I hate to write this.  I know every situation is different, every individual is different.  Generalization is difficult … maybe even unfair.  But I do get a bit tired of getting tarred by providers that make a mistake and then want to blame it on the client.  To the extent, I am sure, that they go to their secret “provider blacklist boards” and try to punish clients that ask a fair question.  What is OUR recourse?  We pay.  We try to be good clients.  We appreciate the fantastic women out there that add bright spots to our lives.  What do you do when some lady has a bad day and feels like unleashing a vendetta?

Am I being unfair?  I’ve been a hobbyist for 20+ years and had 90% very-good-to-great experiences.  The other 10% have been a mixed bag … from a rip-off artist that squirted me with pepper spray (seriously?) and ran out with my money to "no-shows" to "I-wish-they-hadn’t-showed".  Comes with the territory I guess.

What’s surprising though is when a highly rated and top dollar provider goes funny on you … and then doubles down by getting angry at you when you ask about it.  This one throws me for a loop … this is an established provider.  You can find her on all the Mid-Atlantic (DC, VA, Carolinas) ad boards (lot of Duos) and different discussion boards.  5 roses for 90 mins … I’m not chasing some bargain discount.  Here is a provider that comes highly reviewed and extremely highly thought of … 45 reviews since starting in Sep 2016 and nothing but 9’s and 10’s … an occasional 8 thrown in for laughs.  You can imagine that puts her in pretty elite company --- I was working my way down the Top Providers list in DC and didn’t have to go all that far.  What could go wrong?

So, of course, I’m willing to go the extra mile for a provider like this.  I have tried to avoid such complex screening situations by focusing on adding Pref 411 Oks lately (don’t love them, but it ‘generally’ removes some awkwardness for both parties).  I’ve collected nearly 20 in the last 12 months.  Still, she has one of those very ‘special’ processes (“I don’t accept this or that … I need you to fill out my form on my site”).  Ugh!  HATE the requirement but … I submit.  This is a TOP provider.  Obviously others have done the same --- real name, phone number, ethnicity/age/weight, occupation, handles & refs + meeting requests.  20 minutes spent trying to work through a poorly working input form … and then her online form won’t submit properly.  All to hell.  &$!%   As a work around, I send all that info as an email.  Still, she has an issue.  The cell # I use is registered to a business (it’s my work phone & all I have).  She needs something different she can verify. EGAAADS!!  I dig up an alternative number from my online bill (my hotspot) so she can verify.  Not enough.  Now she wants an email from my work email addy --- I’ve gone so far at this point (she’s got me!), I would have sent that as well (in for a penny …), but I overlooked the request (buried at the bottom of her email).  While all of this happens in the course of rapid fire back and forth emails and texts over three hours … suddenly, complete silence.  While I’ve given of my SOUL and told a meeting should be ‘no problem’, suddenly … CRICKETS. What?!?!

I ask several times … “anything else you need”.  I try calling.  Email.  P411 PM.  Finally I just say, “can you just please confirm we are OFF so I can move on?”  Nothing.  Of course, I did give up and move on (thank goodness for agencies) … puzzled, frustrated, peeved … WHY did I share all that info?  I know she “needs it for her safety” but now … what about me?   Aaaargh.  

It doesn’t sit well with me, so, the next morning I decide to follow up …  

“Help me out here.  What did I do wrong?

Have to say, I’m not so pleased at how much personal info I got asked for and shared, how much time I put into responding to your questions and trying to do it all your way ... in part because I believed that, once you saw my P411 info you'd realize I was legit and because you told me upfront, "yes, we'll be able to get together tonight" so I busted my ass to get you what you needed ...

And then, you go radio silent on me?  Not even a courtesy, "sorry, if you don't have 'x', I can't see you".

I am a bit miffed.  Your requirements are a bit extensive.  I am an established hobbyist.  I did all you asked for as best I could ... and I get the silent treatment.  What gives?”

She responds back:  
“I don’t care you you seen 4,100, 400 provider. I request the information that I need to feel confortable.  You didn’t provide what I asked for. I never got the email from your work.  and… not all ladies think you are as trustworthy as you thing. “

Crap --- now she’s getting personal … implying that former companions of mine are talking crap about me?  I say …

”Just asking that you treat someone decently.  Going from active communication to radio silent is just plain rude.
All I'm saying, you have every right to not see me or anyone you are not comfortable with.  Communicate.  Not too much to ask. NO problem you want to turn me down. Would have been GREAT to see you, but I understand it's not always a match.  

I do my very best to be a good client and I just ask to be treated with basic decency.  I try to do that with all providers and think that's only fair.  

