I couldn't imagine how bad it would feel if
a woman didn't answer the door when I knocked.
Being a rich rock star and  extremely handsome, I am  accustomed  to people opening doors and often tire of women chasing me .

 Think of the guy in the wheel chair. Only certain women will date him, doors slammed on him his whole life, children giving him the eye, and now his provider pick doesn't answer because his wheel chair  scared her.
 I hope you  call him and offer a free two hour.
It's the least you should do for stomping on his ego.
Even bad people can do the right thing sometimes.

It doesn't help him, by you telling us, how sorry you are.

You acted on instinct...its not the norm...don't stress too Much..nobody is perfect..it threw you off..

Let's hope the guy in the wheel chair isn't going on a pay back tour.

Sometimes people take vengeance when rejected.

I've had groupies cut up my clothes when I told them to leave.

 I hope the OP will do the right thing and give him a freebie to make up for the way she made him feel.
Look how some guys whine and cry over a no show and it isn't any problem for them to get around.
    Now put yourself in his chair and think how it feels when she is there and the door doesn't open.
I'm going to write a song about this .

Might have to make it a country song because it's damn sad story.

I feel like a really bad person right now. I dont know if its a normal response or what??
I owe what is probably a nice Gentleman a BIG apology! Im not sure why I froze and didnt answer the door.

I booked an appt and the gentleman showed up, but when he got to my door he was in a wheelchair.
I feel really bad!! As soon as I looked out the peephole I flashed back to a childhood memory of a guy that lived across the street, who was a paraplegic with tubes and bags and stuff attached to him. And I just froze at the door. WOW I really feel like I am a really bad person!!
Ive never really been in this situation in this business before. SMH.... Ive dealt with a few gents with disabilities but they usually tell me up front. I feel really bad! Like I am a real Bitch!! Should I call the guy or text him and maybe apologize and explain?? What would you do??

I am really very sorry!! I feel really bad!! So many things are going through my mind right now. I dont want to come acrossed as mean or cold hearted. Atleast I would like to think that Im not. I really think it just caught me off guard.

If he didn't warn you in advance, or ask if you would be OK with it, he's a little bit to blame for putting you in that situation. He should have given you the courtesy of a heads-up before showing up at your door. I know we're not supposed to treat people with disabilities differently, but having the information ahead of time would have given you time to process and not be caught off guard. It might have actually given you the ability to treat him the way he deserved because you had time to process the information.

If you knew ahead of time, then I can't really help you on this one.

life always has a way to throw us a curve ball. what you do about it is the most important thing. Call the gentleman and explain. I'm sure this is not the first time he has ecountered this situation. If you feel you cannot assist him, tell him, it would be cruel to leave him hanging. Just make provisions for the future to always inquire if there is a special need. JMHO

AZZ:

I will not judge you nor will I condemn you. I will however choose to commend you for owning up and stepping up. You had a human moment, we all have them as sometimes they are not pretty. I for one know this since I've spent 3/4 of my life on the receiving end.

Servicing the handicapped (or whatever the politically correct B.S term is these days I lose track ) is NOT easy.  I used to have three associates who where trained for it because I demand a higher level of awareness and now just one. Providers are human in all that entails, which means you WILL encounter some things or someone who fires off an emotional or spiritual trigger.

I would say call him and be forthright. Of course apologize, take responsibility, accountability and give him the gift of truth. This from one of my disabled clients: "There is nothing more insulting than when people think they are being kind by being politically correct with us. I'm in a f-ing wheel chair let's all not pretend it's not here. If you do, then I'll pretend I can walk!"

Also consider, this kind of client service is something you may not be able to do. If so, be honest with yourself and with him. I suspect in the long run he "may" respect you more for it.

Lastly, stop punishing yourself......and if you can't call me I have these two really great matched floggers to give you 40 lashes.... *smiles* (humor)

But seriously, thank you for sharing and I hope you'll be ok.


