I had this thread here: http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewAll.asp?BoardID=20&SortBy=DateCreated%20desc&Search=libido&SearchType=1&DayFrom=305&DayTo=0&Messageid=14103

I have been doing some research into my problem some more and it seems that the issues that I'm reading about seem very much related to the advice that you gave me the first time around -- which made me want to come follow up with you first to ask a few questions.  

From what I've read, I've got the impression that I've conditioned myself to only respond to porn as a stimuli for getting aroused.  So is that the reason that you were recommending to basically recondition my body to get accustomed to sex with a female?  Also is the reason you recommended to get in the habit of having lots of sex with a gf I have feelings for because that's how you keep the drive up?  One of the things I've been reading and noticed myself was that you need to "use it or lose it" with a sex drive, which implies that just going for months with no ejaculation doesn't really make the drive come back... so I'd need to get in the habit of having lots of sex, except with a female instead?  I've noticed that when I get in the habit of masturbating more often my drive goes up and I find myself being hornier, so is it the same general idea except to just do it with a female instead?

If every time I was with a female I was as aroused by her as I was porn then I wouldn't have many problems at all in sustaining an erection or being able to have multiple orgasms.

I think porn is also the reason why during actual sex that I can't really sustain an erection in positions other than doggystyle or when receiving oral sex because those are the things that arouse me during porn.  I never have been in the routine that you recommended of arousal-ejaculation with a girlfriend on a steady basis.  My entire sex history has been with different one night stands or escorts.  The only time I had any consistent sexual history with a girlfriend was when we would just do oral sex because I couldn't sustain erection during regular sex.  

How will I go about sustaining an erection though during sex with the girlfriend if my body is so used to being stimulated by porn?  Will I just have a lot of failed attempts before I condition my body to be able to do it?  Will this help with the erectile issues you think -- since I don't have any problems staying hard while masturbating unless having to stop to go to the bathroom?  Also will my drive probably come back when I get rid of the conditioning and desensitization of porn?  How long do you think that would take considering I've gone 4 months before with no porn/masturbating and still not really felt horny while with a girl.  I had a girlfriend in the 4th month of those 4 months who said "You don't like sex" because whenever we would try to have sex I would just go soft.

Hmm... I think I'm understanding it all more clearly now after reading posts on this forum by you and others  Just want to double check my understanding though with the one last thing that was confusing me -- the fact that I've gone for 4 months before with only ejaculating a few times and still had problems with erectile/libido during that period.  It seems now that the problem was that during those 4 months I only attempted to have actual sex with a female like 4-5 times in which I went soft... but since that's only 4-5 attempts it would still take more time before I finally conditioned myself to be able to do it and get comfortable with it?  And I guess an explanation to the libido not going up was because I wasn't doing anything to arouse me so I was suffering from the "use it or lose it" which was supressing my libido due to having no stimulation.  Under these circumstances of no sex/arousal for 4 months and only 4 attempts at actual sex it made my libido stay weak and the erectile issues remained since I was still in the transitionary period.  

I know it really varies from person to person but do you have a guesstimate for how long it would take to condition myself to start being normally stimulated by live females to the point of being able to get back to creating/sustaining healthy orgasms as well as actually feeling horny during the day and getting morning wood?

Have no idea, BMW24,

Precisely because I'm not in your head and it's impossible to accurately assess someone over the Web. BUT: I would say that if things don't improve after 6 months, you may need some medical help in the erectile department.

Barring that, I'd get with a therapist to explore the issue - but only after failure with oodles of live females,
The Love Goddess

Thanks LG, you're great!  Just a side question.  Do you think someone seeing a live female 2x a week for sex with her is more effective than seeing a live female 2x a week and then using the fleshlight in between those days w/ a condom + only mental thoughts of women, in an attempt to recreate the sensations of a vagina?  I read from some people that this helped them recondition themselves to the feel of sex and no porn.  Do you think this would help or hinder the process?  Just wondering since if someone is trying to have as much sex as possible to keep the drive up (which is very relevant to my specific issue), if this would help while still at the same time losing the conditioning of hand masturbation + porn.

