Hi boys, was seeing a new girl near NY and made arrangements. I'd been out all day and when I got there asked if I could freshen up with a quick shower. She acted like I asked for her brokerage acct password, she got real flustered said no way etc. it was her bathroom.  

I've done this dozens of times with no issue. I walked out took my donation and said sorry but no mas.  
Is this a new thing on horizon, denial of a shower?

If there is one thing I’ve learned from these sort of meets is that to never expect anything that isn’t discussed even lightly beforehand. Especially if it isn’t explicitly stated in the ad, and even then I still like some light clarification: “So is the donation only $X? Or are there extras” has been my recent go to.  

Personally, whenever I need to shower or “prepare” I ask ahead of time during setup to make sure it’s ok and have never gotten any pushback. A girl not wanting you to use their shower could be hygiene related and not wanting to share it with someone they don’t know; bad experiences in the past with people leaving a mess; safety issues of having someone they don’t know behind a closed door (drugs, robbery, weapons etc), or anything in between. Whatever her issue was it was clearly important enough to her to miss out on a donation. I don’t think either of you were in the wrong here but I’d recommend to try asking beforehand in the future.

I have found it's rarely an issue if they are traveling and staying in a hotel. With personal homes, it can be hit or miss. Still most are cool with it, and in fact even prefer you shower. But I have come across some that do not want you using their shower for various reasons. It's never bothered me because I'm usually showering for their benefit. But if it matters to you, best bet is to ask in advance.

I've rarely asked to take a shower beforehand and afterwards it's been less than half the time. While it's not a big ask, I think it should be defined prior to the session. I think it's more common with genetic providers, not as much with trans, but only my opinion. The biggest reason for me is if I only have an "hour" commonly at best, I don't want to waste any of it with a shower. I also can prepare best on my own rather than at someone else's place.