Sincerely,

Lee Dreams
"Sine amore, nihil est vita"

I don't think you are a bad person at all. And don't feel sorry for you as well as for the that person ( although he will be really pissed). You have done what your instincts told you to do it at that moment. It shows how inexperienced  and vulnerable you are for the situations that need more courage to deal with it. You should not repent on your actions but should always makes these actions the base for your new actions. If you think you have done bad thing, don't repeat it. It is good idea to call that person and apologize but it may aggravate his situation or may be your situation more.
Damage has been done , you can not repair it. To keep in your mind, it is not going to help you more. If you think calling is good idea, go for it whatever you think right but forgetting is best deal and learn from your mistakes.
BTW, I don't buy the idea that any person should give you or anybody heads off for any shortcoming he has because that person never thought like that way.

I've difficulty getting around as well. I use cane. I'm only 30 yrs old, but an autoimmune disease has weakened me to the extent that I can't drive or walk anymore. I do let providers know that I have a disability. He should have let you know that he has disability and uses wheelchair; also you should have opened the door.

That being said, do call him and let him know that you are SORRY. I'm sure he will be able to understand...

-- Modified on 8/12/2011 6:17:36 PM

As someone else with a disability, I do think he should have told you, he's risking just this sort of encounter by not being upfront about what providers can or cannot offer.  I also think you should stress that it was primarily the result of a personal experience you had that may color your perception, people with disabilities are made to feel unattractive enough as it is.

I echo locke's comments. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a good looking man. I hobby because I am unable to get a girlfriend. Who is going to date me? There are tons of guys who can kick my ass to the curb when it comes to looks. Thankfully, I make enough money to engage in the hobby. Also, hobby allows me to escape in the world where I am made to feel good about myself

Thank you all soooo... much! I hope he is as understanding as you all have been.
I really truly think that I was caught off guard. I think if I had time to process it prior, that
I would have acted differently. I still be bad. Im sure he is a very nice gent. In the past gentlemen have always let me know. I am gonna take this as a learning experience and use it to make me a better person in the future. I kinda understand a handicap, believe it or not when dating this lifestyle is a chosen one. Cause men dont seem to be gung-ho about dating and getting serious with a girl in this business.

Thank you again everyone.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

HUGS!!!

You might want to consider his response to your call.

Suppose he wants to meet with you still?  Are you willing to, and if so, what are you willing to do to make it happen?

If he does want to see you, and you are willing to see him, it's a good time to ask him what kind of accommodations you need to make for him to feel comfortable (and wanted).

Of course, he might tell you to F-off.  Be prepared for that as well, with as respectful a reply as you sincerely can.

I applaud your sensitivity.

Hi,

I have made a lot of mistakes myself.  I try to make it right in the best way I know how.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

One person didn't tell me he was missing a limb.  Kinda scared me.  It worked out.

Another person had a "bag" other than his nervousness about the "bag" it was a wonderful experience.

I think I would love to crawl my lithe body up on a wheel chair and go for a ride anywhere on them.  Although, not being forewarned before hand would be uncomfortable.

One person I am embarr"assed" to say I ran from when I cut the corner to meet him and he was half my size....wtf  Shrink wrapped....He could of warned me.....  We ended up having a great time later... Pleasant person...

The ones I have encountered with the worst disabilities are the ones that don't have any visual body problems. Although, they come in with prejudices, which is a shame. No pun intended.... Considering they contacted me.

Have a great evening....

Pn

It takes lots of guts to come forward and admit the mistake. Most people would have taken the easy road and came up with some excuse.

Wow -- I'm a retired USAF guy from the Cold War era, so, I am still functional in the traditional sense.  I would encourage providers and hobbyists alike to rent this movie.  Bruce Dern played a paraplegic "coming home" from Viet Nam.  He hooked up with Jane Fonda for reasons I don't remember.  One of the most memorable scenes of the movie (and one I still get chills about today) was the sex scene.  Because of his paralysis, the Bruce Dern character could not achieve an erection.  Knowing this, the scene depicted Dern performing oral sex on Jane Fonda and her achieving an orgasm orally.  Wow -- I still get chills thinking about it!

We I ever to be in this situation, the notion of bringing a woman to a nuclear orgasm orally would be incredible.

So, providers, if you encounter a disabled vet, please let him ravage you the only way he can.  You will feel terrific and he will be truly blessed more than you can fathom.

