I know that this may not be the place for this, but I had to rant to somebody.

I had my first and only transsexual girlfriend when I lived in Germany for a couple of years, and once I moved back to the U.S. I tried to find another girl to date, but that was pretty hard to do in the town that I grew up in the South.

I thought my luck would change when I moved to NYC, but today I got stood up on my first date with a girl. The plan was for me to leave from Manhattan after I got off from work and meet her right next to her place in Brooklyn at a restaurant that I made reservations at. I got there a few minutes early and sat around for half an hour waiting. I then called her and she didn't answer. I left a voicemail and a couple of text messages and still nothing. So I decided to eat by myself hoping that she would eventually show up.

After having to embarrassingly explain to my waitress that I couldn't get a hold of my date, I headed back to Manhattan. Just a few minutes ago a got a call from the girl and I asked her what happened to her and if she was O.K. She said that she ended up going out with some of her friends and she forgot to call me about her change of plans. I lied to her and told her "everything's cool," but I'm really upset.

Has anyone on the board had any luck dating transsexual girls?

sorry to hear that someone stood you up but hey look in the bright side maybe it's meant to be and you might find someone better..if your good looking and have great personality you might find someone soon...who know's you might find yourself a girl like me..

she wasn't a provider (at least I don't think so). I met her at a TS friendly bar that I went to last weekend.

Well, not to rain on your parade but.....If I had a crystal ball, I'd say she was probably working when you met her. She may have liked you but due to the iffy-ness of the date/session, not knowing if you thought it was a date or a paid meeting may have made her flake.  I would say the majority of ts girls at ts clubs (from my experience) are either working or shopping for a sugar daddy.  Don't get too upset.  NY is a very big place with lots to offer.

I've had a few times where I've seen their profile on dating site, sent a message to them then really hit it off when talking on the phone and texting for a week or two. I sometimes think it is good that way because you find out more about the person than if you ran into them on the street and just went head on into sex and tried to figure the other stuff out later.  They are anxious about meeting guys like any other woman but doubly worried about how they're going to get treated by the men.  Is the guy for real or is he only saying things so he can get laid?  Most of the men they deal with only treat them as sex objects so they're very skeptical when someone claims they have the best intentions.  None of us wants to get our hopes up high then have our hearts broken.

Once we were scheduled to meet but that day my car broke down.  I called her and said look I'm not in good mood because of repairs and she said men usually meet face to face before rejecting her.  I said I'm still interested it's just the bad day with no car.  She hung up on me and that was that.

Another lived 60 miles away so after weeks of talking about everything on the phone we agree to meet equidistant from each other and I'm looking around for her and after 15 minutes I call her and no answer for the next half hour.  I call the next day and she said she had flat tire and a dead phone.  Soon after that she stopped calling me.  This was a woman who asked me if I would introduce her to my family and friends  if it got that far and I said yes and if they couldn't handle it I would choose her and she still rejected the notion that she might have a normal relationship with a man.

There are so many defense and coping mechanisms that these women have because of their negative encounters with men that just baffles the honest guys seeking long term partnerships.  We don't know what they've gone through and think we're the simple solution.  It is going to take a lot of patience and time for you to prove that you have honorable intentions and want actual dating and companionship rather than one night stands.  No one wants to be on a constant emotional roller coaster regarding their romantic lives.

LATSDOG--Thanks for the insight. Yeah, she could have very well seen me as a potential client and then became uninterested.

I've been to one of Allanah's parties and to two of Sunny Delite's parties here in NYC, and the approaches that I have gotten from the girls have been very confusing at times. Although some are straightforward--they ask me where I lived and whether I have 200 on me, others have been somewhat more ambiguous--they would talk to me for a few minutes and then kind of hint at the fact that they wanted money. And then a lot actually seemed like they wanted to hook up with me for free because they thought that I was hot. (I know this may sound crazy, but I'm actually still pretty young, only 24).

I took home a girl at each of the three parties that I went to. I would pay for the cab fare, and for food, and I bought one girl some things on the street that she saw and wanted, but for the most part I didn't pay them anything. That is, until the last girl that I took home. She got really mad at me in the morning when she randomly asked me for a 1,000 dollars for the overnight stay and I refused to pay. I had no clue that she wanted money, let alone the dollar amount that she was asking for. I decided to defuse the situation by giving her the 300 dollars or so in cash that I had on me, but that effectively ended my visits to Allanah's and Sunny's transsexual parties. I"m scared of seeing that girl again and also of a similar situation arising.

Willy--Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. Since I moved to New York, I've been working at a law office that gives free council to discrimination victims, and a handful of the clients that I have worked with have been transsexuals. I'm always amazed by what they have to go through in order to survive. Finding and holding a job for many of the girls is especially difficult because of all the discrimination out there.

I also can't imagine how hard it is for them to date, and know whether a guy is actually serious about doing something long term. That's one of the reasons why I restrained myself from scolding her on the phone for making me sit at the restaurant by myself. I figured that it wasn't worth it and that maybe there was something more complicated going on with her.

I'm really sorry for your bad experience, Mark--you sound like a neat guy.  And Willy's remarks are very good, too.  All well said and very insightful!

The economic times are tough but not as hard as altering the social consciousness of discrimination for an entire nation.  Most TS grew up feeling less-than-human, objectified by a sexual paranoia that has been inflicted upon the entire GLBT community.  Witch hunts and lynchings along with the arrogant dismissal of TS humanity can drastically impact the psyche, hardening the soul to the point of making trust quite difficult to share.

The defense mechanisms are natural extensions of dealing with social disapproval.  I wonder, if I were full-time, how many times a day would I experience discrimination?  And, how many days would it take before I gave up on the goodness of people.

Alas, these are among the hardest days for the "T" in GLBT.  Finally, human rights are *beginning* to be redefined as, well, human rights--not just rights for old white men.  And, it seems that they're starting with the beginning of the acronym: G and L rights are moving forward fitfully, but moving forward, nonetheless.

The B and T are coming along but do not have--yet--the national-level organizational leadership and financial support necessary to create and approve legislation--and to directly impact social media.  As has been said before on this board, Trans are still portrayed as laughable or pathetic stock characters in movies.  We need a Tom Hanks to show the world that Trans is not only human but deeply moving. (For those too young to remember, Tom Hanks starred in "Philadelphia")

The Trans community is a bit fragmented, but I believe that, eventually, there will develop greater unity.  I'm also optimistic that Trans rights will move forward and that there will be a time when the label TS does not incite anything negative.  It probably won't happen in my life time, but I believe it will happen for future generations.  Then, they will look back on these times and marvel at the courage with which we faced such difficult times.

I'm surprised my response came out so well since I posted at 2am after a few drinks.  I maybe on here and go to the clubs to check out the scene and meet the ladies but I also support LGBT causes and attend rallies like the DOR last Friday because dating somebody is more than a hobby to me.  I think it's a shame that some women are so hurt or jaded that they think sincere men are too good to be true and don't give them the chance.