I am very clear on the nature of the sugar bowl, a different type of hobby. I have a sugar baby that I am visiting for the last three months and I noticed that she is still looking on SA. I have to say that I was not very happy but nevertheless that is the nature of the beast. I will continue to ride the wave until I want to see somebody new but I was wondering how common is this on the sugar bowl.
I've got a revolving 5 S.B's . A few have mentioned to me as to why am I still a SA member if I'm taken..? I give'em a cock n bull story, usually works for me 
but, anyway never believe a word a S.B. says to you..as long as there's money passing hands . With me hookers / S.B. have zero credibility.
frustration is to golf: Regrettable but hard to avoid.
Nevertheless, see the jealousy for what it is, and move beyond it if you really want to enjoy yourself.
She has to have multiple SD's to fulfill her financial needs. A lot of them also have loser BF's so they are f*ucking multiple guys. Don't see what the big deal is as this is strictly P4P just like with hookers.
My current situation...4 SBs that I see on a rotating basis:
1) 21 yr old who is regularly on SA and, I assume, sees other SDs. It DOES not bother me at all;
2) 31 yr old who is not active on SA and, I assume, does not have another SD. It WOULD NOT bother me if she did
3) 20 yr old who DOES see other SD(s) and it bothers me A LITTLE
4) 24 yr old who is not active on SA, I assume does not see other SDs, but it would DEFINITELY bother me if she did
Not sure what any of this says about me, my perspective on the Bowl, or the ladies as individuals...but it says something. So, I guess, for me, it does depend...on what? I do not know. I would never tell a young lady that I wanted exclusivity, and expected that of her, when I have others I see. BUT, I assure you that I don't advertise to any of them that there are others in the picture. Part of being a good SD for me, whatever that means, is the appearance that they are special. I assume that feeling wanted, special, etc is all a part of how they justify the relationship. My 24 year old is such a sweetheart that I guess it would bother me to know one of you old mongers was having your way with her The 21 year old is a party girl and the idea of "tying her down" (figuratively, as she likes it in the literal sense) , just seems so contrary to who she is that I don't want that from her. My 31 year old treats me like a king, as only a mature, sophisticated woman can....because of this, what she does when she is not with me matters not at all. My feelings about the 20 yr old, and being bothered a little....mystifies me. Feels good to share guys...thanks
I agree with Coach in general except that I ALWAYS tell the SB upfront that there will always be other women in my life and I expect there will be other men in hers. If that bothers her UI don't want to start an arrangement with her anyway. All of my SBs have maintained their activities on SA as have I and it's never bothered any of them or me. Matter of fact, being open about it and being able to talk to them has allowed me to gain some special insights into Sugar Dating from the Babies' point of view. For example, several have told me they have dropped an otherwise perfectly good SD when he became too possessive and controlling. So I give them lots of room and they generally keep cumming back for more!
I have only recently come to a situation where I've connected pretty well with three SBs, and possibly a fourth, on the initial or first few meets. Either I start the "rotation" gig, or I have to pare down to two, or possibly even one "exclusively". And I am not a little perplexed on how to deal with this embarrassment of riches, as it's so new in my limited, less than a year, experience.
So, please, can you old hands give me your insight as to the logistics and best practices for how the "rotation" system works for you? SBs will actually stay longer than a month or two if seen only every other, or third, week? Or is it that you see all four (or five!) each week?
Perhaps I am underestimating myself, but am thinking that I am probably only good to perform at BCD time once or twice a week. Thrice sounds fun and desirable, but challenging, at least on any consistent basis, for logistical reasons as well as desire/motivation/ money. To stay within budget, it's a certainty I would have to forego all the hotel rooms of the past and get these women to my new bachelor accommodations. Maybe the ability to actually get them there is the determining factor in how this plays out.
I have chosen the "rotation" route as i enjoy variety. I quickly learned that it can get overehelming, in terms of time and money spent. Like many of us here, i learn my lessons and hone the craft. A couple if things i do:
1) I always tell POTs that i am interested in 2-3 meetings per month. That seems to be the sweetspot for those who rise to the top of my screening process
2) Screening process has become the key to any success i have had. It has evolved, and is way too complicated to put into words here, and is very subjective/personal to me anyway
3) I NEVER meet with any SB more than twice per month, despite #1 above.