All people need loved. We are bodies and souls also. We can't help what bodies we are born with or what tragedy may strike in our life to leave us disabled. If a guy who's shunned in everyday life can't find acceptance with even a provider... Then can you imagine how he feels? That's the lowest feeling a guy can have Who's paying to feel accepted. Not cool. Always live by the idea of "how would I feel if I was in his shoes?" that's your answer to everything then in this life. Always put yourself I'm someone's shoes.

-- Modified on 8/12/2011 2:01:33 PM

She must of been kidding...

problem of fighting women away, I'm not afforded a judge-ship as you are from your lofty perch.

Yes, what she did seems wrong to most of us.  The tale of the tape will be in how she handles (handled?) this going forward.  She obviously recognizes her mistake, which says to me she that her conscience is in gear, albeit about three minutes too late.

It's now about whether she suppresses her conscience or not.

I also believe that, in fairness, gents ought to be up front about any unique accommodations that may be required.

With all the above said, it's worth mentioning here that every lady has the absolute right to refuse WHOMEVER she wants, for whatever reason.  Doing so in this situation was unfair to both the lady and the gent.  





-- Modified on 8/13/2011 6:21:30 AM

what a horrible post.
I think the person (client) should have forewarned the lady so she could have prepared herself. Its his fault as much as hers. At least she is publically admitting her shortcomings and trying to sort through her feelings. I don't know too many people without them (shortcomings).
Kudos to you hon!

I didn't name her specifically for her privacy reasons, and to avoid this thread being mistaken for a shill post,
but you & CSJ both know who I'm talking about.

During our conversations, she told me that one of her favorite client is this paralyzed old dude on a wheel chair, a guy who can not walk on his own that she has to help to and from the bed. Although she didn't react the way OP reacted, I'm sure she was at least a little bit freaked out initially.
I mean lets be honest, what gorgeous girl wouldn't?  However, she saw a lot of character and positive traits in him that he turned out to be one of her favorite client.

It makes me really think, providers like her are not only exceptionally beautiful outside but also very beautiful in the inside too.

I've had a number of gents tell me in advance of their disabilities. I appreciate that so I can assure them that I love them regardless (and warn them about the stairs if necessary).  Years ago I dated a gorgeous hunk who was paralized from the waiste down, bag and all.  He had the BEST TONGUE!

I know who you mean, though.

How many astronomically drunk people are on the DC board??? lmao

Will PM you anyway. lol

I agree...He should have told her he was in a wheelchair.... Maybe she did not want that type of noticeable activity at her incall. Still the reaction was not too professional. And HE Should be receiving the apology...Not TER

Goes to show how some don't respond or think well under pressure....

Someone reffered me to this thread. They were using it to explian that it was ok to not see "certain people".  I read this post and it is not freezing, a humam moment, or being caught off guard. It is the definition of prejudice, and a few shades of discrimination. That part is not in debate. The part I am more shocked at is all these people said it was ok and nothing bad. Disrimination is is discrimination no matter how you label or it. The attempt to justify it is even worst, but it seems like prejudice and discrimination are acceptable in 2017.

It's probably a good idea to apologize to him and possibly explain what happened. There's all sorts of stuff that affecting people and it's donsent have to be with malice. I'm sure he still may be hurt by the situation, but it may set him a bit at ease knowing it wasn't anything he had done.  

Must be a leap year bug in the software.

It's happening on all the boards where threads from over a decade ago are being revived because some one digs them up and posts a reply on them.

I agree. The fact that she posted here was really weird.  

It was in inside software developers joke. Sorry, of course they need to address their algorithm for the real world. However, don't blame the programmer. He was, I am sure, writing to spec.

... was posted 6 years ago they definitely have me beat lol. I have remembered stuff that was posted here 4 years ago but never thought to resurrect it. LOL

so did you call him and tell him why ?

Look you can see or not see who you want. The problem is she wasted time. If she posted no disabled people I am sure he would not have called. People post their dislikes, preferences, limits, pre judgements, or whatever you call it all the time.  I am sure people that don't fit someone's requirements  don't waste time if they know someone will not see them. If she listed her requirements she would not have had that moment at the door. Just time wasting. That's what gets me.