Too much to ask?”

Obviously she didn’t take too kindly to that and now wants to threaten me …

“I you followed MY instructions, and you sent me your email from your work… (like I asked you but you didn’t do)…things would be different.  NOW, with all the demanding emails I am soooo thankful I didn’t see you. Now, please go back to work (I found your work email already and/or IP address)…. just in case you keep bothering me again.”

WTF.  I know I should drop it, but I decide to leave it with …

“I gave you tons of info.  Just saying, you don't have to be mean about it.  A simple "no" would have done wonders for goodness sakes.  Why leave a guy hanging?  Just goofy.”

Ok, so I know she surely went back and blacklisted me places.  Providers can do that.  What can clients do?  

Did I do wrong?  I don’t know.  I wasn’t perfect.  Probably should have let it go, but seriously?  You can’t  just nicely say,  “sorry, can’t see you tonight” (or make up an excuse)?   Even after sharing all my info, and realizing that it’s a hose job, I’d let it go.  Snarly?  Hard to take.  That’s NOT right.  

And now, I’m sure she goes back to the Blacklist Boards to try to go screw up my future opportunities.  Says crap about me with impunity.  Laughing.  What’s my recourse?  I can’t write a bad review … she and I never met.  What does fairness look like here?  

Thoughts?

We all have our levels of comfort and when we screen, we screen as if our lives depended on it.  Often they do.  She has not ripped you off, she has not no showed on you.  She is simply doing what works for her.  You have no idea if she blacklisted you.  Blacklists are reserved for dangerous individuals, so don't speculate.  Btw, I have no clue who you are speaking about, but just saying

I’ve just moved here from Phoenix. So I don’t know the ways of the land yet. I personally find comfort in P411 clients that have a history on there. I also require a phone call. Personally I never liked contacting other providers or asking for work info. Most of my clients are older married men. That’s just me. I have some tools I use to verify some information. I take huge risks we all do. The whole reason I require phone calls is to feel more comfortable. I think you can spot an unkind person over a phone conversation. If she was rude and threatening during the screening process then she did you a favor by not seeing you. Chemistry is everything in this. I doubt she blacklisted you over missing a piece of her requirements. Also if she is one of the top ten providers she is most likely very busy with clients and probably moved on to someone else and has already forgotten.  

XOXOXO  
Eden

No prob. Screen all you want.  We can choose to go along or pass. Common decency says if you don't want to meet, especially after sharing all my personal info and after jumping through hoops, tell me. Done. Move on. All I did was ask, "what went wrong?"  

BTW, my understanding is that blacklists can be used for no shows, rudeness, poor hygiene, etc.  No way to know for sure as a client or to know who is trying to wreck your reputation for personal reasons.  Just wondering if we need our own Client-only version so we can share similar info.  Would be fair and at least create some balance.

Most reputable ladies use blacklists for the right reasons, although rudeness, no shows and poor hygiene certainly qualify.  No one wrecks your reputation but yourself (not meaning you specifically).  Good clients don't get blacklisted.  

As to creating your own version, believe there is a reviewers board, but what do I know .  As to creating a balance, wow!  You not being able yo see a lady is no balance to her safety. Thinking like that may have kept her from seeing you, but again, what do I know.

Not every gentleman that wants to see a lady, is entitled.  Lots of red flags can appear while screening. And we are entitled to say no, regardless, just as you are entitled to see who you want.  Not all money is good money.

You mentioned that this provider communicate back and forth with you so she just didn't went silent with out a reason and it seems that she was proactive in the communication specially for a same-day request.  
After several emails (back and forth) she asked you for an specific information and my question would be... did you provide what she asked? or you provide what you wanted to share?  

This exact situation had happen to me before, I tend to be very proactive on my emails (my reviews explain that) and also I am very peculiar on my screening (my reviews mention that as well), but if after several emails I am not getting what I am asking for...there's no point on continue any communication because no-one has the time of patience to chase for information that we are just not going to receive.  

The good thing is that you were able to meet with a lady from an agency... so fortunately you evening wasn't ruined.

 I would not blacklist someone just because I didn't get the info that I request.  

But again... only you two know what actually happened. She didn't rob you, NCNS on you... she just end communication at a certain point of the conversation.

In the future; I recommend to book in ADVANCE that way the lady has plenty of time to screen. Personally, I am careful and very cautions on my screening, and specially if the request is done on same day and I don't get the information I ask for...(not what the client wants to provide)... also the amount of "ok's and reviews don't matter to me either.  

Some ladies are ok with just "ok's" other's ask more information. Every lady as what they feel necessary.  

Hope you have a fun date with the provider that visit you.  

