I get a bit nervous with girls. I'm a reasonably cool, smart and funny guy a smidge over 30, come from a good family, fairly well off, and recently started a business that, while currently in the ramen noodle phase, I think will make me a grip of dough. That said, I'm not confident with girls romantically (I can chat them up no problem, even pretty strangers at a bar, it's just asking for the number, "making the move", going for the kiss, etc.) because I'm self conscious about my weight.
Now I know I'm my own worst enemy here, I'm pretty decent looking, am honest, kind and am told I'd be a good catch. Still, it's kind of that old catch 22, I need experience to gain confidence but I can't get experience without confidence.
I'm already self conscious about my weight, I don't want to be self conscious about feeling like I don't know what I'm doing in bed. I mean, I know every situation and every girl is different and there isn't a step 1, step 2, step 3 type handbook, but as a guy that's prone to some anxiety, I don't like ambiguity. Is it a reasonable thing to seek a training class of sorts from a provider and if so, how would I go about doing that?
And not to worry lest you think you are advising somebody to go down a slippery slope, this is not my first rodeo. While I'm looking for a real girlfriend and not an experience, when I've gone so long without getting laid that my dick is starting to gather dust I'll find a provider to fill the void (although somewhat inadequate since it's a forced intimacy...fortunately I've gotten older and wiser and know better than to think it's more than what it is...even if I want it to be...).
Anywho, lay it on me. I'm generally pretty impressed with your head shrinking abilities so feel free to analyze beyond my question should you feel like it.
Ok, heynineteen,
What's the deal with your weight? Are you super-skinny or are you full of that ramen you're selling? Regardless of the answer - start pursuing some real discipline here and go to a gym 5 days a week [I don't care if it's midnight, you're young and still have some energy] and GET YOUR BODY IN SHAPE. Period. Women don't like fat guys, it's as simple as that. They may like fat wallets, but why even go there?
If you don't have the discipline to get a good body, how are you supposed to have the discipline to get a "civilian" girl to be interested in you? Because that takes discipline and dedication as well. Sure, you can go to a provider, pay your Franklins and get laid, but what will you learn from that? Zilch! You don't need a provider to teach you anything, you need to get up your confidence - and that apparently is stalling, because you're "conscious about your weight."
Your slippery slope is your weight, not the fact that you get with providers. That has nothing to do with it, although it's a good excuse for not dealing with the real issue. As to "sexual skills," half of that is some kind of bullshit concocted by men, FOR men. When a woman is in love with a man, she doesn't give a rat's ass if he blows or sucks on her clitoris. She wants to hug, hold, kiss and yes, have sex...fortunately, when a woman is in love, it doesn't matter much what kind of sex she has, as long as it's not overly brief or painful. If she's crazy about the guy, she'll guide him and let him know what she wants, trust me.
I'm all for guys getting physical makeovers just as much as I am for guys to learn things and evolve. You're fat - get into a gym and start eating EXTREMELY HEALTHY. You're ugly - get plastic surgery for chrissakes and alter your looks. You're clueless - get a tutor or go back to school. JUST DO IT, to paraphrase Nike. And if there's a problem with motivation, go get some therapy or coaching. Luckily, we live in the land of opportunities and there's help everywhere.
Trust me - you'll feel better when your body does,
The Love Goddess
So the answer is lose weight...thanks a lot 
I know you're right. Guess I just needed to hear it and get a kick in the ass rather than look for a short term solution (which really isn't a solution) or some sort of excuse.
Be like Nike. Just do it. Stop dicking around and change things. Even if it's not what I wanted to hear it's the truth.
Thanks LG. In the words of Frank the Tank, "you keep truckin'" and keep chumps like me in line.
Incidentally, did you see the new Super Freakonomics chapter on the hobby? What did you think of the data they collected? In line with "industry standards" or unique to that particular person?
Hi, LG,
I read your reply to H19, and while losing weight may indeed make him more of a visually appealing guy, I hardly find it to be necessary to meet or date women.
I don't know your social circles, but all my life I have seen "big" guys who are outgoing, funny, confident, the "life of the party", are always able to meet and date women. You want to be someone that people want to be around.
