community of ladies.

But some of us who have had abdominal surgery (prostatectomy, bladder surgery etc.) have significant problems with erections and incontinence that a little pill won't fix.

Do you ladies have to deal with this sort of thing a lot? What are some strategies that work? Can you make sexless dates satisfying?  

Or do you think that guys often just throw in the towel when faced with these obstacles?

When you have sex don't you feel the best when you reach orgasm? There are many ways to achieve an orgasm and they don't all involve an erect penis. In fact the journey to bliss can be more rewarding that just sticking it in. If you tell a provider there is a problem most will accommodate and may show you what you have been missing!

I have seen a few references to threading. Typically I have seen them in relation to tantra and kama sutra. Threading is a technique use to put a non erect penis into the vagina. I wish there was more information on the technique!  

And what alyson said is so true and well spoken

You need to do the research to find the right provider who can give you what you're looking for.  

I started this hobby because I missed the feminine intimacy after my wife of 51 years died. It took me about 3 years before got comfortable with the idea of an escort. I made a very lucky choice of a 51 YO lady for my first. I was barely able to get an erection but her talented lips and tongue made an orgasm a sure thing. It has been about 2 years since that beginning but recently I has a psa flair up and my neurologist gave me a shot of a chemical that cuts off the production of testosterone which left me chemically castrated. When it came time for another shot I refused. I had decided I didn't want to conti nue  life without sex. I'm nearly 82. Since making that decision I have had some success with three of my favorites. No erection but some orgasms, some dry or with a tiny bit of ejaculate, some by way of a vibrator and some with no orgasm but all were successes in my mind because of the intimacy with the lady. Orally and/or with a vibrator I have been able to give them pleasure. My doctor says the effects of the shot I had are reversible with time. What happens then with the PSA and cancer is uncertain. In the words of Jim Valvano, "Never give up." In my words cherish the women who make life worth living.

Yeah, some guys do through in the towel, but you don't need to if you're motivated enough.

For ED its much more common for pills to fail to work than Big Pharma will admit.  Goto www.franktalk.org and you will find lots of guys who use solutions other than pills, including lots who've had prostate removed.  There are injections. Yeah right where you don't want to think about injecting, but its not bad at all, and it works really well about 80% of the time pills fail.  There are also VEDs. aka Vacuum erection devices, medical grade.  aka penis pumps in sex shops, not medical grade.  Plenty of guys use these too, and they work even more often than injections, if you can stand to use them.

Finally, there is surgery, the penile implant.  When the surgery is well done (and you want to be very sure to get a really really top notch surgeon) the results are fantastic.  Almost every guy, and guys partners (if they even know, some single guys don't tell their partners and they never know) are totally pleased.  The ones who are less than totally pleased almost always had the surgeon screw up one way or the other. You get an erection any time, for as long as you want, as often as you want, and you even can totally control the hardness.  That last feature is popular with partners, since most guys can get harder than they ever were, and most gals prefer less than maximum hardness. Your erection is totally natural looking and feeling.  If you can orgasm before you have surgery, you can do it after too, usually more easily.  Some guys do have problem with orgasm, but that's usually due to issues that existed pre-surgery that carry over.  But, this surgery is not for the fainthearted, and the issue is how motivated are you?

As far as incontinence, this often gets better over time when the prostate is removed.  Can take up to a year to improve.  But again, if the problem stays bad enough, and you're motivated enough, you can pretty much totally fix it with surgery, with an AUS, or artificial urinary sphincter.  It gives you complete mechanical control since they install a mechanical clamp around your urethra that you unclamp when you need to urinate.  Some guys get an AUS and penile implant all in one surgery.

Also, most guys who have total ED can still orgasm.  Might take a lot more effort, and BJ often is the answer.  Or BJ plus vibrator.

-- Modified on 1/18/2014 12:47:46 PM

Good luck with your prostate issues. Two years ago, climbing PSA and and a subsequent biopsy showed I had prostate cancer. I elected to have Proton Beam radiation due to it having good outcomes with little or no side effects. I had NO side effects and hobbied a lot throughout my treatment and afterward. I'm now 65.

