Had a question for everyone.  I just met someone who I truly clicked with on every level.  We have only known each other for a month and have not had sex at this time.  Just recently she informed me that she is a dancer/stripper.  At first it was a shock and it didn't bother me at all.  We've had some heartfelt conversations, inside/outside of work and I feel as though she is being sincere with me.  I'm giving her space to do her work and make her living.  She has invited me twice to her work and she has given me some great lap dances.  We giggle and laugh because of our strange relationship.  Strange because I knew her before and feel ambivalent about her dancing.  I know her to be a very sweet person and would never change anything about her.

My dilemma is the boundaries.  The song "I'm in Love with a Stripper" cracks me up just thinking about it.  She's a great girl and I really respect her, but her hours at work make it difficult to have a relationship.  It doesn't even enter my mind to ask her to quit her line of work, but it is a strain on the time available to take her out.  She is always tired and doesn't wake up until the late afernoon.  I work 7a.m. to 7p.m. and when I'm available, she usually isn't.  It's been a struggle to find time for each other.

I believe she is apprehensive to see me on a regular basis.  We made an interesting connection on the phileo, agape, and eros parts of love.  I believe it frightened her.  She felt the need to tell me aobut her dancing/stripping.

I have been to see her twice at work in the middle of her shift.  I was only planning on staying for a drink or two and seeing her.  She invited me for a few dances, of which I partook.  She didn't want me to pay for them and then an uncomfortable uneasiness ensued.  The two times I visited, she cut her shifts short and we went out.

The dilemma is, we go out after her work which is late night.  I work very early mornings.  I have 2 jobs and work about 5-6 days a week.

I am trying to be patient, but I can sense she's pulling away.  She already initiated saying she loves me and recognizes this isn't something ordinary.  We both agreed this is something different because I met her outside of work.

Need some help!  I have been on this board for over 4 years now and never brought my laundry to the open forum.  I respect the perspective of providers and hobbyists and know you will bring some deeper insight to my plight.  Feel free to contribute either way.

Lonely and in Love

"They Never Met", about a man who worked the day shift who fell in love with a nurse who worked nights.

However, you two have met, so you're ahead of the game already.

Time is a bitch, but love will find a way.

Why not each compromise a bit and learn to do with a bit less sleep.  It is possible.  Also, good sex helps you to sleep more soundly so you need less.

She is already cutting her shifts short, so she is doing her part.

This relationship is still young.  There's no telling where it will go, so what the hell, make some adjustments and enjoy it.

This is a wonderful time of year to meet someone and fall in love.  My first girl friend and I met right around Thanksgiving and we had the best time on the holidays.  It was over when the snow melted, but who cared, we had a blast while it lasted.

Here is some nuts-and-bolts advice for you LABigPoppa,

Please tell her exactly what you have written to us in your posting and see what she says. On the other hand, if you sense she's pulling away...what will pull her back? As to the boundaries, well, they don't seem to move in your favor if she's pulling away.

The whole thing about her doing lapdances for you, her inviting you to work...it doesn't sound very romantic or "out of boundary territory" to me. If she wanted to keep you in her totally private life, she would never invite you into her workplace. I'm not sure how old she is, but she doesn't sound very mature and capable of having another life beyond stripping right now. I'm only guessing, but there may be a significant age difference and significant difference in expectation in the quality of the relationship.

As to the quality of the relationship itself, you have stated that it's "strange." If you want it to be "normal," you'll have to spend some "normal" time together outside of the stripper place and in your/her home, doing "normal" things. If that can't happen, then you'll be in limbo as long as your association with her goes on. And if that's what works for you, then you have my blessing. If not, then please move on.

Please have an in-depth conversation with her before continuing,
the Love Goddess

Having had relationships with several strippers I have one piece of advice, don't take the relationship to her work.  The relationship I had with the first dancer I used to go out with ended badly and I feel it was because I went in to see her at work.  I've had three other relationships with dancers and even though they've turned into friendships the fact is I'm still close to all of them and I feel its because I never went in to see them at work.

Find some time for the 2 of you in nice environment and let her know your feelings as to her as a persons, as a woman. Also, make it known that while you understand her professional choice (presuming you do) you met her outside it and will stay outside of it. AND DO! The more you invade her workspace and time the more the blurring between you the special person and you, the person just another horny dude looking for visual gratification and a lapdance will become and your special relationship will dissolve.

She has tried to meet you part way by working short shifts so you'd be outside of her work time but was repaid in having you invade that time. Don't smear, don't keep crossing the line and above all be political and caring and understanding and meet her halfway.

I've got a similar situation though I met her as a SP. We now meet outside of her business hours and agreed not to see each other during hours as I felt uncomfortable and she had difficulty also. We also spend time together getting to know each other, as persons and not just rolling in the sack. Things were up and down until we each opened up and expressed what we felt and wanted and spending time seeing hoe to make it work for each of us. Try it.

Real advice is NOT to fall in love with a stripper/dancer/escort. These are women who have chosen to make their money entertaining men with their bodies, they make their money by sharing their bodies with men.

If you go to her work and witness her sharing her body with other men, it will affect the relationship in a negative way. While they can make exciting short term girlfriends, it ain't serious unless she is willing to completely quit entertaining other men with her body. It's that simple.