I don't know how big H19 is, but unless he's morbidly obese, the personality often overrides the body. This is one of those "double standards" that may not be quite as true for women.
popular. So I don't know how old you are or with whom you hang out, but if it's civvies in their 20s, they will NOT screw a fat guy when there are fit ones around.
In addition, it depends on the standards the OP has set for women. Maybe he wants a specific type who doesn't like heavyset men?
As to YOU not finding being fit to be necessary, that may be your own personal viewpoint. But in metropolitan cities among the young people [nota bene the age of the OP], being a fat guy is not a selling point.
It's 2010, not the 1970s,
The Love Goddess
While the double standard might in fact be somewhat true, I will NEVER date (meaning become intimate) with an overweight person. Why? I am not attracted to fat. If their personality is great and they're great to be around...fine, I'll be their friend but that's where it ends. If a guy wants me, and as LG said, most women to lay with them and I have a great body and take care of myself, I at least expect the same or they will be relegated to "the friend" every time.
Or they have a shit ton of money and I get compensated for having sex with an overweight man. There has to be some reason why I would go there if I am not attracted. Sorry but this is one woman who wants a date to at least come to the table with something I am chemically attracted to.
I've bounced up to 200 lbs. a couple of times in my life, and I've found life is sweet when I'm more in the low 160's. Even now, at 62, and not with all my hair, in the right clothes, I get "the look" from attractive younger ladies. That "look" goes a long way in boosting self confidence.
P4P sex was made for a guy like yourself. Find yourself a nice over 30 escort who's experienced.
See her a couple of times. She should be able to help you with your confidence Then go see another experienced escort. Repeat until you know your way around the bedroom. As far as the weight issue, all I can say is "eat less exercise more" Fad diets don't work. Good luck!
Social skills.
I agree with LG that you should hit the gym. That should boost your confidence.
I learned many years ago that if you look at picking up girls as a game and learn to accept some rejection you can be successful. As opposed to climbing into a shell, move on to the next one.
Being in my late 40's I can still pick up a younger 30 something civie. If I can do it, so can you.
For me the providers are treat without the challenge and the baggage. Don't confuse the hobby with dating. The hobby should be more about fantasy then reality.
There's no question seeing escorts can get you more confident around women and can also act as a good stop-gap measure in meeting your physical needs before you deal with your other issues. But as you know, it's not reality, and the feedback you get from being with escorts is very misleading since it isn't the same as being with women in a dating situation.
You already know the feedback you're getting from regular women, and it's not what you want. So while there's no harm in seeing escorts, make sure it's being done in conjunction with an overall self-improvmemnt program. It sounds like you've actually got quite a bit going for you, but your weight keeps you from being able to close the deal romantically. That's a much easier problem to address than a bad personality or a lack of brain power.
Even though everyone wants to be loved for who they are, the reality is when dating, we all make quick assessments about people based on physical appearance. Nobody knows this more than women, so you shouldn't be surprised if that's the standard by which you're being measured. They look at every aspect of their appearance to a degree the average man can't possibly appreciate. But they do so because they know that is how they'll first be judged when they set foot outside their door.
Fortunately, you don't really have to go it alone, even if you may have to forgo your ultimate objective of a GF in the interim. You can get workout buddies, you can take exercise classes which will act as a type of support group, and if your business gets past the ramen noodle phase, you could get some help from a life coach like LG. So there's nothing that says you have to go it alone, and you'll probably have more success if you don't.
Sometimes something as simple as telling a few friends that you're setting an objective to lose 20 pounds is enough motivation to keep you honest, because you know they'll be asking how things are going and you can't hide from them.
I totally support another thing LG mentioned, and that is taking a look at the overall package and deciding if you need to do a little upgrading. Do your teeth need work, or do you have a bad feature that could be improved? Is your skin good? These are fairly simple things to address these days and go a long way toward getting you past that first 3 minutes with a woman. It sounds like you've got the substance, now just put some effort into making sure it's presented in an attractive package.
Thanks Brosef! Honestly, for a guy who doesn't know me from Adam you said some really nice things and gave thoughtful advice. I appreciate it. G2, if I wasn't completely creeped out by meeting dudes on this website for fear it will be a business acquaintance or my some friend's dad, I would offer to buy you a beer (summer is Bell's Oberon season...delicious...sigh, must diet now).
