That all men will cheat?


Love Goddess,

I posted on a thread on the GD board that I am 100% positive that my SO would not cheat.

However, there are still men who like to argue that I'm wrong. What happened to the trust? What happened to believing the word of the person you have chosen to spend your life with?

Why is it so hard for anyone to really believe that a man could, is, and always will be 100% faithful to a provider?

Is there something that I am missing? I do not understand why it is so completely unbelievable that a man would be faithful to a provider, share his fantasies openly and honestly and have a fantastic relationship?!

Please offer me your advice because I may be wrong but I am not jaded to the intricacies of the human heart and I know for a fact that there are many many men out there who would never cheat on their SO be she a provider or Civvie? Is it JUST because I am a provider that people assume that I can not have a SO who is faithful?

~Rae





-- Modified on 11/6/2008 5:55:09 PM

at your audience.  It's more convenient to assume that everyone else is like you when you are doing the wrong thing and let's face it most hobbyists are cheating on someone.

Dear Rae,

There are several factors that may influence the responses you're getting. For one, consider the site where you are posting your query. It's a site that promotes variety in short-term [and sometimes attempted long-term, if you check this board, LOL] strategic mating. I bet if you deleted the "provider" aspect and reasked the question in Ladies Home Journal or Catholic Brotherhood Magazine [made-up title, but you get the point], there would be plenty of answers affirming that yes, some men can be 100% faithful.

If you look at it from a purely statistical viewpoint, 100% "physical infidelity" just doesn't happen. Stats have pegged marital infidelity to between 30-50%. And that would make sense, considering that appx 50% of marriages end up in divorce - a pretty amazing statistic in itself. And still, we're talking about "reported" infidelity. Of course there may be higher rates out there. But 100% - I don't believe it. Few things in this world are 100%, with the exception of death and a few other issues, I suppose. But infidelity surely is not one of them!

I think you need to remove your personal beliefs and attitudes from this one and just go cold-blooded stats-minded. But needless to say, for every quantitative measure, there is a qualitative individual difference among humans [yay!] and so OF COURSE it's not at all strange that a man would be faithful to his girlfriend/SO/wife, regardless of her profession. There are people of all stripes, shades and persuasions out there and everyone has a different take on what fidelity, relationships, work situations, etc. means to him/her.

I wouldn't sweat this one, really,
the Love Goddess

If I were your S.O., I can think of absolutely no logical reason for seeking variety or cheating!  

And that's not just a typical white knight 'puppy' response.....  looking at the greatest string of 10's in performance probably ever strung together on TER reviews......  why would someone go elsewhere for it!

the exception to the rule, I myself am not one of them, I just like women too much!..I could be getting the best sex in the world...I know I would still stray....currently me and my SO have the amazing sex, been together for 3 years but still I hobby, no hang ups or drama.

Hi Rae !

TER is not the place to come to conclusions about men in general.... only a specific sampling, which is of course likely to hold the opinion that a man is not going to be faithful.

I understand and believe that your man may well in fact be faithful.

But I do wonder - (and please take no offense)

since you are obviously able to enjoy sex with a variety of men -

why would you not want your SO to enjoy sex with a variety of women?

I don't mean to be personal - ignore at your discretion.

But the reasons I ask is that I simply do not understand associating exclusivity and possessiveness with sexuality. I'm not wired that way. I'd be interested in gaining insight...

Love and Light

Gregory

If you are that positive that you have a man who is that faithful, then you have someone very special in your life, and I can tell you for a fact that, yes it does happen. I was married to my first wife for 17 years, and was 100% faithful. She was the one who wound up married to my best friend. I have been with my second wife for nearly 22 years. Until 3 years ago, I was 100% faithful. Yes, it can and does happen, and it happens long term more than people think it does.

Hang onto what you've got. It sounds pretty special to me, no matter who you are or what you do. Pay them no mind.

Your being a provider has nothing to do with it. I'd tell any woman to expect that her man will cheat on her! Think of every guy you see at work... every one of their wives thinks he'd never cheat. I seem to remember seeing that 75% of men cheat... and [editorializing] 100% want to.

Okay let me put it this way...


Let ME go out, and go to the bar or where ever I want to go and go pick up the HOTTEST guy there, make sure he's got a HUNG package in his pants and then take him back to my incall or his apartment and F*** the hell right out of me....I mean, earth shattering mind blowing once in a lifetime sex....because that is what I give right...that's the main reason guys choose to see me....so it's only fair that if I get to choose the guy he better be hot as hell, hung like a horse and able to f*** me until I actually wear out and beg him to stop. (pretty sure that would not happen as I have tried)

The day my SO lets me do THAT is the day he's free to see other people.