Veronica,

And a prime example of why you should never, ever part with real world information during a screening process. You're the one paying the risk premium here, no need to tolerate any BS whatsoever. Mongers that allow themselves to be put into uncomfortable and compromising situations for the privilege of paying a premium rate make baby Jesus cry. Think about this - you're filling out a form containing all of your identifying information on the internet, which is then stored in a shared database on a shared host which services thousands of other websites, all in order to participate in an illegal activity. That's a monumentally stupid thing to do. Equifax can't even keep your data safe, do you really think a random hooker with a $20/month account with Squarespace can? There are literally 100s of so-called top providers in the DMV who aren't ridiculous about screening and actually want your business. Next time go where you and your cash will be treated with a little respect and pick one of them instead, and let the BSC providers start eating ramen.  

As to recourse, sign up for the reviewer only board. I know exactly who you are talking about here and trust me, you were better off with the agency. Stalking personal information that wasn't voluntarily provided is never OK, and she has a history of doing this. The RO board would be a more appropriate venue to share details, if you so choose.

CN9 -  Yes, you make great points.  I think you know who she is.  She certainly has made it clear she does. 👹  And I know, I know ... I should never take that risk sharing the info.  But what happens --- beautiful pics, great reviews, I send a note (not on the form) and she responds she can make it work, please send info ... she's so sincere about looking out for her own safety --- I slowly get reeled in and start thinking with the wrong head.  🌶

Probably mostly mad because, in the end, I was play a foolish (lusty) gut and got played instead.  A DOUBLE injustice I say. 🤣  Damn I'm a knucklehead. 🤓

Here's the thing --- I struggle mightily between agency and Indy.  I swear off agencies, its all great for a while and then I get a s$&t sandwich and swear I won't do it again. I go Indy for a while and I get a couple of screwy events -- NCNS, crazy screening, BSC ... I'm back to agency.  In general, I find I have more likelihood of the date happening with agency but more likelihood of enjoying the date with Indy.  Ahhh, high class problems. 🕺🏽🍾🎉

She does make one good point, especially if going Indy --- starting ahead of time generally avoids most problems.  If only my life worked so as to make that always possible. 🙄

Thanks for help and support.  I did put in an RO request. Extra good point!!  Cheers.  🍸

I meant the balance between her trying to blacklist me when I was just trying to figure out wtf happened. 🤔  I didn't think we had a place to discuss these problems when I know the providers do --- but maybe RO is the place!!  Honestly, almost all of my actual dates are pretty good to --> f'n fantastic ... but there can be a lot of noise along the way. I love the reviews that tell me about the performance, but reviews on who is tough to deal with (and with whom the performance never even happened) could be equally or MORE valuable.   Some women likely DESERVE to get extensive info (albeit, as CN9 says, at Equifax risk ... forgive her for she knows not what she does!).  I get the safety bit for you --- what about the data and privacy safety bit for me?   Now she's got my info on a crappy server and she's PO at me.  Boy do I feel 🍀 today!!  Equifax has spent the last month apologizing --- lot of good it does to those who are now getting their bank accounts looted!!

Yes, of course, I did move on. No biggie. Frankly, this all comes up because I was curious what I did wrong as I want to do better.  I think worse than being nailed as a bad client is getting characterized as one when you are doing all you can to be a good one. 💩

Like I said, you want to take a pass on me ... darn ... I move on. (Clients do it all the time. Never 'fun' but no match is no match!)  But if there was a misunderstanding and I can prevent it next time, one can always learn and get better, right?  In retrospect, I did learn I made a mistake --- she had asked for one more item --- a work email.  Fair enough. Even so, if that was the reason, LMK I missed it.  (I was too busy gathering the medical records, tax returns and bank statements she wanted to catch that last item. 🤣Bwaaaahaaaahaaa!!!)

Ok --- on we go.  Have had enough fun/pain with this one.  Is it ok if I post my SS# here now?   I think I missed that request as well. 😱

Funny --- I'm quite certain the EXACT situation DID happen to you before.  I guess the world will know for sure if the Equifax hacks ever get to you.  (Let's hope 🤞🏼that never happens ... but it's certainly a fear.) Counting on you to be as good at destroying info as you are at collecting it!!  🤓

I will not beg to pay for pussy!

I really do want to "feel your pain" but I just cant bring myself to do so.

 
You knew going in what Veronica's screening requirements are going in (It's pretty obvious who you are talking about, so let's drop the facade) Once you agree to start jumping through hoops you give up the right to whine about it.