Other than the weight thing I'm doing alright. I mean back hair is kind of a bummer, but I'm vain enough to get waxed if I know the beach or a date are in my future. I know my wardrobe could probably use an upgrade, but I've been waiting until I reach my goal weight and I can buy my all Armani spandex wardrobe.
Just gotta get after it in the gym and watch what I eat. Lets be honest, it's not a matter of knowing what needs to be done, it's doing it. Fuckin' A, no time like the present, right?
you DON'T have a date. This is precisely what works - a man who isn't just grooming because there's a prospective woman in the picture, but because NO ONE in the 21st century should have back hair, period. And here's why: because you never know who you're going to meet and what kind of situation you'll fall into.
You know the one about Mom telling you to wear nice underwear in case you get into an accident and have to be taken to the hospital - same principle, but with a potentially nicer outcome,
The Love Goddess
Damn LG, you're really giving me the business.
Next you're going to tell me I should clean my room and make my bed...
i'm not one of them, but i have come across several women who thought a hairy back and shoulders were a sign of rough masculinity on a man, and they adored it.
so OP...i say work to keep yourself up, but don't change who you are...learn to accept and embrace the real you, and spend your valuable time with women who will do the same. 
"i say work to keep yourself up, but don't change who you are...learn to accept and embrace the real you, and spend your valuable time with women who will do the same"
Some guys are repulsed by plastic surgery and some ladies don't love hairless men. Changing who you are is fine, if you enjoy the aroma of plastic.
And note how "lilli" herself admits to not liking men with back hair. Please remember that the OP is YOUNG. He is going to go for girls, not women in their 40s, unless he prefers "mature." And girls under 30 do not like hairy guys as a rule. Of course there are exceptions, but he doesn't want to date exceptions, it seems - he wants to be with attractive girls who represent more or less the average young person in the US.
Go ask some college girls if you don't believe me,
The Love Goddess
I don't think either one of them are Hot in the least, and Brad kind of resembles a monkey IMO..If they had Plastic surgery it was a failure from my perspective..Not saying they are ugly but Sean Connery is my idea of a Hot man.lol.. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I wasn't doubting your theory on girls favoring hairless bodies on men.. From my experience as a hairless man, other than my skull, its worked quite well.
My comments were more in tune with be yourself is the best route IMO.
Case in point.. A bald headed guy with enough confidence in himself that he shines his skull, has a easy time with ladies versus a guy who won't go outside his home without the most expensive toupee..Women can immediately sense lack of confidence, and its not what most are looking for.
All the plastic surgery in the World won't cover up a lack of confidence..Sure it might make her feel better if she gets new breasts or the guy gets a penis augmentation but most of us will see through that.
There is someone for everyone, unfortunately everyone doesn't believe in themselves enough to find the one thats looking for them.
what turns the average 25 year old girl into jello. In any event, I find it laughable and yet so predictable that middle-aged men sit around and debate about what's sexy and what isn't in terms of OTHER MEN.
The OP wants to meet cute chicks, period. It's normal and natural that he should begin at the top of the food chain and then work his way down. And that's why he needs to lose weight and shave his back - to appeal to a LARGE population of women, not the B or C crowd.
Bald is trendy and no one wears a toupee anymore - people with cash get hair transplants.
Wake up and get real - this is a very image-driven world we live in and fat/hairy guys don't get it on with the best-looking girls for free.
You need some really young friends in their 20s to understand what I'm talking aboout - may I suggest facebook? Or maybe you should just talk to your grandkids about who's hot and who isn't. Sean Connery might as well be dead to these girls.
Check the link to see who's doing it for the majority of girls up to 30 world-wide,
The Love Goddess
I have NEVER heard middle aged men debate about other men being sexy or not . Absolutely never ..I have heard many discussions about women stars and their sexiness or not, and loud disagreements over Paris.I doubt very seriously many men, other than gay men,talk about other men and their sex appeal amongst themselves, and if they did, the ONE homophobe in almost every group of straight men would quickly stifle that discussion...but just for the fun of it next time I am around a group of men,I will ask who they think is the sexiest male actor.rofl
I only brought it up because you mentioned Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise in a sexy reference.. Maybe if I was a gay man I would see what you see in them, or if I was a woman that desires men that openly display their feminine side.
