I've been told on several occasions my motives are unfathomable. I often reply, not true, I just don't always do things for the reasons people think I should do them for. I am in a business fought accepted belief systems which often are not thought about, down right misguided nor intellectually challenged.

This afternoon I sat in a hotel room in Indiana with an independent escort who has had a very, very bad day. Her client was not only way beyond ruff, but in the end stole the money as well. On one hand I'm here to console her as a good friend and as a 'Mentor' should. Yet on the other I have an obligation to not only tell her the truth, but help her draw the correct lessons from this situation.  There will be no winners today. At best she will take the proper lesson, one I've warned her about repeatedly and from this day forward do what I taught her.

Let's forget victim-hood mentality for a moment, forget fault and examine actions.

Potential clients who do not, will not or wont follow rules of contact, you don't do business with them. In short any e-mail that says , "how do I do business with you" and that process /answer is clearly spelled out on your feak'en website, should be ignored. Why ? Well first off jack ass this is reason for having websites which clearly spell out said process.   I teach my  mentoree's if a client will not invest the time, to find the answers you've invested the time to answer, don't do business with them.  This is why I often post in my marketing, "spoon feeding  is not a service we offer. "

Today, one of my  mentoree's (kids) as I call them, be they independent or agency owner just found out why the hard way.

If they do not or will not respect your business process, then most likely they will not respect you.  When you validate and accommodate those who feel so entitled they are above your process, it usually doesn't end well. If you're lucky you'll just end up banning them most of the time. If you're unlucky, you could end up on a slab with a toe tag.  

From the clients prospective it  may seem unreasonable, after all this is a service industry. Strictly from that frame of reference you would have a point. Unfortunately, this isn't like any other service industry. If you purchase a bad bottle of milk you take it back to the store, it gets replaced no problem. In this arena, when things go wrong the potential for serious consequences for the provider or the client and his family are dire.  

Instead of doing what was taught, she succumbed to the conventional wisdom of lets pretend this is not a transaction and make it as personal as possible.  As I say, any relationship predicated upon a lie is doomed to failure. There is a reason I teach "process" it keeps you safe and produces the most predicable outcomes consistently. By ignoring it she feed his sense of entitlement, supporting his belief  she  would do anything for money and  she was desperate for business. My kid didn't follow her own rules published on her website and didn't grasp the message she was sending to this particular personality type.  If only it had gone the way it should have.

"How do I see you? "

Reply: That information is on my website, read it.

If he walked oh well,  let him. Quality clients invest the time more often than not. The ones who complain consistently end up being banned sooner or later. Of course nothing I've said is an absolute, only trends and lessons learned via multiple markets over time.

*sigh*

Tonight, I have to meet with her again and piece her back together emotionally. I have to get her to understand she didn't deserve this, he had no right to do what he did. However, you are accountable for the outcome, you didn't follow the rules and this is the consequences.

As for him, Fantasys! (our parent organization)  has dealt with him. She may be an independent, however she's family, he wont  do this again.  

It's wet, rainy and dreary in Indiana today, kind of apropos when I think about it.

The situation has been contained, she will heal, I will see to that and  this too shall pass as she has clearly stated to me,  I know this to be true because her last words to me today was, " thank you for being there.".


I'm done venting and I'll shut up now.


Lee Dreams
"Sine amore, nihil est vita"


NO PM's please.

-- Modified on 4/24/2013 4:02:46 PM

The truth is that a lot of girls have to lax their screening to make enough money to cover their business expenses and run their lives..  

I am not advocating it by any means but the at the end of the day if that phone ain't ringing, she is going to bend her rules. For some girls this is their primary source of income until they find something else to do (which I sincerely hope that each and everyone does do). There is so much of supply of providers, that if some guy finds a provider's screening too onerous, he can replace her in matter of hours with another hottie. Its easy for you to replace a client with a new one because you can just go and hire some hottie..But the provider can't change her looks or age..Somehow your Wednesday afternoon musings completely skip over that part of the equation.