The fleshlight??????

Surely you jest! Do you think an appliance could possibly take the place of a living, breathing woman?!?

Good heavens, what has this world come to?!? THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN "RECREATE THE SENSATIONS OF A VAGINA." Please try to understand this. Because if you think of women only as vaginas, then you're missing the whole point of being with a woman. It's the entire physical interplay between a man and a woman that is arousing and satisfying, not just putting your dick in some kind of fleshglove. It's the way the woman makes you feel and it's the way you make her feel - it's like ball[room] dancing. And who does that solo as par for the course? No one!

You should have as much sex as possible with someone (or several women) you're really into. That's the best prescription for a satisfying sex life. Period. No appliances, no jacking off, no porn, just fucking often and with gusto.

Fuck your brains out - please,
The Love Goddess

It is definitely possible to reach a point with a GF/SO/fuck buddy, where conditioning makes you each other's sexual arousal triggers, to the exclusion of almost everything else.

I've had 4 or 5 of those relationships over 40 or so years of sex, where the mere presence or arrival of the other person starts the arousal mechanism for both of you.  Once this sort of conditioning is achieved, you can rarely make it to dinner or wherever else you were going without first having a quickie.  

When I first experienced this I thought it was just me that felt that way, but then one of my friend's with benefits came over to my house, knocked on the door, and the minute she walked in, dropped to her knees and gave me a blow job without a word being spoken.  She said she'd been thinking about it all afternoon and in the car on the drive to my house.  I've been similarly aroused by the sight of my GF's that if we didn't have an immediate release, the sexual tension would build to unbearable levels during the course of an evening out.  We had become so conditioned to associating sex with each other's presence that within minutes of being close to each other they ladies were wet and I was erect, even if that wasn't on the agenda for our time together.

It can work the opposite way too.  I've been relegated to the friend zone with some women I found myself very attracted to and eventually  I lost my desire for them.  They became "sisters."  When one of them changed her mind about me after a few years and wanted to have sex with me, I really wasn't aroused by her any longer.  This is why I think the way a male/female relationship gets started pretty much sets the tone for the entire time you know a person.  

The point of all this is there's a reason they call the brain the most important sex organ.  It's the mental conditioning and associations that create either the passion or the platonic response.  You say you haven't experienced this type of relationship, and I'll admit they are rare for most people, so perhaps you haven't seen how your brain can be conditioned to respond in this manner.  As has been said repeatedly on this board, you can condition yourself to respond to porn, or you can condition yourself to respond to the unique triggers of a woman- scent, softness, warmth etc.

It's not natural to respond sexually to images on a computer screen, yet we've learned to do it.  Just remember that the process can be reversed and make that your new objective.

The one part of the equation that LG leaves out, but all we men know, is just how damn hard it is to find sex partners.  Unless you're in the top 10% of looks and income, it's just a constant struggle, and ANY man's sex drive will ALWAYS outstrip his ability to find and bed women.

This is the reality and business model that multi-billion dollar porn industry is based on.  So it does require some real effort on your part to establish new behavior patterns.  If you're older, or not that great looking, like me, then there's a reason you find yourself on this board, and a reason porn has substituted for female sex partners.  But if you want to reverse this process of responding better to porn than a female, it should now be clear what you must do.  Best of luck.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature, God, or the Joker- whomever you think is responsible, programmed women to "Just Say No," except during a partial eclipse of a blue moon when pigs are flying in a diamond formation over a frozen Hell AND she's about to ovulate.

THEN, if you happen to cross her path with the right shaped face, the right style hair and clothes, the right physique, have the right scent, the right income, the right car, the right sense of humor, the right (fill in the blank), and don't remind her of anyone from her past she didn't like, then you MIGHT get a date.  