4) I enjoy strictlysocial dinners ( no BCD, no $$) with SBs, this keeps them happy if i am putting off BCD meetings. This saves me $$
5) i enjoy 2 BCD dates per week
6) i have learned that not all SBs are all about the money. I think that is fiction. I think very few care about maximizing the one time allowance...at the expense of the long term/ongoing possibilities. What they really want, in my opinuon, is money AND something else....great sex/fun/connection...something else. In other words, i screen to find women who i believe would prefer, for example, taking $300 per meet on an ongoing basis over the ones who want $400 per meet and seem to only be thinking about the first/next meet. I guess, in the end, it is my belief that if you can get them into bed the first time, by being a gentleman and treating them respectfully, you can continue to get them in your bed by providing the "something else" in addition to the $$$. They wont bitch about the allowance, or the frequency, if you are providing the "something else." Think about it...most (if not all) would take $300 per meet to be with a funny, well groomed, respectful guy, than $500 per meet with a distespectful pig (or a totally hot pig, for that matter).
7) So, i screen, treat them respectfully, and communicate in a way that lets them know that they matter. The occasional dinner or gift card also keeps them happy, even if it ends up we only see each other BCD once every 3-4 weeks
8) While i have had many arrangements end, none have ever ended because they were not happy with the frequency of BCD visits/$$$
9) All of the above thoughts are a product of learning from my mistakes and listening to the advice of others...and sticking to a process that works for me
10) enjoy the bowl!!
This is extremely helpful coach, many thanks. Loads of other guys besides me are going to find this gets to the heart of the matter.
And I take it that most of the bcd takes place at your home, to keep costs down, and because these repeats are comfortable with that. I am lol over the yachts and RVs that some are calling home for this fun. My main fantasy has got to be naughtiness in public. One can only hope, and home is where the heart is.
Hey Periscope...yes, forgot to mention that i like to play on my home court. It is a luxury from a time, cost, snd comfort level. As a divorced guy, it is an option for me. There would be no way for me to keep the rotation if hotels were involved...too much time, energy, and cash. I know, and understand, why some are hesitant to invite women into their home. I always meet first,publicly and platonically. If that goes well, i throw out a next day text to schedule a play date. I do not use the public/possible BCD option. Once again, screening is key...i want to minimize the chance that they will flake on the public meet. I always text/confirm a couple of hours before the public date and i always bring a $25 Sephora gift card to the meet. I have gotten positive feedback on this small gesture...whether we meet at Starbucks, over drinks, or over a nice dinner. I am no George Clooney, but 100% of the public meets that i have gone on, and have wanted to turn into a BCD date/arrangement, have done so. It does take time, and can be frustrating, but i have streamlined my process and now enjoy this new hobby!
A "first date" that takes place at your home or hotel room isn't really a "date" it's more of a "session" and the SB is not really an SB, but a hooker.
If it makes you feel good to give a small gift, $25 bucks seems like a harmless enough gesture, enough to buy some good will, but not enough to make you feel scammed if things don't go any further, although I will say I don't believe in paying for non BCD dates personally, although I will confess I did make an exception about a week ago and agreed to pay her "baby sitter" money on our first, non BCD date, although that date did lead to a bit of BCD time that same night. It was money well spent as I am now seeing her several times a week, for a virtual pittance that I am almost embarrassed to even tell you guys who think that you are getting bargains.
Agreeing to pay baby sitter costs to a young lady you have put through your screening process seems analagous to the token public meet gift: appreciated by the young lady and eases her mind...probably bought you alot of good will and, obviously, turned out to be worth it. Your post raises another point/subtlety about the process. I agree ....i would NEVER agree to a public date that required i pay for her attention...to me that is extortion. I bring a gift, and it is a complete surprise...the women i choose to meet are not the type to ask for $$$ for a platonic meet and, thus, are exactly the type to appreciate the small gesture. To me, offering to pay babysitter cost is much more like the random/token gift than it is like paying to watch them eat/drink. Again, i think it is the power of that "something else"...she probably saw you as a gentleman
Her babysitter cost her $45, or at least that's what she told me. (I really don't much care if its' true or not) and she simply asked if I would cover the cost of her sitter, which I agreed to. Now if she had told me she needed the very same 45 bucks for "her time" or to see if I were "serious" I NEVER would have agreed to pay her. lol
I have had dozens of POT SB's ask for an "allowance" for the first, non BCD date and I have said no to every one of them. This was the first time I have even given a girl actual cash money without having a clue if we were ever going to ever end up BCD. I will confess to giving two girls some token money "not agreed to in advance" after a first date that did not end up in BCD time. I gave one girl 50 bucks just because I felt sorry for her, (she was pathetic, and with a brand new baby) and another 20 bucks for gas. Neither of those girls ever ended up in my bed btw, but the money was so little I didn't exactly lose any sleep over it.