I have nerve damage...  partial spinal cord injury.  The reason is unimportant.  One of my favorites, when I explained the situation she said "that won't be a problem" & it hasn't been.  She is primarily a FBSM provider + extras.  Our understanding is we start with a massage on a bed with mutual touching...  goes into a lovely make out.  Probably some DATY in there before she gives me a BJ (no hands allowed) the objective is to see how much sensation she can inflict on me without anything happening.  We move on to Intercourse.  I'm fond of CG & if she's good & can squeeze in the right place, I'll pop.  I used to like Lazy doggie BUT my arms aren't strong enough now.  Another good position is the T with legs intertwined...  because both bodies are on the bed.  
If it's not happening in a reasonable amount of time, back to a bj, porn style with hands allowed now, to a HJ.  Once I "need to cum"...  I let her take control...  but the flip side is her promise that she won't quit, we started out to get a pop & it will happen.  A gal who knows me well can make me cum surprisingly quickly if she hits the right spot.  
Since my incident...  sex feels different.  It feels good but different.  I don't feel the building intensity until the last couple of seconds (I warn my partners that I'm unable to give normal notice).  If I go to say "I'm going to cum!"  I am before it's finished.

I've been struggling with erections and getting to an orgasm for a few months. It came on very suddenly. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The ladies I've been with have been great. My greatest pleasure is the woman's pleasure. If she is enjoying herself and, hopefully, lost in passion, that's almost as good as an orgasm for me. Incredibly exciting and beautiful. In fact, a woman in the throes of ecstasy is one of the most beautiful things I could experience. Sometimes they really want that penetration and then I feel kind of bad if I can't keep it up enough to do that. I'm sure it must be just a little frustrating for them also.

Sean

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I have noticed a distinct difference in how orgasm feels after having my prostate removed. It's weird, the sensation is all concentrated in the lower half of my body now. Before I think I felt it all over. Some guys lose their orgasms altogether, so it's hard to complain.

You sir, have found a good woman. I'm working on that myself.

One thing I've noticed is, since I have problems now, it's much better to settle on one lady who is aware of your issues and knows how to deal with them. For me, the hobby used to be all about variety, but now I'm practically monogamous.

I use injections myself. They really work, and once you get over being squeamish about the needle--I realize this is an enormous obstacle for many--then they work. I cannot use trimix, but the bimix compound works just fine.

My biggest issue is incontinence. It's very minor, but all it takes is one drop to ruin everything, so no BJs for me. It's funny--women dribble pee and we call them "squirters" and some seek them out. Now I'm a squirter. I've looked into an artificial urinary sphincter, but they aren't that effective. Plus, my incontinence is so minor that I might have problems with insurance coverage.

The second issue is that my erect penis is now over 1 inch shorter than it was before surgery. Yikes. Since I was just average before, it's a problem. I have trouble getting enough penetration. Many popular positions are now unusable. And, I have to order condoms made for Korean men--seriously .

I'll tell you this, if my urologist had been honest with me about these side effects, I would have opted for a different treatment than surgery. The side effects from radiation are significant, but hardly anyone winds up with incontinence.

I understand that loss of length is common with prostate cancer surgery.  I've read that if you start VED therapy (pump your self up once or twice a day with a VED for 10 or more minutes) right away after surgery you can prevent some of that loss.  Not sure how effective it is if you wait to try it, but you could try it and see.  Done carefully and correctly, it shouldn't be damaging.

Guys going for implant surgery are sometimes advised to do a month or two of VED therapy prior to surgery to improve sizing to prevent length loss.  The most common complaint with implant surgery (60-80%) is loss of length.  Some guys do report significant improvements in regaining lost length (inch or more) from VED therapy.  There are healthy guys that also do VED therapy for 'enhancement', though I think the results there are questionable.  And, done wrong, it can damage you and even cause ED