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A footnote or two
Third_Time_Charm 393 reads
posted

If the lady sees evidence with her own eyes that she is being stalked that's one thing. If it is all second hand, that's very different. I speak from personal experience.  

I became rather fond of a lady in the biz and discovered that she and I had mutual friends outside the biz some of whom were friends of both and some were clients/friends of hers who were hostile to me interests. (Real world business, not hobby.) These WKs would tell her tales about me that were false. It became a situation where she decided to no longer see me. After some difficulty accepting that, I finally did. It has been years since there was any direct contact initiated by me.

But 3rd parties seem intent on stirring up crap. One was a retired lady in the biz who recently (few of months ago) told me the latest story that these WKs had carried to the lady in question. She encouraged me to get in touch with that lady again.

No way. Call me paranoid, but it could be an attempt to get me to do something that could be construed as stalking. I am not interested in falling into some trap set by some jealous clients who are also competitors in the real world.

So now for the footnotes:
1) If a lady sees evidence with her own eyes of stalking she needs to decide if the stalker is a wacko. If so then she may need to risk getting a restraining order for her personal safety as lesser risk than physical harm. If the stalker isn't a wacko, then simply ignoring him is best.
2) If a lady only hears second hand stories that someone is stalking her then she needs to ignore the "friends" that are stirring up trouble by telling her that stuff. If it's no longer in the interest of her friends to get rewarded for being dramatic, they'll quit

Sbzpta1391 reads

It is generally accepted that there be a certain amount of trust between providers and hobbyists - that the provider gives a service and the hobbyist pays for that service.  It is a business relationship with a bit of personal service.

Understandably there are times when this business relationship goes further - whether it is one sided or both parties feeling that way.

The issue here is when it is one sided, specifically the hobbyist falling for the provider.

The hobbyist then uses personal information of the provider to threaten her with exposure to her family and friends if she is not exclusive to him.  Then he goes one step further and shows up at personal events and even starts to follow her.

What can that provider do?  Is this something that is generally accepted as a risk of the trade?

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SinCitySinner454 reads

How did your personal info land in his hands? Did you share it yourself or did he steal it? If you shared it yourself, then perhaps a lesson learned.  

Anyways, you can talk to him and tell him to back off. You might want to go and get a restraining order against him.  

I know a little bit about restraining orders in Virginia.  If you are not in VA, and in MD or DC, you might want search it on Internet to get basic info.  

1. You will have to provide information on him before the court can issue one
2. You will have to appear in front of a judge for a hearing, and provide letters, recordings, email... Any proof.  
3. You don't need an attorney. But its always a great idea to get one. It makes stuff a lot easier. Your life and safety are far more important than money spent on legal counsel.  

Last but not the least.. If you don't have a CWW (Concealed Carry Weapon) license and you think you can qualify for one, you might want to look into it.  

Good luck to you.

-- Modified on 3/13/2014 6:08:22 PM

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Third_Time_Charm445 reads

But there are often two sides to a story. Do you really know that there is stalking involved as you described? If you are a 3rd party not directly involved staying out is best.

Real instances of stalking happens and are unfortunate. But there are times when it is all drama and fictional. For instance I know that WKs of a provider will often go out of their way to stir up stuff. This a reason why RO board leaks.  

I have heard credible stories from providers about problem clients who cannot detach. But I've also experienced problems with oddly jealous WK clients who'll interfere with another provider-client relationship and even being a nuisance to the client.

Most of the ladies have some interest in discretion and can handle a stalking situation quietly. Ignoring works. If you are a lady trying to handle such a situation, try to be as patient as possible and do nothing but ignore, ignore, ignore.

If you are a 3rd party butting in, butt back out. You cannot possibly help and may make the situation much worse. If you want drama, buy a ticket and go to the theater.

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escape_coauthor394 reads

Third Time's comments are wise. There are two sides to every story. And that does not mean the truth is somewhere in between what he vs she says.   It means, at least, No one, but THEM, knows what's been stated in person, email, voice messages, etc or, equally important, otherwise done, given, said and shared behind close doors, which has led them to where they may be (or one (or both:) think(s) they are)!    NB if post is by lady, and it's clear it's all one-sided and clearly you got, to use a metaphor, the "better hand," out him by his handle here.

-- Modified on 3/13/2014 4:19:10 PM

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Third_Time_Charm394 reads

If the lady sees evidence with her own eyes that she is being stalked that's one thing. If it is all second hand, that's very different. I speak from personal experience.  

I became rather fond of a lady in the biz and discovered that she and I had mutual friends outside the biz some of whom were friends of both and some were clients/friends of hers who were hostile to me interests. (Real world business, not hobby.) These WKs would tell her tales about me that were false. It became a situation where she decided to no longer see me. After some difficulty accepting that, I finally did. It has been years since there was any direct contact initiated by me.

But 3rd parties seem intent on stirring up crap. One was a retired lady in the biz who recently (few of months ago) told me the latest story that these WKs had carried to the lady in question. She encouraged me to get in touch with that lady again.

No way. Call me paranoid, but it could be an attempt to get me to do something that could be construed as stalking. I am not interested in falling into some trap set by some jealous clients who are also competitors in the real world.

So now for the footnotes:
1) If a lady sees evidence with her own eyes of stalking she needs to decide if the stalker is a wacko. If so then she may need to risk getting a restraining order for her personal safety as lesser risk than physical harm. If the stalker isn't a wacko, then simply ignoring him is best.
2) If a lady only hears second hand stories that someone is stalking her then she needs to ignore the "friends" that are stirring up trouble by telling her that stuff. If it's no longer in the interest of her friends to get rewarded for being dramatic, they'll quit

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escape_coauthor324 reads

You lost me a bit Third Time, but I understand broader point. Not just clients sometimes, but providers (hate the term) that stir the part.  Hope I don't feel a need to vent someday, but providers that "partner" (share space, clients etc) with other ladies sometimes (frequently) have their own agenda that relates to the dollar.  My view, Karma catches everyone that otherwise think they can escape the consequences of their manipulations of others.

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Third_Time_Charm273 reads

You have to be willing to see what works and what doesn't. I've found with the 3rd party clients and providers involved in my situation that quietly ignoring doesn't seem to work. It's usually the best solution, but not always.

The folks involved tend to quiet down and leave me alone when I post a reminder on the topic on the boards. So pardon the repetition of an old story. It's my way of getting a little slice of "getting left alone time." It's the only thing that seems to work.

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Tobi Telford353 reads

Document EVERYTHING. I suggest getting in touch with your local domestic violence/stalking/sexual assault advocacy organization (where I live, it's Women Helping Women...I'm sure DC has something similar). They'll be able to help. Feel free to PM me as well, if you'd like. I know how terrorizing this kind of thing is.

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escape_coauthor178 reads

Agree. Works both ways. Document everything. Woman that claimed repatedely she loved me and had exit strategy from her hubby, later claimed I did things I did not. 150 k in an uncovered intercourse sex with this J lady it ends, no real explanation, many lies, hubby who she claimed she'd leave for me and had exit strategy from, rules it seems. I got played by her and him. She'd call me everyday but later said I was doing things that croosed lines. Again, firsy 50 k in or 2d she did not object. Indeed, uttered those L woeprds repatedely, the stiffied me. More later naming her cause I was not only guy/client having uncovered intercourse with her!

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