Sean Connery might be old but he has never resembled a monkey or acted feminine IMO.and he has aged well..I hope I can be so lucky to do the same ..In my defense I haven't seen a Sean Connery movie in over ten years.In Brad and Toms defense I think they are great actors, nothing more.
I'm glad you got away from the plastic surgery for a boost of self esteem. That was my biggest disagreement with your post .
My point was learn to be happy and secure with yourself and who you are , and everything else will fall into place.
Many people overeat not because they are hungry but because they are not happy with themselves.
Food is their companion and their closest friend. Gastric bypass surgery or strict diet might help for a while but most of the time they go back to their own feeling of insecurity with themselves , and the comfort of food, and the weight pies back on .When I was younger I thought my nose was extremely large and when I saw Tom Cruise first movie that thought went away.. We have to treat or remove the roots of our problems and insecurities or they will keep coming back just like weeds in our yards.
I have plenty of 20 year old friends, but most of the guys don't have a clue outside of video games, and watching sports. Most of them I have met , are too insecure to talk to the girls unless they are drinking ..and we all should know how well that works.
I don't have any grandchildren and I refuse to join facebook,or twitter, or My space , but I will text.
Although I resemble a dog, and I'm not a young man I've never had problems finding pretty civvy ladies because I Know for sure YES I can, and a NO has never scared me . Occasionally a 20 year old civvy will hit on me but I always refuse ..I figure she just wants to make herself shine more beautiful in the light standing next to me and my dogliness, or she is looking for a Father figure.My minimum age for a civvy date is 25 however I prefer at least 30 unless I am in a pinch.
You did teach me one thing I didn't know.I had always thought those hair transplants were a sham . I reckon I shouldn't judge by the one bald friend who had it done and ended up looking like a porcupine. But maybe he didn't have enough cash to finish the job. I'm not going to ask him what happened.
Oh and by the way..Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are almost looking back at middle age and soon to be joining senior citizen discount status.
Those young girls lusting over Brad and Tom should get with the program and start thinking about the Jonas brothers.
If you think I have low self esteem by admitting I look like a dog ..I resemble my dogs and I think they are pretty.If they were males I would have said handsome
(okay okay so just barely at 28, lol)
confidence in oneself is the absolute key, and imo the number one factor in what makes a man attractive. now if one has particular issues that hinder this self-confidence...say you are uncomfortable with your weight like the OP...then work on those. if one has particular issues that compromise one's health...say, smoking...work on those. but it is absolutely critical that a man has come to a place in life where he accepts himself, likes himself, and is completely comfortable in his own skin before women of any substance whatsoever will find him attractive.
and believe it or not, there are many younger women of substance, who wouldn't be caught dead on facebook and would prefer curling up with a good book over a night out at the club. the OP didn't read to me like someone simply looking to get laid and nothing more, it read like a man who would at least be interested in dating and spending time with women who would genuinely enjoy his company. and if that is one's goal, that would be best accomplished by heeding the advice above.
oh and on a personal note...Tom and Brad are both wonderful actors, but too feminine for my tastes. but then since the age of 12, i have been firm in my conviction that Ernest Hemingway was pretty much the sexiest man ever!! ever seen that picture of him topless and holding that double barrel shotgun?! *swoons*
you are a married African-American provider who lives in a D/S relationship with her husband - hardly someone who represents the cross-section of young girls out there.
Let's get real for a second -we're not talking about outliers - the OP wants to meet cute, single non-providers.
Chacun son goût, but Hemingway's been dead for years and is hardly representative of tastes in 2010,
The Love Goddess
and the standards of male attractiveness has dramatically changed over time, following that trend. There have been some interesting studies on this subject which some of you may have already read.
Traditional male features and appearance are as out as, well, Sean Connery. Feminine faces that look like they don't shave, soft, girlish features, more time spent on hair and cologne than on your car- these are the calling cards of the modern male, the metro-sexual, or whatever else you want to call him.