I am NOT trying to sound mercenary because I LOVE what I do. This WAS part of "exploration" for me. I LOVE sex and I am ridiculously horny all the time. It just so happens that my SO has an extremely extremely low sex drive. Hardly any at all in fact. We have sex as often as HE wants but NOT as often as I want. This is a perfect solution to our difficulties. I LOVE being a provider. I absolutely adore a lot of the men I am with but I don't choose THEM. They choose ME.

Therein lies the difference. I "may" receive pleasure at my job but the fact remains the same, it is a JOB.

I am a Professional Sex Worker. Most of the ladies on here are. There is no way in this world that I would be okay with MY SO going out and meeting up with Provider's just as I KNOW he would not be okay with me going out trying to get laid by which ever hot hung, preferably younger, guy I could latch my fingertips into.


We ALL have our boundaries and these are mine. That's not to say that we haven't explored our sexuality together, experimented together or had fun together. Sure we have, but the fact remains that we do it together and have set the boundaries in our relationship.


On another note I added this pic so you would understand. If my clients looked like this I would probably be okay with my SO seeking out other ladies. But unfortunately they do not. However, I am sure that if all my clients looked like this I would actually live in Utopia...a place I am positive does not exist.

On another note, should I ever end my relationship with my current SO I would probably stay single forever and ever and ever.











-- Modified on 11/6/2008 6:11:01 PM

I am not convinced of that. Likely there is a selection effect because of where you are posting.

My participation in the "hobby" is simply because I am lonely and want some sexy companionship from time to time.

I think that more than a few men are wired to feel a deep difference with partners. Sex can be fantastic but only skin deep. Or it can be fantastic and penetrate beyond the marrow of your bones to places you never knew you had, someplace beyond the physical. The latter is a place that is so special it inspires monogamy.

would you be okay then?  It is doubtful.  Still what you are saying is a bit of a double standard.

I've been hoping for a relationship like hers for quite a few years now. It's very difficult to find a relationship that works like hers does. She has found a gem, truely. Rae, you are so lucky, cherish what you have. And Ill keep dreaming to find the same for myself. God Bless you and your man. x Flora

Thank You LG I value your advice tremendously.

~Rae

it would be OK for him to have sex with other women?

Not being argumentative, just inquisitive.

Personally speaking, I was 100% faithful for 28 years. Then the sex slowed. Then it stopped.

20 years ago i would have said that I would never cheat on my wife. Things change.

I am all about seizing opportunity!


I wouldn't mind. I have done the job that he has now but it is highly unlikely that he would even want to or be able to do mine.

~Rae

I can agree with you it is different from a normal relationship andit has taken me sometime to grow into this relationship with her being a  provider. Maybe that I have learnt the times we are together are special to her that she tells me the inner world of her. I know she will not be doing this activity for ever but it is the person you feel for not the status of your relationship for she has taught me that/

"Cheating" is relative to the rules. If you have an open relationship which it seems you do at least in some capacity given your occupation, the odds of that go down quite a bit.

I can tell you that, as a man who was with a provider, almost three years prior to her becoming one, two years during, and almost one more after she retired, it is very possible to stay in a relationship with a provider where trust prevails, and fidelity, such as it is given the demands of your job or whatefer other arrangement you have, is not compromised.

Though we are no longer together, the break up was neither a result of her former career as an escort, or of lies or cheating. Go with your gut and believe that emotional commitments are not impossible from any man, regardless of what you do.

...are to be eschewed...always, never, all, none.

There are (almost) always exceptions to the rule.  Your question is yet another example.

Best,

BS

and I fully respect that. I hope that my question did not come across in a bad way. I have never given or expected exclusivity with sexual relationships myself, but my ways may be changing in the future. Thank you for sharing. You are inspirational in many ways. Cheers - Gregory

-- Modified on 11/7/2008 1:35:17 PM

I am with you on this one Rae.
My SO does not need me to say "no cheating or else"  He is just not like that to begin with.
I also give him no need to stray...he is a bit overwhelmed with our romantic sensual aspects that make up Our relationship if anything.  I take very good care of him and he truely wants no other.
Besides, I wouldn't tolerate that in Our relationship. lol

-- Modified on 11/11/2008 11:19:36 AM

Every man I know, hobbyist or not, has cheated at one time or another in their life.
just my stats.

How many times have we marveled at men who were with beautiful women and wound up cheating on them or leaving them?

Remember the Hugh Grant caper of many years ago? And what about Halle Berry's husband who was cheating on her? These are just to name a few.

OTOH there is the whole cuckolding situation that some men desire, but that's another story.