Also, lets not ignore the fact lot of girls will use our private information to blackmail us and put us on Blacklists for stupidest reasons. On national black list in Louisiana, I saw a provider put a guy on there because he was apparently too FAT for her and she could not service him. Since when is being TOO fat a crime.. That's one of the reasons why guys would not want to give away their personal information.  And somehow your post completely skips over this aspect too...

Just adding one more dimension to the WHY...Also, talking in general terms because I don't know the details of "who" did "what" to "whom"...  

PMs are welcome...

*Edited for Grammar..

-- Modified on 4/24/2013 5:19:10 PM

This was exactly the shot in the arm I needed, the wake-up call, and the validation of "You did the right thing, girl."

I am new to the DC area. I am not, however, new to this. My screening requirements are clearly laid out on my website as well as on my Slixa page and another review site.

I received an email from an interested party. I laid out my screening requirements. He ignored them twice, and just kept talking about what HE wanted. Third time around, I firmly laid out the information I needed. It was then he finally admitted he wouldn't give me "private information". He then suggested I go to his references. I stood my ground. He went on and on how he was "safe" and I was just nervous because I was "new" (which he referred to several times, which became a red flag). I finally said, "I have my way of doing things, period. I don't care how many references you throw at me, I still need the minimum information I requested. If you are not willing to abide by my screening requirements, I suggest you move on." Needless to say, I haven't received any more emails from him.

This has been nagging at me for days. Should I have gone by his Date-check references alone? Should I have "given in" a little? But now that I have read this, I am proud that I stood firm. Broke, but proud, lol.  

There are so many stories out there of how things have gone terribly wrong, and more stories come out every day. So this guy had a bunch of "recommends" on Date-check-- would I be that ONE person who wasn't careful enough, just took him at his word, and ended up robbed or hurt or worse? And if something did happen and I blacklisted him, would anyone believe me or think it was just "sour grapes" over money or service or something? I'd rather be considered "slightly difficult" rather than raped or dead.  

There are many providers who require full legal name and check IDs. I'm one of them. Being lazy or careless, whether on the provider or the hobby end, can spell disaster. Although I don't have a lot of reviews here, I am very well reviewed on another site. And ALL those gentlemen gave me the info I requested.  

Again Lee, thank you so much for writing about this and reminding us that we simply cannot get complacent.

I think you need to re-read the post. It was about her choices and how she choose to buy into a belief system which few providers question. It wasn't about money or needing to pay the bills, it was about her testing and learning for herself what she will ultimately believe. Will she listen to me or do what everyone else does when it comes to some issues. Ultimately, she will figure that out for herself. The Fat thing is a bit random,  however ok.....

I don't address it because it has nothing to do with what I was talking about.  This post was about her experiencing the consequences of choosing to "spoon feed" a client as opposed to walking way. Up until then the "why" I taught her   was abstract and not real. After all as her new provider friends would tell her what do I know, I'm just a man and a Agency owner; what could I possibly have to teach her. I only have to deal with 'everything that can happen' in this industry and then have working answers for the women who work with me.  Ironically, these same new friends have been robbed and worse she has just found out.  As I say, truth is often proven by results.  

I don't know it all nor do I think I do. I merely pay attention to actions, results and consequences.  

It wasn't about you, it wasn't about clients, it wasn't about me, it was about choice, belief systems and consequences. An insight to aspects one would normally not see.

No more, No less.

 
 Lee Dreams
"Sine amore, nihil est vita

So true.  Well said.

that when the business is slow, the girls are forced to give up their stringent screening practices because they gotta put food on the table and roof over their heads. You have more leverage as a business owner.  

I wasn't really commenting on your business practice. You have been running a successful business for many many years without any issues with LE, and have set up system for yourself which is great..But sometimes the girl may not have choice but to take that client..That's all I was trying to say....

My latter comment regarding BL was from hobbyist's vantage point. Sometimes there is a great deal of hesitance to give up personal info for the reasons that I elaborated... Again not a reflection on you or your practices or even your intentions of making the post..