I don't doubt that young women are attracted to these type of males, because traditional maleness has been under attack and out of favor since the mid-70's. Whereas a male face that's more feminine is less threatening to a woman, since it is more like her own, or like a child's, so no surprise there. I'm sure it's why teen idols always look so feminine- they're male figures for girls who are in between childhood and womanhood. What has changed is this look is now the desired look for adult men.
But to older men, well, these sort of guys might as well have a vagina because to us, they represent a feminized hybrid male that's the new standard of male attractiveness, and not what we would consider a real man. And I don't care how many muscles they developed with their personal trainer in their luxury gym while drinking their designer protein shakes. Most of them wouldn't know how to start a lawnmower, or which end of a shovel to use if their Lexus ever got stuck in the snow. And newsflash, it does snow in places other than ski resorts.
I remember when men talked about working on their cars or fixing their house; this knowledge was considered essential and men who had to run to the phone book every time something broke were laughed at. Now, "men" talk about which aftershave lotion gives them the softest skin, or where they can get the best color and cut. Heaven forbid one of these fem-men ever gets a flat tire on his way to the salon.
As a boy, I was raised by the generation of men that had just returned home after winning WWII a few years earlier. I admired their confidence, their strength, their overwhelming competence, and yes, their masculinity. By their standards I was soft. But compared to today's metro-sexual men, hell, I'm a fucking lumberjack!
-- Modified on 6/24/2010 12:41:07 PM
The sad thing is ... it's only funny because it is mostly true.
*sigh*
I'm no "He-Man!" by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know this for sure, I wouldn't want to be a young male in today's society. I would chaffe at the expectations and restrictions.
(" ...these sort of guys might as well have a vagina..." THAT line really cracked me up!
' Whereas a male face that's more feminine is less threatening to a woman, since it is more like her own,"
I learned a long time ago as in high school, that many straight women have gay guys as friends..Its not just the face that puts her at ease, but also the absence of any other threats associated with a unknown,or known, straight male.
When a lady sees a straight guy who is not afraid of frolicking amongst gays, she tends to sometimes let her guard down and unleash her inner desire to fulfill her animal insticts, especially if he's a bit rough.
Some people think of Key West as a town full of gay guys. I look at it as a happy town with a overabundance of straight women,hoping to be find their wild side.
I always try to put the odds in my favor.Ruff Ruff
You know those "he-man" types or manly men do scare me...I don't feel safe or comfortable around them and I am not 20 something.
I have never been attracted to their roughness, and I love a nice smelling man...I am not attracted to the "natural" smell of a manly man...it really just turns me right off. They smell like grease and oil and dirt.
I find a very clean shaven, soft faced a delight...nothing harsh or scratchy to turn my soft skin red raw in any place.
Sorry, but manly men or the old fashioned idea seem brutish, dirty and rough and I stay the hell away from them.
"I am not attracted to the "natural" smell of a manly man...it really just turns me right off. They smell like grease and oil and dirt."
I agree literbike..If I ever turn gay I'm not going for garage mechanics ,construction,factory ,oil workers etc..That oil and dirty grime is some smelly stuff. and those dirty fingernails ..hideous. You certainly don't have to be a gay guy to desire sparkling clean, manicured fingernails.
Other than soap, deodorant and scented bubble bath,I only add cologne if she gave it to me as a gift, or tells me she likes a certain kind,because some ladies have a severe aversion to certain colognes,kind of like me at the airport with those older women with massive amounts of perfume. or the guy who thinks he will meet his new love on the plane and swims in cologne before his flight..Yikes!! I always brush my teeth and shave before kissing,and I floss the teeth I want to keep. You might think I'm kidding but I always work it into the conversation before I become intimate with a new lady friend ..If she doesn't floss or is unwilling to learn ,I'm not going to kiss her except on the cheek goodbye.I would rather smell that hideous musk oil or candy concoction perfume, or wrestle alligators ,than kiss a unflossed mouth.
Actually if I go gay I don't know where I'll go.
It sure won't be hollywood with all those nasty three day beards. Whats up with that? Must be the just got back from camping look.
