I sooooooo didn't realize that asking a prospective new friend's racial background made me a bigot.

Maybe you should let everyone know. You probably have a good reason for it that doesn’t go to the extreme of being called a bigot. Maybe their name sounded interesting and you wanted to know. I get that all time and never offended by it.

You didn't realize you live in a country with a long history of denying people things based on their ethnicity?  You didn't realize that being interrogated about race in the course of doing business can invoke familiar feelings in people who've had to deal with discrimination?  You didn't realize "you're being hypersensitive" is what racists say when affected groups express their frustration with being excluded?  

Hope your day goes better Paige.

You should have it on your ad or website that you don’t see people of a particular race. That way, they don’t call you and you don’t ask uncomfortable questions.  

Clearly though this industry is different than your typical retail or service industry, so a provider should be able to dictate their “market”. Would you want to spend time with a provider with whom you may not receive an enthused performance? Wouldn’t you rather know up front and go with someone else, rather than they take your appt but give a half-hearted effort? I’ve been with providers who were clearly not “into it/me” & I wished every time I would’ve known so I could’ve spent my time/resources on someone more into it. Sounds like she’s being upfront & honest. Maybe some guys need thicker skins.

You're not making a counter argument to anything I've said.  It goes without saying that this is a different industry.  It is an industry, though, and it's not detached from society - so no one should be flabbergasted when they encounter the real world consequences of their business decisions.  And she can dictate her market all she likes, but she needs to be a big girl like that rest of us and accept what comes with her practices.

a provider has EVERY right to 'filter' whom she chooses to meet. Personal preference is a right.

I ask people to give me a description of themselves all the time because I want to know what the hell they look like and whose about to walk through my door. It's simple as that (even tho race, weight are not factors on who I will or won't see) and i'm equal opportunity as a mofo.  
I thought a physical description was a pretty normal tame part of the screening process.  
Unless you have some like clear anti-xyzrace policy I don't think that accusation should be thrown someone's way.  
He sounds like a sensitive ass ninny and I don't have time for that shit.  
Don't feel hurt....thicken your skin a little because it sounds like he needs to do the same.

For some reason I thought this question was asked in person, which would have been reasonable. A conversation starter, get to know you. If part of your screening process, then I would have taken it as being racist. I wouldn't have gotten mad. I would have said in a pretty curt tone, "You really should put that on your website that you don't see us". If you do see all nationalities, then I would say, "I'll see you, I just want to know who is walking in my hotel room so I know its the right person". Do you ask your clients if they are white?

At what point did you ask for race?

As a provider we are giving ourselves to our clients , in more ways than the obvious one. I have a right to know who is walking through my door and over onto me. Myself personally I don't ask race, honestly I  don't care. But if a lady wants to know, there is nothing wrong with that.  We have to keep ourselves safe.

it is more their issue, not yours. Move forward, try not to let this get you down. In the future ask away, realize it could also cull the client herd a bit - to what you are want.

If it's hurting her feelings like she claimed she might want to develop one.
True sometimes it's not what you say but how.  
However I'm not here to coddle anyone (esp some 40-something, 50-something, 60-something, 70-something yr old adult) through the screening process.
I asked because I want to know ... it's that simple.  
No need for name calling or accusations just like the guy she was talking to resorted too.  
Some people are mad sensitive...it is really that simple.
You can't control how people are to take something esp if it's in text (email, pm, phone) ... sometimes no matter how sweet or politely you phrase it to them (or rather you THOUGHT you phrased it).
I stroke dicks .... not egos.

He could have said "psh, racist," and moved the fuck on without further comment.  That would be about as dispassionate as one can get.  We can't say because the OP didn't provide much context (and probably never really intended to).  Her post exhibits the same pathology as a racist white chick being called racist white chick, though:  Isolate actions from real world circumstances?  Check.  Tell the accuser he's overly sensitive?  Check.  Invoke the colored friends defense?  Check.  Cry for sympathy?  Check.  

... but yes the part of "I would point out that there are numerous people of color, of various hues and various ethnicities in our family tree. Yes, most of them by marriage. But that doesn't make them any less family." did make me roll my eyes BUT mainly because I hate when people overexplain themselves (super cringey).  
Not so much that she added in "I have friends and family that aren't white" as if that would help disprove the guy's accusation (which a lot of wypipo don't seem to realize makes things looks worse).

-- Modified on 4/7/2018 4:07:59 AM

You've got much more faith in her assessment than I.  I've legit chuckled while mocking some clueless borderline racist shit a white person said, and still managed to be assessed as on the verge of murderous rage.  It's not uncommon for white people to vastly exaggerate the emotional state of 'exotic' races they encounter.  To them, you could be dressed like a court jester and still be menacing.  OP's story sounds all too familiar.  #NotConvinced

nothing to see here, just another foolish child lib calling someone a racist!

Says man responding to thread no one's listening to.