-- Modified on 7/12/2017 3:33:30 PM
This morning I had my first BCD with a lovely young asian girl I'm adding to my rotation. She's extremely concerned about discretion and would hate to be recognized out in public hanging our with an older man like me, let alone being seen entering a hotel. So she thought the idea of meeting me in my RV was excellent! And so it was. She showed up on time where I had parked, came in and was very relaxed and comfortable. We had some sweet adult fun and she left asking me to let her know when she could see me again. When I use the RV for dating I spend about $30 on fuel instead of $100+ for a nice hotel. I don't have to feel conspicuous walking through the lobby or worry about LE staking the place out. So I just don't see why you would laugh about it.
I have a similar (close to identical) approach/philosophy about my rotation - most of the time. However, I do wander over time to sometimes focusing deeper on my #1 and being less available to the rest. Unless you have unlimited budget (say over $15-30k a month in disposable cash), it's unrealistic to expect SB's in your rotation to be exclusive to you. If they are only going to net say, $400-$600 a month from you, that will probably not cover all of the expenses they want to fund with sugar. So that means they have to have a rotation as well.
For me, I NEVER promise or demand exclusivity. However, I also NEVER tell an SB about other SB's and I NEVER ask them about their other SD's. If they happen to bring it up, I don't probe for details, except to politely inquire if they a using the same safe-sex protocols as I would with alternates. Here's my rationale: These work best when both parties trust each other. Being suspicious, jealous, or controlling will end poorly. SB's are not wives or GF's and as such they live their own life that occasionally overlaps my life - less if the sex is not good or too expensive - more if the sex is awesome and/or affordable.
I am sure you didn't mean $15,000-30,000 per month for SB's, You can be "exclusive" with an SB (if that's what you really want) for a tenth of that amount.
I completely agree that bringing up the subject of other SD's/SB's is a VERY bad idea, and what you (and she) doesn't know won't hurt you. Some things you just really don't want to know.
I talk about my other SBs and the girl's other SDs with some of them and it's always a fascinating conversation. Several have told me how glad they are to b e so open and honest about it with me. So why do you say it's always a bad idea?
We all know using broadbrush terms like "never" or "always" usually invite someone citing an example to prove the statement otherwise. This is no exception to that rule, but you have to admit that you are often the "exception" to many rules as you are in a rather unique position of having a VERY open marriage. I doubt there are more than one in a thousand people in your position so what works for you is often going to work for very few others.
"In general" SB's don't want to hear about other SB's and most SD's don't want to hear about other SD's. Many SB's are simply "hookers in denial" and part of the illusion they have for themselves is "exclusivity" hearing about other SB's not only brings out the green eyed monster in them, but it also reminds them that they are now a whore for taking money in return for sex.
True GaG,
But can you provide a $1k to $2k allowance to a 4 or 5 SB rotation on an ongoing basis? My point is your monthly budget for sugar must be divided by the number of SB's in your rotation (plus a reserve for meeting new POT's for the bullpen).
I suppose we should also consider what "exclusive" can and could mean.
Possible definitions, depending on the SB or SD perspective and what your rotation goals might be:
1. The SB commits to seeing only you as her SD. And presumably she is not entertaining non-SD dates or BF's from civilian populations.
2. You commit that she is your only SB. And presumably you are not entertaining non-SB dates or GF's from civilian populations. There is an alternate version of this where the SD is married.
3. Both the SD and SB commit to be exclusive to each other.
My thought is that most one on one discussions are about #3, while most SB's are privately thinking about #1 and most SD's are privately thinking about #2.
Almost every SB profile I see has a claim that she is looking for one, stable and long term SD. I don't recall seeing any that effectively say "I'm going to whore around with any dick that pays", although we all know that most POT SB's will do this if they can't get their budget needs met from a single SD.
Even going by your numbers we are still only talking $5-10 K a month, not really a lot of money to be totally awash in pussy. lol
That said, like you I neither ask for nor promise anything even close to exclusivity, if I wanted a GF I'd go find one the old fashioned way. I still have enough game to get a GF without buying one, but I don't have, nor did I ever have enough game to keep 4-5 hot GF's on the string constantly like you can in the Sugar world.
As for the SB ads, I think you need to read more ads, there most definitely are POT SBs who are quite candid about not being exclusive, thousands of them I am sure.
I think many of you guys, just like in the hooker world, tend to overthink this. I pay what I pay, I don't over pay, and in my area I can get girls to see me for $100-200 a date. Even seeing a girl every single day of the week really doesn't add up to all that much money.
All I can say is I wish I had your budget!
Coach,
I find your advice to be very helpful. Can you share a bit more about how you screen for those that would be happy with $300 plus something else as compared to those that want only the highest upfront payment.
