Re:Financial Subterfuge for married men
gspider 38633 reads

doing some freelancing is always a possibility and I keep my eyes and ears open for that. It's just very quiet this summer in our industry.

Currently, "I'm paying myself" to do a bunch of remodelling work on my fixer-upper beach house. The prices handymen and contractors charge at the moment means I can save thousands. Amyway, I digress.

gspider42531 reads

perhaps this question is taboo, because I haven't seen much mention of it, but I have to ask because it could be one of the many obstacles to my entering the hobby.

I've been married for 16 years and don't want to screw things up at home, largely for the kids sakes. So I have to be ultra discreet. Unfortunately, all our accounts are joint ones and my wife pays the bills. She questions nearly every expenditure I make, so it's not like I can suddenly have a "paypal $300" line item without having some plausible explanation. I have been going to massage parlours a little over the years and managed to sneak my ATM withdrawals under the radar since it is smallish amounts, like $80-100, every week or two.

So any tips from the old hands?

Following the same procedure you've been using, you'll just have to save for a couple of weeks. Withdraw an extra 20 to 80 here and there and keep it tucked away till you have the required amount.

dfwguy40776 reads

I was in the same boat as you and let me say that I would not use paypal or ever pay by credit card. If that is what the providers insist, move to the next one. Over the last few years I have become self-employed,so with no set salary my wife has no idea how much money I have coming or going, but she does still see credit card statements. When I last had a salaried job I simply did what you are doing at this time, nickel and diming my way until I had enough money so as to fall under the radar. You may try other things as well, but it is hard for me to suggest when I don't know how you handle your finances. For instance, every time my wife would send me to the store I would pay with cash, and always say I spent more. Its an ardous task to be sure, but at least you will appreciate your time with the provider even more knowing what you had to go through to get there.

BTW-won't your wife see your membership to TER on your credit card statement?

gspider33376 reads

thanks for the confirmation. I guess the only real way for me is skimming extra money from ATM withdrawals into a "nooky fund". Seems like that could take a while with the going rates for escorts. I also need to get into the habit of cashing payroll checks instead of direct-depositing them when I'm working.

It's going to be a tough road though since I work for the studios in LA as a computer animator. There's no work at the moment so I'm living off our savings. The next big film is likely to be in the Sept/Oct time frame. The irony is that now I have the time and probably the money for the hobby but can't easily be screened, but when I'm working on a film, I don't have the time due to the long hours but could easily be verified.

So, I do foresee some other problems beyond getting the cash like the screening process. I wonder if the escort ladies would accept a reference from my regular masseuse(s)? It's an established parlour, not a fly-by-night. I've been a regular at the same place for about 2.5 years, so that might count for something. Who knows.

However, I think I can certainly have more success if I stick within the Vietnamese massage/escort community since I'm a regular with them and trusted. I'd like to escalate the services to something more intimate and I had a recent experience that leads me to believe I will be able to do this. The viet girls seem like are a pretty tight community, AFAIK, so I will probably have less hassle in that regard with referrals within their circles.

As far as my TRE membership, I paid with IBILL and I believe that makes it a pretty nondescript line item which I can easily explain. My wife is mostly worried about credit card fraud and bogus charges, like a good accountant. She's not so much checking on me for clandestine activity, I hope.

thanks again for the helpful suggestions.

Have you considered doing some freelance work for cash?  Keep half and give your wife half telling her that you picked up a little extra work on the side.

gspider38634 reads

doing some freelancing is always a possibility and I keep my eyes and ears open for that. It's just very quiet this summer in our industry.

Currently, "I'm paying myself" to do a bunch of remodelling work on my fixer-upper beach house. The prices handymen and contractors charge at the moment means I can save thousands. Amyway, I digress.

putzinyou38861 reads

you can load it with whatever amout you want, up to $500, and reload it as you use the funds; use it as a Mastercard or an ATM card. best of all, there is no statement. here is the link...

Not sure if this helps the married guy who might still have to justify where the $500 went.

gspider33665 reads

Interesting idea. I'm intrigued by that, especially for possibly paying for hotel rooms that I don't want the wife to know about. I suppose the idea is that I'd skim off enough ATM cash to eventually preload the card. Might not be necessary, but I was wondering do hotel rooms accept cash or travellers checks? I have always used the plastic in the past on legit trips. I know it's kinda hard to rent a car without a credit card these days, but not so sure about hotels.

thanks for the help, guys. This is all good knowledge to assist me on the road to debauchery. Sorry if I sound a bit dense with my questions, but I'm pretty new to this financial stuff having let my wife handle it for all these years. (I hate paying bills).

Hotels, even the Ritz let you register with CC but pay with cash. No prob. They simply cancel the reserve, and nothing shows on the CC bill, but then there is no bill with the Rite Aid card.
Travelers' checks do have a bit of a paper trail.
Prepaid phone cards are nice to have around, as well as prepaid cell phones.
I've rented cars with a CC but paid at the end with cash, but not from Hertz.
Go forth and debauch!

gspider38169 reads


thanks for the tip on registering with CC and paying with cash. That might be a good route to take.

let the games begin!

Something else you may be able to arrange.  Talk to your boss (if you are employed) and see if you can work out deals with him to pay a portion of your salaries in cash.  This is especially useful if you are about to get a salary adjustment.  Some employer are pretty cool about this and some aren't.  So proceed carefully.  If your wife is a good friend with your employer, then scratch that idea.  It would get you killed.  If your employer is male, most likely he would understand.

You do have a bit of a problem with you wife paying the bills. I have used Quicken since 1995, and I do all the regular bill paying. If your wife is doing it all manually, maybe you can convince her that your can do a better job with Quicken because you are such a sexy computer geek! Of course, if she's already using Quicken, that ain't gonna work.

These methods are slow but it's what I do...

1- Buy groceies with ATM card, skim an extra $20-40 of cash-back each time.

2- If you get expense reimbursements from a job, skim some when you deposit it. Use a teller, not the ATM.

3- Cash in rebate checks for products, don't deposit them.

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