From there you're home free as long as you didn't go from the right time in her cycle to the wrong time while you were waiting to call her to make a date.  AND assuming you don't say or do something that's a deal-breaker.  

Of course, you would never know it's a deal-breaker because you can't read her mind, which is what is required since she will never tell you.  Any how could she- she doesn't really know, it's just... you know, some sort of feeling, some sixth sense, some women's intuition that she can't quite put her finger on or articulate, there's just something that isn't quite right.  Oh yeah, now she remembers, you're not a millionaire and can't give her the perfect fantasy life her parents told her she deserved.  But other than that, you're a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you.

The best part though, is how civie women remain confused as to why prostitution continues to thrive and how men from all social strata seem to be equally willing to see them.  Apparently, making some guy jump backwards through his asshole (without spilling a drop of their Cosmopolitan) to prove he's worthy to approach the shrine of the golden pussy seems reasonable to them.   Yeah, men are a real mystery.

Hey I ready our response is that I think even if you are in the top .1% you still can't find sex partners, i think the problem is that women don't enjoy sex as much as men do and women can outlast men in not having sex.

The only thing in this world that can guarantee you sex is valid money because that is what you can use to buy it, otherwise even with a girl or lover they don't enjoy it as much and to them it is a chore

Alright, well I guess I'll get to it.  I'll try to find me an ATF or GF.  If I condition myself to respond to a live women though... like G2 is talking about, will it need to be just that particular women in order to get the effects?  For example if instead of being conditioned to respond to porn I'm just conditioned to respond to the ATF will that now mean that I still have arousal with women other than the ATF?  Kind of concerned about that now since G2's post seems to mention that.  I'll let everyone know how it goes.  If my drive doesn't come back guess I'll need to talk to a doctor.

Hey LG or G2, was wondering if you guys saw my further concern (im a worry wort I guess) -- about if I do get a GF or ATF and condition myself to get used to a typical pattern of arousal-climax with that lady, would this carry over with other live females in general or would it be specific to her?

and what makes her tick.  The more experienced you become, the more you'll realize that sex is a uniquely personal experience and no two women are alike in this regard.  

This means that "technique" learned with one partner doesn't necessarily work with another.  As a result, the one skill you SHOULD try to learn is the technique of opening yourself up to your partner so you can get in synch with her as you have sex.  In other words, make love with her, not to her.  

Guys tend to think being a good lover means learning a few tricks, or fucking your partner senseless, because that approach plays to male strength.  We're used to learning technique in everything we do from sports to video games.  But if you leave the feats of strength at the gym and adopt a more holistic approach to your partner and learn to explore and savor every curve of her body, her scent, her feel and her touch, you may find your popularity in bed goes way up.

Plus, for guys who worry about getting erect, as was the concern in the original post, this approach gives you time to get aroused too.  One of the few advantages of aging that I can think of in regards to sex, is that the male and female arousal patterns start to converge- at least until women no longer desire sex.  So the best bet for younger men is to slow down the action, let your partner's anticipation build as your arousal also builds, and then show her she's a sex partner and not a sex toy.

Oh, hey, yeah I wasn't asking about techniques in bed or anything, I was just referring to LG's advice of conditioning myself to be aroused by a female presence as a way of reversing the affects of porn.  Basically since the advice to get the libido back was to have LOTS of sex with a real female, so that I get into a routine of arousal-ejaculation with a female rather than porn -- I was just wondering if it will just mean that I'm in that routine with that specific female or with females again in general.  Since your post was talking about how you can condition yourself to respond sexually to one specific women, I wanted to be sure that by having sex with the same woman and not using porn/masturbation to get off, would condition me to respond to actual sex and women in general, rather than just with that particular girl.  If it just conditions me to respond to that girl then I would have a situation where I'm now only responding to one girl Sally and porn, and still don't get aroused any other way or maintain erections any other way.