Hey Londonguy...I will do my best to summarize, but I tend to be wordy and, as I mentioned, most of what I do is subjective. With that intro, I will do my best:
First... When I review profiles, I look for any hints of desperation, bad grammar (I know , it's a bias), or some hint (or direct statement) that they are not interested in intimacy. When I find a profile and pics that interest me, and she is geographically desireable (remember, they travel to me...the one's who are 45+minutes away always want more $$) I send an introductory message. I send out lots of these, knowing that my age (over 50) is a dealbreaker for some. A woman who writes in a very self aware kind of way, in my experience, is looking for something exciting...just getting "sugar" ($$$) tends to be more important to them than how much sugar.
Second....my introductory message is a cut and paste job that does not sound like one. I compliment their profile, tell them that a long term, ongoing arrangement just ended for me (the type of woman I seek, and many in general, love that, on a variety of levels) and that I am hoping to find another with a beautiful, interesting, engaging woman. The type I seek, and the ones that see themselves as having something else to offer (more than just looks) tend to be more self assured and, in my experience, not all about the money. It is interesting...the ones who seem to be looking for the big first/only payday ($400 and up in my area) tend to be the ones who come off "as just a pretty face." The lack of self esteem comes across in their writing/description. Lastly, n my message
I compliment them on their looks/photos, referring back to the beautiful/interesting/engaging piece of my message (something like " you obviously have the beautiful thing going for you😎). I then introduce myself, and give them my first name (there is a reason for this)
Third....if they respond, I am looking for a response that EITHER:
1) uses my name
2) thanks me for the compliment or
3) inquires, in some kind of sincere way, about my past arrangement
In general, I am looking for words, or an ability to craft a response, that shows emotional intelligence
Each one of the above, for a subjective reason, has significance to me. In short, it tells me something about the woman that I find increases the likelihood that she will be someone who will fit into my rotation framework. I know this is starting to sound a bit formulaic...it really isn't. It is just hard for me to put into words.
Fourth...if I want to respond after that (weeding out the ones who focus on "how much" or some other detail that does not work for me) I send a message about what I have experienced in the sugar bowl and what I seek. It speaks of frequency (2-3 times per month), mentions lots of laughs, mutual enjoyment, mutual respect, a connection (with boundaries) and, yes, lots of great sex😎. I then ask them if there is a chance that we might be looking for the same things? This is clearly aimed at the intimacy piece. some will come out and say they are not interested in sex. Most will respond with some version of "that is exactly what theyare looking for." At that point, I follow their lead with how to respond. I will then be more specific about what I seek and the allowance I am willing to provide. If they are on board, invite them to move to text, assuring them that I want to meet publicly first and texting is the best way to plan and confirm. Once to texting, they are hooked. Many are willing to talk freely about what they enjoy sexually (again, this is all about getting them into bed. If they open the door to anything sexual in nature, I run through that door!)
The above has been my best attempt to summarize how I approach a rotational approach to the sugar bowl. I am constantly trying to recruit. Some fall off, others get replaced. I like variety, but I also like quality. This approach attempts to balance both. I stick to my plan and that has worked for me. I'm sure I misread some situations along the way, missing out on what may be a great SB, but no system is perfect. I am having fun and staying with in my budget. Oh well...that's my .02 cents worth. Enjoy!
Well we do agree about "constantly recruiting' but I think our similarities end right about there. Since I am open to so many different types or arrangements with so many different types of women, I try to never put myself into a box until I have to. and If possible I also try not to have any discussions about money until we meet in person. Notice I said "if possible" most POT SB's will insist on having at least a conversation about the money before meeting, but as I said, I "try" not to be put into a box until I know how much I am attracted to her once we meet and how much I actually like her.
As I have noted in posts before, when my first SB relisted on SA, I was shocked, jealous, and hurt. With the next two babies, I didn't give a rat's ass what they were doing when I wasn't around. I figured it was none of my business and I was using protection anyway.
You live and learn or you perish.
So cardinal you learned basically to treat S.B's like escorts correct?
So cardinal you learned basically to treat S.B's like escorts correct?
One SB I had been seeing dumped me when she saw my profile back on. Frankly, I was OK with it. She was a bit nuts and the sex was just ok. Of course, 3 months later she came crawling back wanting to "start up" again. I am currently rotating 3-4. I really don't care if they see others because I am doing the same. I tend to drop one then pick up a new one if I find one on SA who I like, is agreeable to my terms and wants to go BCD a few times a month. Yes, the chase on SA can be a time drain but I consider it entertainment, especially the young ones--clueless for the most part. I've stopped seeing providers and am sticking solely with SB for the time being.