I figure 20lbs depending on how tall she is can be more obvious (and a deal breaker). So I'm giving her a break and saying she didn't catfish you. I reserve those designations for when the difference is very obvious. As for the age difference, that's a woman's right. I ignore ages when I'm dealing with late 20s up because they are meaningless. My current SB said on her profile 28 but she is 39. She looks younger and great bod so really her actual age is kinda academic. And she has the maturity of a late 30s gal so I really appreciate that. So the line for me is large weight difference i.e. over 25+lbs and especially looks that are different. Otherwise I let it ride and focus on their personality/sexual allure.
I had a M&G yesterday. I wasn't planning on adding a new SB, but when my 90-day subscription re-billed, I forgot that Seeking automagically flips all your settings to "Active" without notifying the user. A "bug" (or probably a "feature" from Bandon's POV) I first documented a few years back.
In the 4 hours it took me to remember to turn my profile back to Hidden, got a view, a favorite and a message from a local POT. Late 30's brunette, pics showed a slim body wearing tight, but not skanky clothes and her profile text was appealing. She's a relatively new user, going live about 4 months ago. After I shut down my profile settings I decided to message back, figuring it's always a good idea to have one or more on-deck. We moved to text at my suggestion after she inadvertently used the word "arrangement" in a message. Rather than address her question, I just gave her my cell.
Two days later, we did a FaceTime call. She was in her car (behind the wheel) and I noticed that her hair was now closer to blond, and that her face seemed a bit rounder than her pics. But there was no doubt the pics matched the woman on the call. We chatted briefly about goals and objectives, as well as past allowance experiences and other items like preferred date schedule and activities. I also covered my requirements on testing and safety. We agreed to a M&G at a local Starbucks. That M&G happened yesterday.
Now here's the problem: When she arrived, it was the same woman from the pics and the FaceTime call. But she is now 20-25 pounds bigger, and I'll guess 3-4 years older than her pics. She's not fat (like I am LOL). I'd call her slim-thicc at this point. She was wearing a white starched blouse with the top 4 buttons open, and it seemed she was "almost" intentionally leaning or turning her upper body in a way that allowed a nice teasing view of her cleavage. If you've been reading my posts for a while you know I prefer skinny women. I mean rib-cage-showing skinny with a smaller perky chest. If I had seen a recent pic that accurately displayed her silhouette, I would not have replied in the first place - which, I assume is the reason she used older pics.
So my question:
Did I get catfished - was she lying?
Or is she just trying to present herself in a positive light - using exaggerated marketing?
When does careful selection of images and profile text go from accentuating the positive to deception?
I don't feel I was catfished. I do feel misled and I won't be pursuing any further.
Where is the line? How do you know when the line has been crossed?
Life is good
The Cat
I figure 20lbs depending on how tall she is can be more obvious (and a deal breaker). So I'm giving her a break and saying she didn't catfish you. I reserve those designations for when the difference is very obvious. As for the age difference, that's a woman's right. I ignore ages when I'm dealing with late 20s up because they are meaningless. My current SB said on her profile 28 but she is 39. She looks younger and great bod so really her actual age is kinda academic. And she has the maturity of a late 30s gal so I really appreciate that. So the line for me is large weight difference i.e. over 25+lbs and especially looks that are different. Otherwise I let it ride and focus on their personality/sexual allure.
I've become really wary of women on seeking who don't have clear pics that show her figure. It doesn't have to be a bikini shot, although those are great. But at least one full length head to toe clearly lit, recent pic wearing form fitting clothing is essential. I think if a woman does not show a pic like that on her profile she's being at least a bit deceptive right from the start. I have actually asked women to send me at least one recent pic like that before I'll meetup irl. As for age, I really dislike a woman lying about her age. At all. Doesn't matter what she looks like. If she thinks it's ok to lie about that, what else is she lying about?
A girl uses really old pics.
I found my psycho ex from a few years ago up on SDM again. She's been banned 5 or 6 times already. Using pics from her early 20s. She's got to be 40 now.
In manufacturing, there is the concept of permissible variance (aka tolerance limit).
My personal tolerance limit for SB weight is plus or minus 10lb from the stated weight on the profile. Applying that to your situation, I agree with your sentiment that you were misled but not catfished.
Re: age tolerance limits, a hobbyist once shared a K-Girl ad age translation chart on another forum. 18-21 means 20s, 21-25 means 30s, 26-30 means 40+. I follow this chart when filtering on Seeking and have yet to be surprised by the M&G.
Honestly gentlemen women have always lied about their age, always will. It’s their right. We may not like it but it’s forever been baked into their thinking
Lying about age is the most innocuous issue in my mind when it comes to sugaring, or dating in general. There are a lot more pressing issues on my plate.
I agree that deflating age by 2-4 years alone is not a huge red flag. As long as she is provably over 18.
The age lie tends to manifest in increasing margins at certain actual age milestones. Once she crosses into the next decade, she's more likely to lie. For example, once she is 30 or more, she may claim she is 28 or 29. I've seen this many times. Once time I asked why she did this and her reason was what you might expect; search filters. She was concerned that SD's will be filtering for 29 or younger, and she may be correct about the majority of SD on the site. Of course, the same trend appears when she hits 40 or even 50. I accept that if I actually plan a M&G with a POT over 27 (I filter for 18-28), she will be shaving off a few years. It's not disqualifying by itself. But....
The less obvious issue with age lying is not the number of years. It what happened to her (and her body) during those years. I recall a POT I met about 4 years ago. She lived in Napa, but was on travel in LA. Her profile stated 21, pics were fire: about 5'5" slim (maybe 110), wearing what looked like a "breastaraunt" waitress uniform from The Tilted Kilt (google it).
Yes, major hooker vibes. But I saw an opportunity for an epic BNB (Bang and Bail) and decided to go for it. When I messaged, she was receptive and eager. It turns out the guy she had been in LA to date had bailed on her and she was literally sitting at LAX about to buy a ticket home. We exchanged deets and made an agreement. I drove to LAX to pick her up (Uber's are well over $100 from my place to LAX) and found her. As soon as she got in the car I could tell she was older than her pics and profile age. But still had a slim body and a pretty face. We headed to my place. She wanted to take a shower, and I was eager to join. At this point, when she is taking her clothes off, I was (as they say in poker) pot committed. Once she was naked, I saw it. Massive baby damage. That taught, washboard abs midriff I could see in her pics was now a relief map of the Serria Nevada Mountain Range. Just folds of loose skin flapping about. Not fat, just - baby damage. Those perky boobs under that waitress sweater were now beaver tails laying passively on her ribs. I found out she had THREE kids since those pics were taken. She claimed she had "tried to enter her real age - 36 - but the site would not let her edit the age field." (A compliant I have heard from other POT's but C'MON!)
I was able to continue, but only by dimming the lights, even in the bathroom shower. Eventually I dropped her off at the airport and never looked back. If the allowance wasn't fairly low (I think it was around 300), I might have bailed when I saw her naked. But, well, you know... I'm a guy....
Life is good
The Cat
Years ago on TER I got a few reviewers to hide age and weight in the review. Jyst a simple A+10 or weight W+20 buried in the text. Too bad no reviews on SBs.