Don't out her. Use the back channel to let people know what is going on.

I have been asked to write reviews but write them for this and many other reasons, especially what happened this past fall when folks were outed.

If you have a provider friend let her know what is going on so she can clear you name. Some of the higher quality dns sites can see BS and get things cleaned up without you having do anything.

Sounds like the damage you can inflict on her is tremendously more than the damage she can inflict on you.  Handle with care.

I'd first try to talk some sense into this girl. If all else fails, tell eveyone you care about "through backchannel" who this biyatch is so they don't run into the same situation.

Honestly, If it was me, and I tried everything but she still didn't budge,  I'd blast the biyatch publicly like there's no tomorrow and put her where she belongs... See how she likes the taste of her own medicine. lol But that's just me.

This is another reason why the review system needs an overhaul...

This is an old story from when I was more plugged in to the scene.

A hobbyist friend I met socially was interested in seeing someone privately whom he had seen on those social occasions. A few gentlemen and ladies knew of his interest. He got highly conflicting information about her that was PMed or emailed from several gentlemen and ladies. Some was very positive: she's no problem and great fun. Others had experiences like yours or even worse. It was difficult for him to sort through the contradictions and make a decision and what tipped it was a little slip by the provider herself.

The RO board is a great resource for this if you can get to it.

Now the only time I had ever been thoroughly messed with by a provider was initially _within a session_. So it became a legitimate part of my review. Several folks with ties to that lady persuaded me to pull that review, which I regret to this day.

Once the review was pulled she really went to town with some very colorful stories that were simply not true. I was clued in by some providers and clients.

Good luck. Let folks know. Once you do, don't alter or remove the record of what happened like I did. She may come back with a vengeance if you try "forgive, forget, erase". I'm all for "forgive and forget" but erasure sets you up for more grief.

You need to identify her [stage name only], to serve others. You also need to protect the innocent other popular local providers, to avoid guessing/rumors, [as there are not so many locals].

Otherwise, your post has no pertinence.

Re: Real power is not in what you can afford to do

But in what you can choose NOT to.

I understand the feelings.  Very recently went through events that caused me to have a number of revenge fantasies. Some of them were very much "doable".  I chose to keep them what they are .. fantasies.

Once initial anger is gone, think how you can mitigate the damage and go for best revenge of them all - living well.

so why would one be mad. I could see if you told her you were going to give her a 10/10 & recanted  during your review(no reason to blacklist someone) What you could do is PM every one who asks you her stage name, but you can NEVER OUT any one, provider or hobbyist.

Simple enough, I'd post up copies of the PM's, to show the convo.  Then out the provider (stage name)    I think that is the best you can do.  anything else would probably be petty and won't help your case. Though it may make you feel better !

How I feel, not nessisarily what I would do

I'm sorry but to quote Colette

I'm more Larry Holmes than Sherlock Holmes but I'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about, there is enough info in the post to narrow it down, and if I'm right, the review you wrote was very positive. Her scores are great and any TER regular is savy enough to know that an 8 mixed in with 9s and 10s coupled with a positive review is just a personal preference issue.

This further highlights how much trust we place in each other as clients and providers. The information we share can do a lot of damage in the wrong hands. I'm as average as they come, neither wealthy nor powerful, but were I outed it would ruin my life. I was not planning on seeing this seemingly sweet girl anyway, but even the accusation that this is possible guarantees it.

Finally, to any provider who is that concerned with their scores, you should just tell us. I've dealt with customer surveys before and sometimes running a great business isn't enough to generate maximum scores, you need to ask for the score. Of course, the performance still has to back it up, but I'm telling you this strategy works.

For some reason, Fugly and the TER gods have allowed us to continue this discussion, but if we don't exercise a little self control, we may loose that privilege.  As the OP, I have a small favor to ask.  If you are mostly interested in speculating about who the provider is, please either do that privately or start your own thread.  If this were meant to be an "out the provider" thread we could have named her up front in the first post and saved a lot of time.  This topic is about the best course of action to deal with an especially crappy situation and what you would do or recommend doing in these circumstances.

As an example, is there a way to turn this around, to give the provider an option to fix things somehow?  If it were you, would you be satisfied with some course of action that did not require outing her?  If so, what would those conditions be?

Appreciate all the feedback.

Do you want me to keep silent about it
Or are you cool with me warning my fellow buddies about her?

That's what TER is all about. It's about us guys helping each other out by reviewing, and sharing our experiences with, the ladies.

OK, i'm annoyed: this is starting to stink

either out her stage name here or on the RO board.

once you start asking the board for ways for her to make it up to you it sounds like you may be in the wrong. you may be using the flap on the board as a way to pressure her to do something.

i'm starting to smell fishiness.

I somehow feel that there is more to the story than what's going on here.

I truly doubt that a popular provider would risk her reputation over the difference between an 8 and a 10 on a single review.

The story simply doesn't add up.

At a minimum she would have lost your business by blacklisting you. If she did this simply out of spite... well then hell yeah she needs to move to a new area.

I suggest both parties talk to a third party moderator to figure out what REALLY happened and then clear the air.

my .02

Let it go.  Move on with your life.  Revenge only drops you down to her petty level.  Be a man and move on.  

I mean seriously, WTH! That is really tacky.That's all I can say.

Where's Paul Harvey with the "rest of the story"

There seems to be some gaps.  

1. The black list sites I'm familiar with (Provider Buzz/National Blacklist) are member (provider) only and password protected.
2. How did you even know that you were listed on them?
3. How did you access the account without being a verified provider member?

Even if I accept your story, outing the personal info of someone that has your personal info and that already has demonstrated that she's unbalanced is not wise.  As Colette said, if you leave her with nothing to lose she will be inclined to do the same for you.  

I'm trying real hard not call bullshit...trying.  There are some critical facts we're not getting.  

If you were going to do something other than vent, you would have done something.
I am so shocked that this could happen.  After all, when you meet a provider's screening requirements by providing personal information, it's for  YOUR protection, isn't it?  Isn't that the standard rationale offered by providers?
Reasons #1 through 100 why you should never ever give your personal information to anyone associated with this hobby.

We've heard the full spectrum of opinions, I think.  I'm slowly emerging from my incendiary phase.

For the questions about access to the blacklist site, an account was actually purchased so the full report could be seen.  TER has also seen it.  TER has also seen the full PM thread and knows exactly what's going on (why do think this discussion thread has survived?).  The bullshit factor here is zero.  To another recent post I saw about why would a well-reviewed provider do something so rash and senseless, only to jeopardize her professional circumstances, I couldn't agree more; it was a completely reckless act.

There are a number of opinions on the table, to include (1) be a man and walk away silently, (2) be a man and just napalm the bitch already, and (3) give her an opportunity to make it right.

I have certainly fucked up in the past, not quite like this, but I've made plenty of mistakes.  I've always been grateful when I'm offered a way to turn it around.  If this can be fixed by the provider doing the right thing, why not go that route?  I'm thinking this person should be offered 2 options.

Option 1 - Clean up your mess.

Option 2 - Live with the consequences.

The 'Clean up your mess' option would at a minimum require the deletion of the national blacklist report, a formal apology to TER and a statement of intent to TER promising to never do anything like this again.  If so inclined, a really classy apology would include restoring the white list and other references she retracted.

The 'Live with the consequences' option would include the disclosure of her provider name on the RO board in reference to this thread (with TER's concurrence) and a request to TER to ban her from the site.  TER's formal position on this can't be predicted, but I think it should be requested as a consequence of her unwillingness or inability to clean up her mess.

This is how I plan to proceed.  Thank you for your feedback and interest.  I'm out.