Nearly impossible to prevent with high degree of safety. Yes, use a condom, as this will likely lower transmission rates.
Wash or shower below the navel ASAP afterwards.
Trade-offs: Avoid BBBJ, DFK . DATY with a dental dam. This might be too much to ask for some men.
Also, antivral meds taken daily in small dose can prevent transmission by those who are already carriers.
Ok, I’ve done some research and figured out the following:
The CDC doesn’t recommend testing for herpes without physical signs of infection (sores). The reasoning is that behavior has not been shown to change for people aware of the infection. I get that but I disagree for most of our (the hobby) population.
I typically get STI tested regularly at a local clinic which is relatively low cost, but clinics tend to take the CDC advice and don’t even offer a herpes blood test. So now in addition to the other STI tests I get from the clinic, I go directly to a diagnostic company like Quest and get the HSV1-2 test which costs $99 without an insurance and takes 1-3 days for results.
Nearly half of the US population carries HSV1 and 12% carry HSV2. Rates are higher overseas. Note that HSV1 is not an STI if you have it orally (around your mouth usual, shows itself as “cold sores), but you can get HSV1 in your genitals and in that case it’s an STI just like HSV2. I have not been able to determine if you can transfer your own oral HSV1 to your genitals. But you can certainly get HSV1 on your genitals from oral sex with someone carrying oral HSV1 - This for me was a startling finding.
Big picture: Herpes, though incurable, has little negative impact on the overall health of the infected. However, if you are attached, infection could cause relationship problems depending on the level of openness between partners regarding other/outside sex partners.
Further, I think it would be appropriate for providers and hobbyists to communicate to each other prior to meeting if they carry HSV1 or 2. I would imagine that most people in the hobby carry one or the other strain (i.e. probably at higher rates than the general population). Given the low negative health effects, and high prevalence, infection should not carry a negative stigma. However, assuming most people would prefer to avoid either strain of herpes and that someone with either strain would be less concerned with exposure to a partner carrying the same strain(s), sharing knowledge of herpes infection between providers and hobbyists should be encouraged.
I was talking recently to an old girlfriend with whom I was intimate (including lots of dfk) about 50 times, and she confessed to having oral HSV1 (the non-std that about half of Americans have). She said she is always careful not to kiss people (her kids, anyone), when she has cold sores, which she gets maybe once a year. The research I’ve read says you can contract HSV1 from skin to skin contact regardless of sores. However I was recently tested and do not have HSV1, so that tells me that HSV is a bit harder to transmit than I’d feared.