Gross is all I can say..Not knocking em ..to each their own but I like soft smooth skin with the texture of a rose. I reckon I will have to stick with women for the rest of this life..I'm surely glad I agree with you,and don't want my face rubbing on sandpaper face..
http://www.topnews.in/files/rupert-everett1.jpg
I'm always amazed at how my posts are misinterpreted by others who read into them something entirely different than what I intended. I guess I'm just not a very good writer.
"I'm always amazed at how my posts are misinterpreted by others who read into them something entirely different than what I intended. I guess I'm just not a very good writer."
In my opinion you are uniquely superior in your writing skills from my perspective,and easy to understand. I believe literbike was slightly confused with my post and it led her to believe rough in my case meant unwashed and unshaven,and built like Conan the Barbarian with the attitude of Braveheart. Trust me I understand you completely .and I am happy I am a bit rough and not a pretty boy or a metro sexual..lol
Women rate us as superficially as we rate them. Nobody talks about it too much, but the major part of chemistry is being in the presence of a toned, virile/fertile member of the opposite sex. Don't forget Kevin Spacey's motivation for getting in shape in "American Beauty" "I want to look good naked" and it worked, it always does in my experience.
Good sex is a powerful motivator and computer dependence notwithstanding, we are VERY much physical beings.
Hiya heynineteen,
I feel your pain as I'm in much the same boat. However, what has been posted here is entirely accurate. You'll NEVER have confidence with the ladies, or much of anything else for that matter, until you have confidence in yourself. I've started working on my weight in earnest (I'm 40 and have been overweight most of my life, going about 285 at the moment) and am starting to see some results. Want some quick confidence? Start exercising and eating right and see what happens when you lose a pant size or two. It won't take very long, less time than you think if you are dedicated.
Unfortunately, I have a skin issue that renders me fairly unattractive and I can't do much of anything about that (tried just about everything there is with limited results) so P4P is pretty much my only option but my attitude is that you have to play the cards you are dealt and work them to your best advantage. Start carrying that kind of attitude and bring it to some weight loss efforts, you'll be amazed what you can accomplish.
Good luck! WIT
One thing no one has mentioned is that there are a lot of overweight gals also looking for love. I'm sure -- all other things being equal -- they'd welcome your company.
Once you develop that relationship you might both get on the wagon (or treadmill) and form your own special support group. Or you might start to look on superficial appearance for just that.
The problem is that there is a natural distribution of A, B and C guys who all want the A ladies and there is a natural distribution of A, B and C ladies who all want the A guys. That is the real world. Adapt to it.
He says that he is interested in meeting girls "romantically" , and goes on to say that heis interested in "a real girlfriend and not an experience".
Seems obvious that he is interested in a meaningful relationship more than in just getting laid in a one-night stand.
I am a reasonably young guy and consider myself far from mature. In fact, I am a "guy" or a "dude" looking for a "girl" or a "chick". Women need not apply.
I am looking for the right girl. The right now girl is great and I'd take it in a heartbeat, but it's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for girls 25-30 ideally (what I would consider "wheelhouse"). I've dated a couple of older chicks and my conclusion is that girls my age and older (32) tend to apply pressure pretty quickly as 35 is the magic number for having kids. While I'm interested in the whole family thing, I want time to enjoy just being with someone, travelling, getting hammered if we so choose, and not have to worry about babysitters and the like.
I think I agree with most of the things that have been said here. Yes, losing weight is a good idea. I have 32 years of empirical evidence that women aren't in to large Americans (lets not use the "F" word here). That said, I know a very significant portion of that empirical evidence has some "self selection" bias. I know I'm my own harshest critic and there are time my lack of confidence and cujones has kept me from closing when I might have had a shot.
Back hair is not cool. End of story. Getting waxed hurts and it's emasculating (I hate calling to make that appointment, especially because all of the girls that work at this place are H-O-T "hat" as we like to say in Chicago).
I may be young, but I am certainly not feminized. Quite the opposite, more frat guy that still wishes day drinking and smoking pot was more socially acceptable as an adult. But alas, I've had to grow up, which was definitely a struggle in my 20's. Unfortunately I'm prohibitively good at partying.