 
She is in this business to make money, just like all the rest of the girls here. You lost out on a dat BFD, she turned down a paying customer. Whatever her reason, she obviously had one and if the reason was you are already on a BL or your references didn't check out she has no obligation to share that with you. Actually almost every provider has an SOP of NOT sharing that info with clients.

 
Personally I do nothing but short notice appointments, AND I refuse to jump through hoops, I would never even attempt to book with the likes of Veronica, and I am sure she prefers it that way too. I am NOT going to jump through any of the hoops she demands and she is not going to see any guy who won't provide what she wants. There are thousands of other women i/you can see, why whine about something that was at least partly YOUR fault?

 
You don't need to go to the RO board to get the advice you need. i will give it to you right now. "Grow a pair and simply move on" and read and re-read the great advice PS gave you until it sinks it. and lastly "Quit your fucking whining" Your whining is going to get you on more DNS lists that anything that Veronica is going to do. Us guys don't like whiny hookers, I can't imagine that the ladies like whiny johns. NOBODY likes a person who won't let shit go. So let it go already

If you know a specific provider screens in a specific manner, and your not ok with complying with that, why even contact them? It seems like an exercise in futility; you already know how it's going to end up, so why waste the time?

With that, I'd always stop to consider what it's tell you about a provider when she screens... most notably that they're likely safe to be around (for you), otherwise they'd just collect that info when you arrive. Also, think about it from a provider standpoint. There are scores of instances where you guys are great, right up until you're not... the classic "good client gone bad."

I don't know many providers who are willing to pit they're own safety on the line just because someone has seen a lot of girls. Unless reviews/okays can be confirmed with the provider it came from, having either really doesn't mean much. We've all heard of instances of guys sharing TER/P411 accounts, guys handing accounts over to LEO's, and the guy with 29485935858 fake reviews.

Most providers I've talked about relative to screening have unanimously agreed that having a review account is good for hunting down references, and that's about it. Unless we get video confirmation to match a face to info, having an account, on its own, isn't sufficient for screening for any serious provider.

.02

I could go on and on about how hookers can go BSC just like a man, and that there are PLENTY of cases where a guy had his life ruined over something as small as giving an 8-8 review to a hooker who demanded 10-10s.

 
I also completely disagree that a woman's screening methods have any correlation to how "safe" she is to be around. but I have found a correlation about women who are demanding about screening are also rather demanding in other areas in their professional lives. If I sense a woman is going to make me "beg to pay for pussy" I take an immediate pass as I know we are NOT going to be a good fit. I also make no effort to hide the fact that I am "that asshole GaGambler" when booking an appointment, I have also found that any woman who would not book with GaGambler probably isn't going to like the "real" me either.  

 
I suppose we could argue all day about the areas in which we disagree, so let's just agree that it makes no sense for someone who doesn't want to jump through EVERY hoop that a "strong screener" like you or Veronica to jump through just a few of them and then start complaining that the screening is too intrusive. If a woman doesn't make it clear what is required to book with them, I could understand some pissed off john making a rant about it, but when a woman leaves no doubt about what it takes to secure an appointment with her, he gives up his right to whine about it the moment he contacts her. You are never going to see me here whining about how tough a woman's screening is, I've got enough sense to simply pass on the women I don't think are going to be a good fit with me. See how easy that is biopop?

First off, I think we can give OP a break here.  
Reason?  
He mentioned - " I was working my way down the Top Providers list in DC and didn’t have to go all that far.  What could go wrong? "

So, if one is on a quest to get into the pussy of Top Providers list, then that's it. That quest will lead to these things and whoever said that such quests are not fraught with danger.

I agree with others on other points. OP knew what was required and he is the one who missed the line etc. in the email. But I think all is not lost.

If indeed OP is serious and provider is willing then I say go ahead. Have a nice time and forget that this happened. Shit happens, it's how we deal with it is what matters. Anyhow the provider has most of the information, isn't it? What can the OP gain by not providing another piece of PII? He's already screwed as is. Why not go ahead and have a fun time?

As far as I'm concerned, I would not jump through hoops and will never contact a provider (no matter how high that provider is on any list) who'd need my PII. Not saying what they're asking for is wrong, I just don't feel comfortable. so unless my thinking changes or provider in question changes her screening, we'd both be missing each other's company

So, my suggestion to OP - try again, give her the remaining piece, have a nice time and move on.

Good luck to OP on your quest to go down the 'list'. But please, like others have mentioned, you might need to quit whining. Either man up or quit your quest. But I hope that you keep going down the list in every sense.

-- Modified on 10/19/2017 7:10:43 PM

Dude - you are so right ... I've totally screwed myself ... I've given 99 pieces of info I never should have ... of COURSE I will give the 100th to set things right and get LITERALLY screwed.  

