the first liar doesn't have a chance. That's a life-lesson, I think. Lol
It was a dark and stormy night. I was driving home from playing badminton with Barack Obama at Will Smith's house. Feeling drained and with $25,000 cash burning a hole in my suitcase, I decided to call it a day and sleep early. However, my phone lights up and I get a text message from an unknown number. Suspecting that it was one of the many celebrities that want to sleep with me, I told my butler to take over the wheel so I could take a look. It was not a celebrity but from the top provider in LA. How she got my number I'll never know. I began to read...
Draped in masonic poetry and references to the works of Friedrich Nietzsche, I texted her back. I asked her if we could meet and she responded kindly to my advances with smiley faces galore, texting me her address. My butler, who is a robot that I built with my own hands, was immediately privy to the conversation and rerouted me to ma'lady's domicile.
Nervously I approached her door and knocked. The door creaked open and in my presence was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Long glowing auburn locks of hair and azure eyes she beckoned me to her whim without a single word uttered. She knew all of my thoughts:
"come hither young man"
My body shuttered. Sweat formed on my body. My hands shook with nervous excitement. I walked over to the table to place my donation. On the table was a copy of Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess. What a coincidence. I opened my suitcase and showed her...
"You're also reading Green Eggs and Ham? What are the odds", she whispered.
We discussed the metaphors and innuendos of the classic book, over a bottle of 10,000 year old wine which miraculously appeared out of nowhere. We sat on her couch and began to makeout to the sounds of Kenny G blaring from her iphone. Her lips were soft as marshmallows, her body as chiseled as the marbles of the pantheon. We made love for 4 hours. Our hands were all over each other, our tongues danced, our hair entangled in an embrace. She smelled of lilac and gooseberries. I could not get enough of her. Slowly I fell into a deep sleep...
I awoke in a haze and she was gone. The envelope was gone. Unbeknownst to me, I had developed feelings for this girl. How could she leave without saying goodbye? My heart was broken.
I went to my phone to text her but I was taken aback...her texts were gone. No record of ever having a conversation. No sign of her clothes or any evidence of her ever being in the room. I ran to my suitcase and opened it, fearing I've been robbed. Inside was a pink envelope with a note. It smelled of lilac and gooseberries.
"I could never take money from you. You've taken my heart and it is now yours. See you in another life"
There was $1,000,000 in unmarked notes in my suitcase. And the sender of that envelope?
Albert Einstein.
the first liar doesn't have a chance. That's a life-lesson, I think. Lol
Cookiehead is a scholar and a gentleman.
... a personal friend of mine