To all the fine folks offering me support, I just joined a new gym and have my profile on match 85% complete (I am money with the written word...if relationships were conducted completely on paper I'd be dating Melissa Satta right now...google her...). When I reach a certain goal weight the picture is going on the profile and I'm putting it out there.
And to those who offered private counsel suggesting a slightly older provider that could learn me a thing or two, it's certainly something to consider.
Until then, in the words of the immortal Ole Dirty Bastard, "I'm just trying to put babies in bitches."
LG: You are a pretty insightful person and I really appreciate your incredible contribution to this site. However, this time I must respectfully disagree. After all this concern for and attempt to help H-19, this last entry makes me feel conned. Losing weight will never solve his problem. He is just plain shallow, a quality that is never attractive in any man or woman, regardless of his or her fantastic physical appearance. http://www.theeroticreview.com/images/emoticons/sad_smile.gif
Because of his weight, he didn't get to do all the things other people did when they were 18 or 19. He will probably check all those things off his list in fairly short order, and then eventually catch up to those things typical for his age.
I don't think that makes him shallow, just behind the usual age/experience curve (the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" comes to mind).
That's a great way of putting it. Remember, to find the right girl you've got to look at what's inside - she will do this with you too.
We also share something in common- I'm much better with the written word than I am in person too!
Maybe in a year or two you'll feel you're now better in person than your profile online.
I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed with LG's responses. Sure, fit and handsome are the standard, but jeez, there are lots of pretty average (even much lower than average) looking guys that are with pretty nice looking ladies. I see it all the time. Why? Because many women are not as shallow as most men. Sure, when you read the Cosmo articles, they diss fat guys and back hair, but talk to the 'real' girl who works in the back office, she'd be willing to date a decent guy who happens to be overweight and be hirsute. If humans relied on the 'ideal' to choose a mate, we all wouldn't be here now, our ancestors would be still searching for the perfect mating partner.
I remember one of the most popular guys in high school as a lesson--he was very short, had really bad skin, but was a funny guy, personable, and a good athlete. He got laid more than anyone.
So, by all means, OP should get in shape, but there are lots of averagely in-shape guys without back hair who are miserable, with the exact same complaints. The better thing is to develop a personality and some character.
He was wondering if a provider might help his confidence..That would be short term
In his post he also stated he was looking for a "real" girlfriend and not an experience.
"Until then, in the words of the immortal Ole Dirty Bastard, "I'm just trying to put babies in bitches."
If that's not short-term mating [in evolutionary terms, that means "not a permanent relationship"] then I don't know what is. He also states that he wants to meet "girls," among other things. N.b. that short-term mating in evolutionary terms does not mean paid sex - it means having sex without getting into a steady relationship. In fact, prostitution is only mentioned by a few authors in the evolutionary literature and in general not taken into consideration when elaborating on men's adaptations in short-term mating.
However, I do think his last post is ambiguous, hence up to interpretation.
You should contact Sean Connery, quadseasonal, he may have some definitive answers, lol,
The Love Goddess
-- Modified on 6/28/2010 6:12:40 PM
"While I'm looking for a real girlfriend and not an experience,"
The above is a direct quote from the OP.
After he was ridiculed and bashed about his weight and back hair of course some might read a different interpretation in his following posts, other than what he truly desires .Similar to the cops when they relentlessly interrogate and obtain a false confession .
I don't need Sean Connery or anyone to help me with my reading comprehension, or ability to understand what someone is sincerely trying to express.
I am only speculating,however I don't get the drift that the OP is overly obese and shaped like a pear , but merely built like a football player..I'm guessing six foot two and 270. Maybe raised in Nebraska.
If the OP becomes happy and secure in his own skin there will be a overabundance of ladies available for him, overweight or not ,if only for the indisputable fact there are many more women than men.
First of all, he wasn't RIDICULED. Second of all, this thread is closed. Period. It has degenerated and deteriorated from something useful and important to you being snide and incapable of joking nicely.
No one is questioning your reading comprehension. However, if you persist, your posts will be interpreted as rude and won't be posted.
Thank you, thread closed,
The Love Goddess