6 Secrets to the way women think

hat does a woman want ?” the great Freud asked in frustration. He went to his grave with no answer. Novelist Jihn Updike might have come as close to the truth as anyone. Above all he suggested,women want to dance

You might have as much chance of deciphering a woman’s thought  process as you would solving Fermat’s Last Theorem. Or even his Next-to-Last Theorem.

Innumerable attempts have been made to unravel the mystery of female behavior. All have ended in failure until now. Using my boundless sex appeal , I have managed to pry the secrets  from one of my ATFs.

Here are six mystifying quirks of female behavior that make the fair-and often unfair-sex both maddening and irresistible. Don’t bother trying to understand it. No  one has or ever will.

 
1. THEY DON’T DEAL

A handshake with a man is a sacred covenant, to be broken only on pain of death or serious injury. It is an agreement you can take to the bank, unless, of course you are dealing with a Hollywood producer. Shake hands with a woman and you do at your own risk… For example…..

 
XDOG: How come you are not packed? You agreed that we are going to move back to my hometown in Minnesota.

ATF: and freeze to death? Ar you crazy?

XDOG: We had a deal. We shook hands on it.

ATF: I meant it at the time

 
2. SECRET? FORGET IT!!

Entrust a secret to a male friend  and once again unless he is a Hollywood producer, the chances are that it will go no further. Share that same confidence with a woman and you might as well as broadcast it on CNN.

 
XDOG: When I told you about Bill’s affair with his hairstylist, you promised to keep it a secret. Now everyone in town knows about it and his wife just left him.

ATF: The only one I told was Linda.

XDOG: But she told six other people

ATF: Is it my fault she cant keep a secret?

3. THEY NEVER FORGET

Despite their vaunted reputation, elephants do occasionally forget something- an old bag of peanuts, a trainer they might have eaten. This is not the case with women. They forget nothing.

ATF (annoyed): How come you told me that my girlfriend Cindy is hot?

XDOG: When did I say that?

 
ATF: In Mexico. We were sitting around the pool. She was wearing a striped bikini.

XDOG:
Good God. That was 7 months ago.  

ATF: well, do you still think she is hot?

 
4. OR MAKE MISTAKES

Women are constitutionally unable to admit to making a mistake-even at the point of a gun. It is probably some kind of genetic malfunction. The last time a woman admitted to  a mistake was during the Byzantine Empire in the 14th century Constantinople. The woman in question, Fatima Abdullah , later recanted  and said it was a mistake to admit she’d made a mistake.

 
XDOG: How could you have gotten us into DumbTech? We bought at $60 a share and it is now down to 12 cents a share.

ATF: One of these days, that stock will go through the roof. Your problem is that you don’t think long term.

 
5. THEY DESPISE THEIR BODIES

There are men who are short, fat and bald-and they still have a high opinion of themselves. This is not the case with women. Outwardly vain, even the most spectacularly attractive member of the species feels that somehow appearance wise-she hasn’t made the grade.

XDOG:  (lustfully staring at ATF’s perfect body as she stands before a mirror)You look fabulous.

ATF: Do these jeans make butt look big?

Do not ever answer this question (Man rule 12)

6. THEY SNORE

 
Call it a crime against nature, but a surprisingly large number of women snore. Even otherwise flawless types, not just butterballs. But no woman will ever admit to it.

 
XDOG:  ( haggard from lack of sleep) Boy , You really raised the rafters last night. I didn’t get 10 minutes of sleep.

 
ATF: How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t snore.

XDOG: I’ve got proof. This time I recorded it. Listen to this. (Takes out cassette player)

ATF : (after listening) That’s not me. I cant believe you taped yourself snoring.

------------plagerized from the Interne