... dear wronged top provider in DC (somewhere in the Top 15 I tell you) --- you know who you are, your reviews are crazy good, your pics are stellar and I still find myself ready to double down on bad judgement and cough up just  about any info you were to ask for --- let's put this behind us.  How about I get NativeMan to broker a makeup session and let's bury the hatchet? ...  happy to add to your treasure trove of 9's and 10's if the evidence comes anywhere near the reviews (the preponderance of evidence suggests AMAZING!!!  

By the way, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but @ $450 for 60 minutes and $500 for 90 --- even I'M taking 90 ... and I'd happily let that rash decision wind up being the death of me.  What a spectacular way to go.  

Yes NativeMan, well said --- I do need to man up and complete this transaction.  Mystery Girl, I clearly understand now that cooler thoughts are prevailing ... I certainly did MISS your last request (Ugh!  Maybe this could have all have been avoided!), ended up making a stupid mistake (not providing the last piece of info after getting that far ... duh! ... and ending up NOT getting to see you naked, etc.) --- what say we put this misunderstanding behind us, kiss and make up BIG TIME?  I'm in!!  You?  Great advice NM.  Make it happen!  Let's do this!!!

Great. So now it is up to the provider.  

My suggestion to provider, please get the last piece of PII so OP is thoroughly screwed in that sense and then, if you feel, set up a session and literally screw OP so that both parties end happy. Anyhow both parties seem to have done 99% of the work, let that 1% not hold both of you back.

Life is too short to hold a grudge, people. Enjoy!!

an honest mistake and things can be remedied. But you know what's almost never helpful? Calling someone out publicly for an inconsequential matter. Take the advice given here and all of this as a learning experience of what not to do next time around.

xo

What you should do is

have me give her all her screening wants on me....

Have me do the session...  

and you pay for it.

Happy to take one for the team on such a well reviewed hottie.  

I'd be happy to sacrifice myself to do this for you.

I am more of a 4hr with dinner type, but I am not picky.

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

When someone is hiding something. Asking for everything down to your DNA won’t tell me you hate women. BUT.... there are a lot of people without common sense that think all this info will protect them.  It won’t.  

On the side of the hobbyist: if you you email back and forth like a guilty person and walk in and out if your appointment like a guilty person (for solicitation) then you are. Maybe you shared info because you thought she was a licensed massage therapist? Does your email say “I’d like to pay 500 for pussy?” Then relax- keep overthinking everything and you’ll definitely get yourself in trouble. When something doesn’t seem to make sense (especially another person’s mental health) keep it moving. Don’t rationalize it or sort it out. If they seem unreasonable or irrational then they probably are.  See someone else that’s willing to give you a good reference with a good reputation to counter some dumb blacklist garbage.  

I as a provider really feel like my time is wasted by blacklists for dumb shit other than safety. Some of us are real caregivers and others have a short fuse. Sorry to say but stick with the intelligent providers who can differentiate between what matters and what doesn’t. High price tag, nice ass and good head aren’t the only things that can alleviate your headache. Nut jobs and low IQs can add to it!  

Stephanie Stiles

Lol!
So far my screening works and no issues in here. And I ask for everything I want because you know, I’m my own boss 😉  if you do different.. good for you. Not bc I am a nut job nor I have “mental health issues” 😂😂

Some girls don’t have too much loose then others and that’s probably why they don’t care as much.  

By the way... welcome to the VA board  and good luck in you tour.  

 
Veronica,

-- Modified on 11/6/2017 12:14:46 PM

Thems with the gold, makes the rules....there are plenty of fish in the sea, just in some areas they're Tilapia...or whatever is a name for bad fish (I'm not a fisherman, so sorry if you don't get the analogy).  Not to say that anyone is a bad fish...well you get my point.  Basically what I am trying to say is sometimes it's better to move on.  I've found that when you apply logic to some things it just becomes more maddening.  There will never be a balance in this game, just my opinion, because men sometimes think with their dick, all of the time.  Chris Rock said it best, "women get dick thrown at them all day long," so to them, you are just another, and professional woman get it thrown at them 10 times over.  So while you're racking your brain, sending emails, trying to reason or get answers, she is getting annoyed and irritated every time an email from you comes to her inbox.  Sometimes you just gotta wooo-sah and move on to the next one.  If you're in a flourishing hotbed like D.C./Northern VA then that should be easy.  Smaller, more rural areas, not so much.

Was wondering if you and the provider who I cannot name, sorted the issues, got together and had a happy ending?

 
I hope you guys met and that everything is fine and you can go 'down' the list.